Mark: Ours is a society which abhors male homosexuality. Because of that, homosexuals grow up, hide their natural inclinations and eventually marry. Behind closed doors, these marriages are sexual failures even though the husband may be the ideal family man. I find that women in general are more sympathetic to the males in such situations but mostly, such sympathy is shown from the outside looking in. How do you think a woman would react if five years into the relationship she found out that her husband/boyfriend was homosexual?

Chupski: Just to imagine it makes me feel dirty. I believe that there should not be a middle link, meaning that if you are homosexual keep it that way and if you are heterosexual, likewise. A homosexual man who marries a woman is not only nasty but deceptive and not trustworthy, and if after five years a woman finds out her husband is a homosexual that means she discovers she is with a coward, fake, wanna-be. Such a woman would feel raped, unclean, ashamed and disappointed.

Mark: What about the bisexual? What is he supposed to do? Is it possible that this 'middle link' as you call it is a force driving the man and it is more powerful than him just exercising an option? Should he tell the woman before the relationship begins, 'Look honey, I like you a lot but I also like Steve. Could I place him down for Monday nights?'

Chupski: No, no, no! As a woman I could not compete with another man, because even if a guy is not actively cheating on his wife with another man he will do it mentally and that must leave the woman feeling incapable. A woman will never feel sexy or feminine and if she knowingly puts up with it for whatever reason she will subconsciously feel 'male'. I would hate a man for betraying his sexuality and sneaking it in my life; without my consent. I would be furious.

Mark: If your views are representative of women in Jamaica then it means that I am wrong in my initial assessments. I have read many studies on the causes of homosexuality, and we must remember that a lot of the intolerance of it in Jamaica is generated by what we believe are its causes. I believe that most homosexuals are born that way while others are cultivated into becoming so during childhood. It is the belief that it is a learned behaviour during adulthood which is causing so much of the hate. Additionally male homosexuality is seen as repulsive. Is it at all possible that a male homosexual could marry a woman and live out a 'normal' sexual existence with her for say 30, 40 years?

Chupski: Any relationship like that would take unusual effort and tolerance which not only would cause strife but also an almost non-existent sex life, which is unhealthy for anybody's lifestyle. For healthy, normal people, lack of sex can make you wither away, and having to look at someone with absolutely no desire when you are secretly yearning for another is torture. A woman at home not feeling the sex connection between her and him should know something is wrong and investigate.

Mark: I agree. I ought to tell you though that I know of two cases where the wife found out after ten years and more. In both cases, the partners had a very high educational level and that is what I believe made the divorces socially painless. Even in heterosexual relationships there is a considerable degree of deception in the early years. One can only imagine the tales the male homosexual must weave to continue in his marriage to his female wife. Not only that the wife is forced to lie to herself and her friends, most of whom usually suspect the man anyway.

Chupski: How right you are, many wives already know that their husbands are more interested in Steve than them sexually, and their friends know it too, but they stay to fool the crowd and save themselves the disgrace. I don't hate homosexuals or bisexuals but I think they should stick with their kind.

Mark: I would really want to know what 'kind' bisexuals should stick to.

Each week columnist Mark Wignall and girlfriend, Sharna Lynch - 30 years his junior - share their views on relationship issues. Email feedback to mclymonti@jamaicaobserver.com or checkdis@hotmail.

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