Hubby has a baby mama

Let's Talk

Wayne A. Powell

Monday, February 06, 2012

Dear Counsellor,

I have been married for three years but I've been with my husband for seven. We started dating when I was in college. We always talked about getting married, however, I made it clear to him that this could not happen until after I was done with college. He agreed with this and decided to wait. After I was finished we got married. I eventually got pregnant and I was so happy, but then I started getting phone calls from a woman who said there was something that I needed to know about my husband. I confronted him and he confessed that he had had a relationship with another woman and they had a child together. I found out that he started cheating with the this girl two years into our relationship and he got her pregnant five months after we got married, but she had a miscarriage. I also found out that while I was trying to get pregnant, they were also trying for a baby. I am now five months pregnant and I am considering leaving him. My mother says I should try to forgive him but I honestly no longer have any love for him. What can I do?

Such is the pain and agony that one partner inflicts on the other when one or both engage in an extramarital relationship. It is even more devastating when the "other woman" decides to terrorise the wife with intimidating and threatening phone calls and text messages.

In your case the other woman may have thought it would have been good to bring you into the loop as your husband had no intention of doing so, and so she contacted you. It is obvious that he has no plans to terminate that relationship as he seems committed to the other woman so much so that he is also building a family unit with her.

What is important now is for you to maintain good health and carry the baby to full term and have a safe delivery. Seriously consider your options and do whatever you need to do to ensure you and the baby remain in good physical health.

What your mother suggested in one option but your husband must be willing to admit his indiscretions and want to address the problem.

If, however, you feel emotionally overwhelmed, you may need to learn coping skills to effectively handle this dilemma. Please don't hesitate to seek and receive professional help.

It is not surprising that the love for your husband has diminished. When trust is eroded in a relationship the offended partner will feel little or no emotional attachment to the offender. Whatever choice you make, do ensure you and your baby's best interest are paramount.

Send questions to crisscounselloronline@gmail.com. The counsellor does not offer legal or medical advice.