Affection is a coal
That must be cool'd;
Else suffer'd, it will set
The heart on fire.
- Shakespeare, Venus and Adonis, Stanza 65

IT'S so fitting that the above quote was attributed to Venus, the goddess of love, and Adonis, Mr Perfection himself. Although perhaps even he would not suffice, as it's been said in certain quarters some women are not even satisfied with perfection, saying, "Okay, so you're perfect, what else have you got for me, what have you done for me lately?" But we're not here for that today, instead it's all about pleasing not one, but each other.

Hey, it's often taken for granted, but mutual pleasure is essential to the well-being of any couple. But it can be difficult to achieve, as essentially humans are selfish, so very selfish. In the wild we see monkeys and other primates take turns to groom each other, picking off ticks and burrs from each other's coats, and even here we'll sometimes see cats and dogs, and even cows nuzzling and scratching each other. Even the fiercest bull or snarling dog will respond to a gentle stroke or caress. But certain people, of the so-called dominant species, just want it to come their way and give nothing or very little in return.

If you really thought hard about it, there would be no need for massage parlours or mani-pedi shops to exist in this modern world. But perhaps that is the crux of the problem, this so-called modern world where everyone is in a hurry and no one takes time to see to each other's needs. In times of old, women really knew how to please their men, and it was almost like an art. They would cut their men's hair, shave them, wash their feet, bathe them and see to their overall grooming. See what I mean about no need for mani-pedi shops? The men in turn would provide for their women, love and protect them, offer them shelter and food, and the mutual pleasure would be. well, pleasurable. That sadly has been shattered by the modern world, as neither party has time to spend on each other's indulgence of the simple pleasures of life. And we wonder why there are so many couples splitting up.

Men still expect, want, need, crave to be pleasured, pampered, preened, but because they're not getting it from their women, they frequent grooming shops and eventually massage parlours. It's not just for the physical, but also for the emotional satisfaction of being catered to, touched, and caressed by someone else. Some people haven't felt that way from they were babies, and they still crave it. I ask you ladies, when last have you squeezed a bump on your man's face, trimmed his eyebrows or clipped his nails? Oh no, you're simply too busy, or perhaps think that it's infra dig to do those mundane tasks. But science has proven that touching and feeling each other makes for stronger bonding. Just ask any infant. Too many people only get touchy-feely when it's time for sex, so as a result, both parties know that when their toes touch, or he reaches for her, that it's nookie time. "Oh Lord, him foot lap over mine, I know exactly where this is going." Touching and grooming should be natural and not just reserved for foreplay. And I've deduced that it's the women who have changed, and not the men, as the men who I've spoken to, still care to be touched, but it's the women who avoid it. "Oh, oh, him touching me on me back, right where me bra strap is, I know exactly what him want," she thinks. Or he may think, "How come she never ever touch me yet, why do I always have to make the move and initiate things? Plus every time I touch her she think say is sex I'm looking."

Hey, women will perhaps do these things, but only when the relationship is new, or before they get married. After that the man has to stalk her and run her down like a serial rapist. Sounds bad, but it's true. If he doesn't make a move, then nothing is going to happen. The point is, men have not forgotten or forfeited the art of pleasuring women, Lord knows we've had enough practice. Even the act of foreplay some men will attempt to master, just to please their women; but truth be told, it takes great effort, as they'd rather get right to the task at hand. So they'll fake it, counting the minutes before the real action starts. But it balances out, for she will fake the orgasm anyway.

First, he has to take her out to nice places and show her a good time, that's pleasuring her. Then he has to spend money to feed her, buy her drinks, and even feed her friends and family too, that's more pleasure for her. Then he has to remember dates and buy her stuff, take her on weekend getaways, at times even pay her rent and buy her groceries, which pleasure her even more. Women expect this, they expect to be pleasured by men, they take it for granted, they see nothing wrong with it, and in fact view the man who cannot pleasure her in this way as an aberration, a freak of nature, worthless, cheap and lacking in ambition. "What in heaven's name am I doing with a man like that? He holds no pleasure for me?" I heard this lady say. So the men have practice in pleasing women, but the women have lost the skill, and for some reason think that offering up their bodies is pleasure enough for a man. Well, to tell the truth it can be, but men still want more, and men and women pleasing each other is not as far-fetched as it seems.

Instead of thinking that sex is reward enough, more women should practise the art of pleasing men in the same way that men have been doing it for centuries. Hey, you all demanded and got equality, with equal paying jobs.or almost, the ability to earn, be your own boss and call the shots. So why not please your men some more? Instead of always expecting, why not pleasure your man by surprising him with a little gift now and then, take him out, pick up the tab? Or when you're alone with him, offer a little grooming service that would make Jencare Spa jealous. Don't even ask him, but cut his nails for him, groom his beard, wipe down his oily face with cotton swab, or anoint his hands and feet with lotion and crème after he's come home from a hard day's work. It should not be so infrequent that he views it with suspicion, but should be as regular as when he shows you a good time by taking you out. Remember, he always tries to please you, so he's practised, but you are out of practice, so make up for it. You'd be surprised what those little gestures would mean to a man. He in turn would please you even more, and then we'd have mutual pleasure, and outside the confines of the bedroom too.

Sadly, many great ideas and suggestions are often met with resistance, and some women still cling to the old, archaic view that men are placed here to provide for them, and their reward is a good night of sex. Sure, many people will not like to hear this, but it's a startling fact that is not often spoken of. As one woman told me, "I was not raised to make any man my project and to continue spoiling him like his mother used to do, so if he wants those pleasures, he can go visit the spa or a massage parlour." Not even a kind word can be squeezed out of some women about their men, much less a bump on his face. And yet the men will spend so much time and make so much effort to please women. The cynics will say, "That's because he wants something in return," but the truth is, if that was the case, he would stop after a while. Do your own informal survey, see how many women admit to pleasing their men in ways other than sexually, then let me know. The results may be revealing if not startling.

So, even as we hustle and bustle and can't find time to even spin around, it would be good for the relationship or marriage if, instead of only expecting to be pleased, you both try to please each other. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

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