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Pressure and stress
Daddy Oh
With Tony Robinson
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Comfort's in Heaven,
And we are on the Earth,
Where nothing lives,
But crosses, cares and griefs.
- Shakespeare, Richard II, 11, 2
What a grim, miserable picture and outlook on life, and I daresay a view that I do not share, for despite the crosses of this life, there are some comforts here on Earth too, some joy, some pleasures, as we very well know.
Yet, there are some people who only dwell on the negatives and are so pressured and stressed, that they become self-fulfilling prophecies, miserable crabby and unhappy, filled with nothing but crosses cares and griefs. But before I get into pressure and stress, here's a response to last week's article, Sex on The Rock.
Hey Teerob,
I have been an avid reader for about 5-6 years and I am only 20 (my parents did consent). I really enjoy your articles, and as a STGC (St George's College) old boy, I have to swallow my pride and say, big up, you're one of the few sensible 'Purples' (Kingston College), keep up the good work.
Just wanted to comment on the January 4, 2009 article. I recently did some research and about 68 per cent of the entire Internet is pornographic material of some kind. Also, echoing your sentiments, I know people who can't 'get off' by having a normal encounter with one woman. they need some things that most people can't wrap their minds around, because all the porn they are exposed to just desensitises them. I currently live in the US and would like to know where the US ranks on the list.
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Bless up.
Darren in Arizona
Well Darren, if I recall, the US ranked at number nine on the list of countries that most frequented porn sites, that's one place above us, but give us time, for eventually we shall be number one. So much pressure and stress on a small country like us, but we shall rise to the occasion.
Which leads right into the pressure and stress that affect so many people. It is said that stress is the number one killer, as it brings on maladies like high blood pressure which can really mess you up. And yet, many people still succumb to pressure and stress as they just can't help it. It's ingrained in humans, as society puts so much pressure on people it's little wonder that they survive. No wonder it led Shakespeare to say that only Heaven has comfort.
But even so, some people really stress out themselves unnecessarily, and become drama queens or drama kings as the case may be. Have you ever wondered how some folks' lives are filled with one stress after another? No matter what time of day, day of the week, week of the month or month of the year that you talk to them, it's one crisis after another and they are stressed beyond belief.
"I tell you, I just can't take it anymore, the workmen them just giving me pure crosses. Some don't show up, others lazy, and the rest incompetent, plus me car bruk down and me sister stressing me out and yadda, yadda, yadda."
Or it's, "My wife just giving me a hard time, all she do is nag, nag, nag. I can't get any peace, and I can't get any piece, I can't stand it."
If you talked to those people 10 years ago, and talk to them in five years' time, it's the same story of pressure and stress, and they will tell you that their lives are different from everyone else's and that you just don't understand. That's what I call self-induced pressure and stress, as those people are never happy unless they have something to complain about. We all have stress in our lives, but it's how you cope that counts.
But there's also real pressure and stress brought on by society, family and friends, and of course it has to do with relationships. There is the pressure and stress inflicted on young girls and women, who as they grow older, have to live up to certain ideals and rules of engagement. That's right, by a certain age, they have to be engaged, leading to marriage.
"So now that you are 20 years old, isn't it time you find a nice young man and tie the knot?" Pressure and stress. Even if the girl doesn't feel like, she's pressured into taking that big step. Then even on the wedding day, as she walks down the aisle, some friend or relative will accost her and say, "Now that you're married, I expect to hear the pitter patter of little feet running around soon." And she doesn't mean mice either. The bride doesn't even have a chance to enjoy little married life and get to know her man before she's expected to give birth.
And don't think that the men escape too, for as soon as a man starts to see a woman seriously, gets involved for a few years, he is expected to 'make an honest woman of her' as they like to say. It matters not that they are both content in the relationship, nooooo, they are obliged by society, and by the laws of aunts, uncles, cousins, mothers, fathers and grandmas, that he must 'marry the girl, for we want to eat wedding cake'.
From pressure and stress, brought on by family, oh Lord deliver us. To compound this, men cannot be content with themselves, but have the pressure and stress of having to perform like a porn star. As the person who wrote me earlier said, they watch so much porn and listen to the boasting of their friends, that they feel the need to be like everlasting rams and bulls in the bedroom. Their intent is not to please the woman, but to put on a performance worthy of a Greek sex god.
As a result, the pressure and stress only lead to performance anxiety and his manhood is relegated to the ranks of boyhood. He puts so much pressure on himself that he can neither start or run the race, but finishes before the gun even goes off, that is if he can even get into the starting block and get on his mark. Take away that pressure and stress and see how relaxed and competent that same man is.
If you doubt me, just ask any man how he is with his long-time woman as opposed to a brand new girl, or without being unkind, just see how a man is with an ordinary-looking or ugly woman, as opposed to a knockout beauty. "My Lord, Miss Universe, here in my house, in my bed... give me strength, oh Lord."
The mind may be willing, but the flesh may flop, all because of pressure and stress. But put that same man with someone who he thinks is beneath his station, who he doesn't feel threatened by, and see how he performs. And that's why so many men deal with schoolgirls and loose women, there is no pressure and stress.
But there's another type of stress, as even people who have met, got married, got over the performance anxiety bit, still suffer from pressure and stress. Again, I'm not being unkind, but it does seem that more husbands are stressed out than wives. As a result, they die earlier. Read the obituaries and in most cases you'll see the chilling words, 'Survived by his wife.' Those words have reverberated through marriages and history for centuries, 'Survived by his wife.'
Husbands go first because of pressure and stress, and there are scientific statistics to prove this, so don't just take my word for it. More men complain about their nagging, demanding wives than the other way around. The Cockney slang for wife is 'trouble and strife', which sort of backs up my argument. For some reason, men are put under pressure by wives, who more than often seem oblivious or insensitive to this pressure that they apply.
If you dare to ask them, you'll either be met with a blank stare, or told, "Rubbish, what pressure do I put him under, he only pressures himself. If he would only do what he was supposed to do, work around the yard and in the house, look after the children, take out the garbage, take care of the dogs, earn some more money, stop pressuring me for sex, then he wouldn't have time to be pressured and stressed." That's an actual quote. See the point, my friends? Survived by his wife, all because of pressure and stress.
It's best to depressurise and de-stress yourself and don't sweat the small stuff, especially as you grow older. Find your own outlets and don't live your life for other people. Do what Frank Sinatra sang, "I did it my way," with no apology. Pressure and stress can age you prematurely, and growing old too quickly has no pleasures.
More time.
seido1@hotmail.com
Footnote: Yes, it's back due to numerous requests. While at a New Year's Eve function at Devon House Grog Shoppe, I was so amused to see so many men bringing in the New Year with their daughters and granddaughters. I thought that it was so good to see that old-time family values were brought back into our society as these elderly gentlemen danced the night away, hugging and kissing their granddaughters all night long. Say what! It wasn't their granddaughters, you say? Well pardon me, and my question is, where were the grandmas or the wives? I shall have to address that.
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