How to be a happier mom

BY DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE All Woman writer husseyd@jamaicaobserver.com

Monday, January 30, 2012

THE demands of being a mother can be so great that she may often sacrifice her own well-being and happiness for that of the children, thus living a below average life.

And while having children around is of itself quite fulfilling, Certified Family Life Educator Anthony Gordon says in order for mothers to be happier, they have to be able to find a balance between rearing the children and taking care of themselves.

He pointed to four things a mother can do in order to be happier in her role.

1. Do not take the child's misbehaviour personally. "She should not take childhood misbehaviour personal," Gordon said. "That is one challenge that mothers face. They sometimes feel that the children are doing it to them or against them, but they really should not. Treat these misbehaviours as the child's reaction to what is happening in his/her own world, which the child is acting out. Their behaviour is just showing the impact it is having on their own lives."

2. Affirm yourself for the good things you do. "Tell yourself you did a good job," Gordon warned. "So look for the things you do and enjoy them. Say to yourself, 'wow, I did that? Good girl!' By her doing that she is building her own maternal self-esteem and this is very important. She should do a self appraisal and praise herself for the good that she does."

3. Avoid beating up on yourself. "Avoid beating up on yourself for errors you may have made or if things for you do not go the way you hear other mothers talk. Do not consider yourself a failure."

4. Spend time to care for yourself. "The mother needs to spend time taking care of herself. She must not surrender her well-being or sacrifice her well-being totally for the well-being of the child, because her being well is part of her psychological contribution to the child. Because the child will pick it up that you are unwell. If you are not well you will become frustrated in trying to meet the needs of the child. So that is why appraisal is important and how taking care of herself and not sacrificing her well-being for the well-being of the child is also important. So make sure you do a good balancing."

Other pointers to follow on the way to becoming a happier mom are:

*Ask for help. Do not be afraid to ask for help from family and friends. Remember that no man is an island and we all need help at some point. Ask, even if it just for a family member to sit in while you take a well needed break.

*Get out the house. Sometimes being in the house day after day caring for the children can make you cranky. Take the children for a walk. Enjoy the outdoors. This can do wonders in lifting your spirit.

*Eat, sleep, and be merry. Even as you spend time with your children, take the time to eat properly, sleep and kick back with your favourite CD or movie. This will make you less tense and better able to manage the daily challenges as they come.

*Take time to exercise. What better way to feel good about yourself than to exercise, especially if you have a young child? If you are unable to go to the gym, then take the gym home with simple press ups, squats and early morning jogging while the children are still asleep.

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How to be a happier mom