Mark: I can't figure out why you, a woman, have allowed me to start a column on what is essentially a female 'problem'. Only about 60% of women attain orgasm with penetrative sex. This means that about 4 out of every 10 women have to devise ways other than 'normal' sex to attain that ultimate 'oooooaah!' This is very distressing to men, especially those who have to answer to their male egos.

Chupski: Why would you consider this a female problem? And what 'normal' ways are you talking about? As far as I am concerned, whichever way a lady attains her orgasm is normal. It seems to me that female orgasm from penetrative sex is more of a male problem.

Mark: What do you mean that it is a male problem? Sure there are men who are penile dunces and orgasmic idiots but there are also those who are skilled, patient, loving, 'longstanding' and understanding and with all of those attributes, some women just refuse to climax. What must the man do? Go with the belief that who climaxes first, wins?

Chupski: It is a male problem because men are the ones always asking the question, 'did you climax?' Men get frustrated if a woman doesn't explode while getting her insides 'mined' out. If a man tries too hard then it becomes mentally stressing and physically uncomfortable to the woman.

Only 25% of women have orgasms during penetrative sex (file photo)

Mark: Even the best lover cannot be sure if the lady had an orgasm during penetrative sex. If both are in love and she still fails at it, it means either that the man is unskilled or she has physical or mental blocks. If her clitoris insists on going to bed at that time or if she was molested or raped in the past, then problems will arise. It is important to a man, very important, even to a patient, understanding man that a woman 'explodes' during penetrative sex.

Chupski: I will have you know that WE too like to enjoy sex leading to the big O that is, if we are allowed to get there. It is because of psychological blocks or a man's lack of skills, why women fake orgasms. Just let the lady enjoy the lovemaking. If she has 'abnormalities,' let her reach her climax the best way she knows how.

Mark: If I were a sex counsellor I would advise a woman to fake it until the problem is adequately dealt with. Faking is good - for the man - and I think that some women derive mental satisfaction from making the man believe he was the one who triggered her tremors.

Chupski: Fake it? Are you saying that if I have been faking it, it doesn't bother you? If a lady fakes to please her man she will never be able to reach her 'natural' climax.
I am also glad you mentioned clitoris because the fact that it was made for pure pleasure and is attached outside the vagina means a woman's natural way of having an orgasm is not through penetrative sex.

Mark: That's a very good point about that most misunderstood little button, the clitoris. There are nerve endings running from the clitoris to about onethird of the way inside the vagina. Now, with all of that physically going for you ladies, you should be climax-machines.
Honey, I know that in the seven years we have been together, you have never faked it. Simply because you and I know how to allow you your moments when the obvious takes a rest and together, we climb and climb until you fall beautifully over the edge.

Chupski: Who said I have never faked an orgasm? Anyway Mark, you will never know. And how can women be climax-machines when less attention is paid to our pleasure zone and more to penetration?
And wait - who said it was 60 per cent? I just read Complete Woman and it says that only 25% of women have orgasms during penetrative sex. They will have it whether the man is skilled or not, and the other 75% will hardly ever climax while being penetrated. So men don't force the woman to fake it.

Mark: You faked with me? When? How many times? You are doing this just for the column; right? To add juice to it; right? 75 per cent can't have an orgasm? What a waste!
Listen, a man will win an Olympic gold medal, take a PhD, win the Nobel prize - he will do all of these things and gain the respect of the world, but if he can't get a woman to go oooooah! while he is having penetrative sex with her, he feels as he has attained nothing. That is fact, baby!

Chupski: Oh, so it is about YOU attaining something? I thought it was about giving pleasure to the lady, SELFISH
BA...! And why don't you think that we also enjoy the closeness of penetrative sex? An orgasm is an orgasm whether through penetration or otherwise.

I speak for many women when I say, we like to be penetrated with care by skilled lovers, like you, but we still prefer to do it the most 'natural' and easiest way known to us. There is more than one way to have an orgasm.

Join us each week as Mark Wignall (controversial columnist) and his 'youthful' girlfriend, Sharna Lynch, 30 years his junior, whom he affectionately refers to as Chupski, share their views on relationship issues.
Let us know what you think. E-mail feedback to:

mclymonti@jamaicaobserver.com.

Jamaican Folk Singers concert season September 6-14

Adopt A Band

Summer ends with Summer's Cool this Saturday