Chupski: The most natural thing is for a man to seal his lips when it is time to talk about his relationship. Men never want to talk about that. As far as they are concerned, you and I are together - that means, we love each other; there is nothing to discuss.

This is just one example of how different men and women are. Taking it further though, I know men are more sexually driven than women and never seem to understand when their female partners say they are not in the mood for sex. Plus men don't like to write letters, don't like to shop, don't like to do the dishes, don't like to remember appointments, birthdays or any dates. Men are truly Martians.

Mark: There is emerging evidence, small and trickling, to indicate that the male and the female of the human species may not be that closely related as we have been led to believe. Sure, we mate and produce offspring but based on numerous differences between man and woman, it may be time to re-examine the parameters involved and the basic conditions needed for species labelling.

Chupski: You will never live to see a man cuddling a teddy bear, but ask him to cuddle with a beer bottle and he is perfectly at home. How is it that us women see nothing wrong with hugging and kissing a female friend while a man would contemplate for a long time before giving his dying friend mouth to mouth resuscitation.

Mark: You have captured the very essence of the male/female differences. But there are some female traits which I find disconcerting, to say the least. Women have this habit of talking too much, about domestic issues, friendships, cosmetics. I have seen women talk themselves right into a quarrel when the initial objective was to 'air' an issue, to give it closure. On the other hand, women are a damn sight better at money management than men. Probably the most problematic issue in the male/female variation is the one dealing with sexual partners. Men are basically polygamous while women are constantly striving to hold to a one partner ideal.

Chupski: It is a task for a man to be faithful while it's fun for a woman to be that way. A woman will say to her partner, 'Honey look at these new pink curtains, aren't they just perfect for the bedroom?' He goes into the room comes out and says, 'Oh, they look alright.' She asks, 'What colour are they?' He says red. But if she says, 'Honey I bought some new panties,' he will invite himself to watch her try them on. These are things men do naturally.

Mark: I agree with you, especially about the cute little under-things. Another significant difference is one which impacts on mental stress and physical health. I am talking about breaking up. Women use their peer group to help them get over it. Jesus, women even cry together. Scary! Then they all cuss the man.

On the other hand, a man goes into silent mourning, hugging up a barstool, sending up his pressure. Then later he segues into a sort of sexual madness with multiple partners. Women are definitely the masters of handling break-ups. Another significant difference is religion and children. Older women fall in love with church just as much as they fell in love with their men in their younger years. And of course, men abandon children at a much higher rate than do women.

Chupski: A man never goes to the doctor unless he is on the verge of dying and even so, a woman has to beg him to go. Asking a man to see a doctor is like trying to give a cat medicine.

Mark: Very true on that one, especially where it relates to me. As for you, it is your differences which never fail to capture me. You are soft, warm, firm in places and, if it were not so, I would be scared. With all the clinical evidence available on male homosexuality, I still cannot fathom how two men, two tough, bearded men with hard biceps and all the similarities, get it on. Sick! It is the difference between man and woman which causes the attraction or, as the French put it, vive le difference.

Each week columnist Mark Wignall and his girlfriend Sharna Lynch - 30 years his junior - share their views on relationship issues. Email feedback to mclymonti@jamaicaobserver.com or chekdis@hotmail.com.

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