Page is an ass,
A secure ass;
He will trust his wife, he will not be jealous...
God be praised for my jealousy!
Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor.

Tony Robinson

There is a time when jealousy is justified and has its place, as that guy in the above quote expressed. He praised God for his jealousy and that he was not like his friend Page, who trusted his wife. After all, perhaps it's better to not trust her and she does not cheat, than to trust her and she does. So better to be jealous and be on your guard, for to be forewarned is to be forearmed.

Too many men are secure with their wives and feel that it is totally impossible for their women to cheat on them. In the meantime they themselves are going around having a grand time, and in many cases with other men's wives too. So it raises the question, if they are cheating with other men's wives, why do they think that their wives are incapable of doing such an act? Well, there are still many foolish men around, men so cocksure (pardon the pun) of themselves, that they are not aware of the old Jamaican saying, "The same knife stick sheep, stick goat too."

But there are also other types of men who are aware, jealous, suspicious that their women may be cheating on them, but just don't know what to look for. It's like this poor guy in America who wrote one of those advice columns seeking answers. He had just returned from a tour of duty in Iraq and proceeded to make love to his wife. Much to his initial pleasure and then dismay, he discovered that his wife had turned into a tigress in bed, doing things that she had never done before.

Naturally this aroused his suspicions that perhaps she had learned some new tricks while he was away, hence his letter to the advice columnist. Well, as far as I'm concerned he's a smart man, for if my woman who was meek as a lamb suddenly turned into a fiery, raging tigress, tearing up the sheets and screaming her lungs off, I'd wonder where she learned that from. Surely there's no book or manual to teach that.

So that's one subtle sign of cheating to look for, when the sexual habits change. If for years, lovemaking was a routine affair, pleasurable but predictable, pleasant but not passionate, right but not riotous, then all of a sudden it's back-breaking, finger-licking good, then something is up, and that's a sure sign of infidelity. Now you're going to say that's not necessarily so, but do so at your own peril, for people just don't change overnight, unless there is some catalyst to trigger that change, and usually it's someone else. But there's also a bitter irony, for on the flip side, is the total loss of interest in sex.

Yes my friends, if your lovely, sexy woman who used to more than accommodate you on a regular basis, suddenly either locks shop or only serves you a miserly meal now and then, then take it as a subtle sign that she's cheating. But this one is tricky, for wives are funny, when it comes to sex, for many a wife stops having sex with her husband for reasons other than cheating, for remember the old saying, "Marriage certainly ruins sex". But if you're smart and astute you will tell the difference, but it's an acquired skill. So many men are arrogant about their women not being able to cheat on them, claiming how powerful and virile they are.

So I was most amused to read about the saga of our very own Beenie Man and his wife recently. As one report stated, "Well, if him, 'the girls them sugar' can get bun, then what of ordinary regular men?" Well, I'm sure those reports, whether they are true or not, must have shaken up some husbands and made them think, for if a big superstar can have doubts about his wife's fidelity and go public with it, then maybe they should start to take stock of their own relationship and not take their women for granted.

Another subtle sign is when your woman stops kissing you. Yes, simple as it may sound, many women consider kissing even more intimate than sex and even though they will make love to their husbands, they will not kiss them if they are having an affair with another man. As one wife told me, "I may be duty bound to have sex with him, but there is no law that says I have to kiss him too."

So she closes her eyes and grins and bears it, but if he's smart, he'll see this as a sign that she's cheating, for many women cannot be intimate with two men at the same time. Even the Bible says it, "Thou canst not serve two masters, lest you love one and hate the other." So as the conflict rages within the cheating woman, she will kiss and give her all to the other man, but certainly not kiss her husband, for that's just getting too close. A smart man will pick up those subtle signs, but don't be a fool and ask her, just keep it to yourself. "Honey, how come you used to kiss me so much, then you stop, is something wrong?" What answer do you really expect?

Constant criticism is another subtle sign that your partner is cheating. Suddenly you can do nothing right and everything that you say or do is subject to a barrage of criticism. Usually you are compared to other men, for that is the basis of her criticism. "How come you don't have manners like Rupert, why can't you dress like Mr. Brown, is that the clothes you plan to wear, you don't see you need a new wardrobe, it's time you change that haircut, you're working at the place too long now, it's time for a change." It's time for a change all right, but the change is from you, as her interests have now shifted to someone else, and she has another entity to compare you to.

If you're astute, shrewd, intelligent, you will detect that sudden subtle cheating sign. Now this is not to be confused with the normal everyday nagging that some women subject their men to, but it's different, it's a relentless comparison to other men, or to be specific, the man she's seeing on the side.

Sudden apathy is another subtle sign that your woman is cheating on you. For years this woman showed you all the interest in the world, then suddenly, through no fault of your own, she couldn't care less if you came or went, whether you lived or died, or if you came home early or late. "As far as she was concerned, I didn't even exist,and she couldn't care less what I did," I heard this man telling his friend.

Yes, when they stop caring it's usually a sign that their interest has shifted to someone else, so to avoid coming in contact with you, she just shuts you out of her life, pretends that you don't exist, and hopes that you exist in a parallel universe, there but not really there, so she can do as she pleases with no interference from you.

Another subtle sign is when there is no talk of the future. It's a fact that women love to plan ahead, so when all talk ceases about future plans you should know that in her mind, you're not a part of her long-term future. There are so many subtle signs of cheating, yet so many men fail to detect them, and that's why so many women get away with it. It's not that men cheat more, but just that women are better at it, so like a bloodhound, you have to sniff out the subtle signs and detect the almost imperceptible nuances. Hey, if every time her cellphone rings she walks away and answers it, you had better put two and two together and heed the signal. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Jamaicans continue to befuddle, beguile, bewilder and amaze the World with our prowess in almost every walk of life. Our most recent great achievement is that of young pilot, Captain Barrington Irving Jnr, who recently flew solo around the world in an aircraft that he built himself. Barely 23 years old, this Jamaican has once again blazed a trail of astounding accomplishment as he has done what others can only dream of. He has made the Guinness Book of Records, let's see if he makes the cover of Time or Newsweek magazines.

Another giant Jamaican is playwright and actor and someone whom I am proud to call my friend, Mr Trevor Rhone, who has been voted the third most influential black writer in the World for this century. Now, that's something to be proud of. On the track, in the air, in the books, we are stars, and we are Jamaican.

Executive Class

Gardens with Gravel

Death to the Mullet!