DOES the cat get your tongue each time you're in stirrups in your gynaecologist's chair? Are you embarrassed to raise certain issues with your doctor, embarrassed even to Google them?

Below we share answers to some of what are your most embarrassing issues, addressed by gynaecologist Dr Charles Rockhead and sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill.

Fertility after abortions

Toni-Ann C: Is it true that having three or more abortions can make you infertile?

Dr Rochkead: A properly done abortion does not usually increase the risk of infertility. If you have a properly done abortion, in a proper centre, with proper sterile equipment and room and so on, it will not cause an increase in the risk of you becoming infertile. But any abortion if improperly done can increase the risks.

He's a one-minute man

Andrea M: Is there a way to make my husband last longer during sex?

Dr Rockhead: Not necessarily on the female side. There are other things that can cause a man to have premature ejaculation. So this could mean seeing a urologist because it can have underlying pathological causes. It can either be psychological or pathological. If a man is having premature ejaculation problems, the best thing is for him to consult his general doctor who can refer him to the appropriate person who would be able to help him.

I have no sex drive

Althea S: I used to enjoy making love with my husband but now it's something I do just to get him off my case. I don't have any sex drive, how do I get it back?

Dr McGill: Getting back your sex drive is not a mechanical thing like fixing a car. It is connected to the relationship and how you feel you have been treated by your partner. Do you feel respected in your relationship? Is your partner faithful to you? Do you have doubts about his faithfulness? Is he a good father to your children? So if there are relational issues it means you are going to have to work to clearing those up, because that is connected to your sex drive. I don't know your age or sex because the problem can also be biological -- are you in your menopause, for example? So you may need to get a check-up from your gynaecologist and if that is OK, then look to the relational issues. You may both need to talk to a counsellor to help him work out the relationship. Many women who suffer from sex drive problems can usually link their problems to their relationships.

He's too big

Carlene G : I love my boyfriend but is penis is too large. Is there something that can be done to help the situation?

Dr Rochkead: Proper education. You would both need to know what positions work for both of you that will make intercourse pleasurable and not painful.

My jaw hurts!

Bridgette R: How can I make oral sex less painful on my jaw?

Dr McGill: Oral sex is supposed to be pleasurable, it is not supposed to be work. If your goal is to please him at whatever cost, then it is OK occasionally but should not be the routine. If she thinks oral sex is important to her partner and she wants to continue to please him then certainly she has to develop her jaw muscles and her tongue muscles.

It is very easy to develop these muscles as you can suck on things like guineps. When you have guineps in your mouth and you suck on it you will notice that the jaw muscles begin to feel painful and so the more you do this the more the muscles develop. Another thing that you can suck on is a lollipop. What you do is suck on it hard and rest, hard and rest. It has to be that contraction/relaxation method that will build the muscles.

I don't want to initiate sex

Andrea M: Once my partner and I get started I really enjoy having sex. The problem is I just don't ever want to get started.

Dr McGill: You may first need to look at what are the stressors in your life — is it the children? Is it that you are so preoccupied with so many things that sex does not take centre stage anymore? Look back at things when sex was centre stage and see what has changed. Look at your life, you used to have good sex at one time and now you don't because clearly you are preoccupied with something else. So those things that occupy your mind, see if you can find ways of reducing these anxieties. Your partner may also have to help you with some of the things that are preoccupying your time and attention and causing you stress.

Sex is painful

Shirley P: It is really painful when I have sex but I have no foul smell to indicate an infection. What could be wrong?

Dr Rockhead: Different things can cause dyspareunia (pain during sex) . Some of the causes can be endometriosis, uterine fibroids and pelvic inflammatory disease.

Will I stretch?

Kerine D: Can too much sex cause my vagina to become stretched?

Dr Rockhead: No

I don't enjoy foreplay

'Babsy': I don't enjoy foreplay because I can't get aroused even though I really love my partner. Why?

Dr McGill: You would need to see a counsellor, a sex therapist or a psychologist and the questions would be asked — Were you sexually abused in childhood? How do you feel about your body? Do you love how you look? Do you feel overweight, etc. Because you first have to love you and accept you with whatever form or size that you are before you are going to have somebody pay attention to it and loving you. It starts with you accepting you as you are.

I've never had an orgasm

'Peaches': I am 40 and never had an orgasm. How can I experience this?

Dr Rockhead: There are lot of 40 year olds who never had an orgasm and there are a lot of women who have had orgasms. Usually there might be a psychological aspect either from their youth or childhood — people who have been sexually assaulted as children, for example, coming up. The best thing to do is to see a sex therapist because they will help their patients to explore the underling psychological causes and help them to probably reach that level of [relaxation that will promote] orgasm.

Could I be allergic to sperm?

Tracy P: Each time I have unprotected sex I get rashes. Could I be allergic to sperm?

Dr Rockhead: It is a possibility that you could be allergic to sperm. So consult your doctor.

I hate oral sex

Verona S: I am not comfortable performing oral sex, but my husband loves it. Should I continue to pretend?

Dr McGill: I always believe in genuine, loving, faithful relationships where you progress towards a more transparent relationship. So at some point you need to let him know that you don't enjoy it that much, but you are doing it because he enjoys it and because you love him. But he will have to decide and say OK, although he enjoys it being done to him, he cannot have it every time he wants it. He has to be considerate of her.

Then you would want to find out what is it about oral sex that makes you uncomfortable? What is it about the penis that you don't enjoy? Is it the size, the scent? You need to figure out that for yourself then decide whether or not your feelings are unfounded — are they coming from issues of the past? If this is so you can get counselling and try to resolve the fears and hang-ups that you have about a penis so close to your face.

No libido after baby

Alicia F: How do I get my libido back after having a baby?

Dr Rockhead: To get your libido back after a baby — a lot of it is hormonal. Hormones tend to have a lot of suppressants to the human sexual drive. The body's morphology has changed because you put on a lot of weight and you don't feel as sexy anymore. So the first thing to do is to try and shed the weight by exercising. Exercise is really good in losing the weight and improving the physical appearance and also in increasing the libido.

Also ensure that you're not going through postpartum depression because this can also suppress the libido. So if you find that you are having issues with your thoughts when you are sitting down and are not motivated to do anything, etc, then you may want to consult your doctor to see if you are suffering from a mild form of postpartum depression. But exercise is very important. If you find that you also no longer have an appetite for food etc, then this could be postpartum depression and the best thing to do is to see your doctor.

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