I know I am too mean,
To be your queen,
And too good to be your concubine.
- Shakespeare, 3 Henry VI

So instead she becomes his wife, and essentially his ruler, his jailer, his master. er mistress, even though she admits to being mean. That is the fate of many a poor man walking around like a zombie, the living dead, eyes glassed over, doing ritualistic tasks without even knowing that he is doing them.

Programmed to perform, they are subjugated men - men who live under the rule of thumb of their wives, and the cruel irony is, they know not that they are subjugated, downtrodden, emasculated, filleted, barbecued and hung out to dry in the noonday sun. Dead men walking.

This sad state of affairs was brought to my attention by none other than a military man who expressed his disgust and dismay at the number of subjugated men who we have co-existing with us.

"I wouldn't even call them living, but merely existing, and they are perhaps society's best kept secret," the army man told me. This is made even worse, as we live in a male-dominated society, this macho land, fuelled by testosterone which flows freely through the veins of our men, with gonads as big as over-ripe breadfruit.

Ha, subjugated men had better stay in the closet, as they would be veritable pariahs among the populace if their dark secret was ever exposed. "Come on man, you can tell me, what secret you want to share?"

"Well, I am subjugated, my wife rules me and I can't do anything about it, help me, please help me."

"Say what? Man, just move from me, you hear, me and you is no more friend."

See what I mean? To admit it gets no sympathy at all and makes the victim suffer a fate worse than death, for he would be cast as the lowest of the low, bottom of the barrel, pond scum. And that's why we never know of them, as they live a secret life in the shadow of their women. But even though they wear this badge of social dishonour, sometimes we can spot them, and the women who rule them.

Historically men have had it hard, as most societies, if not all, are male-dominated, so men have to rule, to be in charge and give the orders. Even the terms, "Be a man", "Stop acting like a woman", "Who wears the pants in your house?", "Are you a man or mouse?", "You can't send a boy to do a man's job", "Be manly", are geared towards the machismo of males.

How many times men are asked the question, "Listen man, who run tings, you or your wife?" No poll need be taken, as 100 per cent of male respondents would say that they run things. But the margin of error is high, and the margin of lying even higher, as the subjugated man will be among those polled, but he dare not squeak up. This thought has been so ingrained in us that even in the Bible it's been said that women are hewers of wood and carriers of water, adding to the pressure of men to be in charge of women.

But all men are not leaders, some are born to follow, and the subjugated man cannot help his plight, as he suffers in mute silence, fearing not only his spouse, but other males. The reality is, women have made enormous strides in every field of endeavour, and have even taken to dressing like men to verify their status in society. Enter the business suit.

They feel their strength and will exploit the weakness of any fragile man who dares to enter their web. It begins subtly, so hear me now and hear me well: As you drive your car, a task that you have been doing for countless years, it will behove her to assume the role of driving instructor emeritus, and guide you through every kilometre of road that you traverse.

"Look out for that truck, if you going to turn, stick to the left lane, put on your indicator, slow down now, see a parking space there, don't let that car beat you to it..." Simple as it may sound, that's the way it begins, as almost all of the subjugated men who spoke to me told me that their loss of power began in the car.

"At first I took it as her showing interest, but after a while I realised that she took full control, and now I actually look forward to hearing her instructions whenever I am driving," one man told me. He should have one of those stickers on his back windshield, 'Subjugated man on board', that way we'll give him a wide berth, even as we drive slowly by and cast a curious glance of pity in his direction.

But you can nip it in the bud by using tough love. The minute she starts telling you how to drive, stop the car and ask her to vacate the vehicle. Trust me, it will work, and save you a life of sorry subjugation.

Some men have told me that they have to apply for a visa from their wives if they want to go anywhere. At first I took it to be a joke, but as the years passed, and I observed their behaviour, I realised that it was indeed a serious, sliding, seeping, surreptitious situation of subjugation. These big, grown men actually could not make a move unless they went home and made a case to their wives who may or may not grant the visa of her choice.

"So who you going with? Who going to be there? Where you going? How long you staying? Young girls going to be there?" She'll say it in good humour, but beneath every laugh is a vale of tears for the subjugated man. Usually he'll get a single-entry visa, but conditions apply. "You had better be home by 10 o'clock." There is no spontaneity in these guys' lives, as their subjugation has made them veritable slaves to their women.

It's usually in the home that the subjugated man knows his place, and even though the saying goes, "A man's home is his castle," for the subjugated man, his home is more like his kennel. Yes siree, in more cases than not, he's always in the doghouse, and isn't even aware of his transgressions. All he knows is that he does as he's told, and no grumbling or remonstrations will change the fact.

No matter what he's doing, if she says that he must drop it and go to the grocery and pick up some stuff, he had better jump and wag his tail too. No buts about it either, for she will then tell him how busy she is doing the housework, and all she asked him to do is run to the shop and he's making a big deal of it. So it's "Yes dear, anything you say dear," as he ambles out with his shoulders drooped and head hung low, the posture of homo sapiens subjugatus.

Listen, I am all for equality and sharing chores and such, but I'm talking about abject subjugation that many men experience total emasculation and lack of testicular fortitude. It is not a pretty picture.
As for sex, that's a joke, as she is the one who dictates when and if he does get lucky. The subjugated man has no secrets, and after a while he accepts it as the norm. The wife controls all the finances, he has no personal bank account of his own, she dictates what should be spent on or not, what the needs are for both of them. She demands and knows all his passwords, including his e-mail, his access to his cellphone and in effect has him by the short hairs.

And we all know how cellphones can get people in trouble already. Call a man and if his wife answers his cellphone, then you know he's leashed, neutered and tagged. She who has the cellphone has access to information, and information is power.

I'm sure you also know some of these men of subjugation, and those who spoke to me fell in two categories, those who were subjugated and accepted it, and others who weren't even aware that they were. I guess if you get used to slavery, you won't even know what freedom is. Ah, the subjugated man, an unfortunate species.

I get e-mail from all over the world, so from time to time I'll share some with you. This is some international feedback to my column, 'Why Men Buy It.'

Excellent article.
You hit the nail on the head and provided insights in the role of men in propelling sex work, as opposed to the usual 'blame the women' dialogue that we hear ever so often. Of course, it is easier to blame than to assume responsibility. Society needs to face matters headlong and stop propelling double standards. Sex for money (in all its forms as you describe in your article) is very much part and parcel of sexual practices and culture here.

The denial of this, and pretence, are certainly creating fault lines and breeding grounds for transmission of sexually transmitted infections, including HIV - which is incurable. Regulation of sex work - to ensure monitoring and confidential accessibility of health care services by those in this practice - is certainly a policy option here that needs to be explored. Regulation of the sex work is not tantamount to legalising it.

Regards
Miriam Maluwa
Country Representative
For Jamaica, The Bahamas & Cuba
UNAIDS

Thanks Miriam, look for more feedback in the future, More time.
-seido1@hotmail.com

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