Mark: Many times you and I have been to places like fancy hotels on the North Coast, and we see people who seem to have lost their way in the battle of the bulge. I am not just talking fat. I mean huge and over 150 lbs overweight. I really do not believe these people want to be this way, but - guess what- they want to enjoy food like ice cream and pastries too.

Chupski: What surprises me is how happy these people look when consuming an unbelievable amount of unhealthy foods. Many of those people I believe are going through some major unhappiness and eat more for comfort. It is quite likely that the unhappiness sprung from the very obesity which crept up on them.

Mark: My point too. There is the likelihood that these people were once slim. With that in mind, they must miss the days when they were not so huge and grotesque. But it is very delicate, in terms of how people criticise very fat persons. You can tell a man he drinks or smokes too much but once you tell a person he or she is eating too much- especially if you are slim - the explosions occur. The fact is, the matter of obesity is not just one of self-esteem especially where sex is involved. It is a serious health problem.

Chupski: I feel pity for overweight people, especially the ones who were once slim and know how it feels to be light and free. These are the people who gained 5 pounds and took advice from other people who told them they look better with the extra five pounds. So they relaxed, got comfortable and didn't seem to notice as their size slowly increased. One day they try to fit into something they haven't worn for a while and realize they need a completely new set of clothes.

Mark: I never thought of it that way... but like everything else in life, a gradual start, destructive though it may have been, was the path to the sorry end. Remember late last year, we saw two really fat people eating breakfast in a fancy hotel on the north coast. The man had to be about four hundred pounds and the woman at least three hundred. They had these huge bowls of food in front
of them wolfing down the contents. My first thought was, how do they have sex? What is your view on that, honey?

Chupski: Sex between two hugely oversized people has got to be something to laugh about although obesity is not a laughing matter. I do not think overweight has ever hindered any one from having sex. It may slow them down and that by itself is unhealthy because it means less physical activity. I do not know which is better, being fat and happy or being fat and bitter. It is as if someone held a gun to your head and told you to eat until you were grossly overweight.

Mark: The man who drinks himself to an early death and the young woman flirting with smoking have a lot in common with the person eating too much. While they are in the early stages, it appears oayk to them. What separates obesity from the other vices is, it is very visible and, the world places a lot of stock on people looking good.
The best-looking people tend to get the best-looking people as sex partners. The best-looking people tend to get the better jobs. It is not so much how I define it as how it is defined by international standards. There are still countries where to be fat is considered healthy. Even in the rural areas of Jamaica people talk about how "she look nice and fat." But once the fat has arrived, I think that the very obese person spends more time eating away their unhappiness rather than struggling to get rid of the excess, deadly fat.

Chupski: After being huge for a long period many people come around to convince themselves that they are comfortable. There are many 'attachments' that comes with being fat, for example, health, hygiene, and just plain excess baggage. I do not believe it is possible to have a happy and healthy relationship or marriage if one partner is fat because there will always be comparisions made either openly or implied.

Mark: I am amazed that the US (where money, materialism and looking physically good are emphasized more than in other countries) is the fat capital of the world. It is estimated that 60 per cent of the population is seriously overweight. I am not addressing overweight people per se but SERIOUSLY overweight people. And I can appreciate that some are genetically predisposed to obesity. This life is short, hard and, there are no guarantees. It is enough to worry about a job, money, bills and relationships without adding the self imposed health problems of excess obesity. We need to care about
these people and recognise that they are suffering in silence.

Chupski: If we pretend that the very fat are happy and just want to be left alone we may be doing them a disservice. The problem is, we cannot help people who do not want to help themselves. But most women I know who are very fat want to get rid of it. They are far
from being happy.

Each week columnist Mark Wignall and his girlfriend Sharna Lynch - 30 years his junior - share their views on relationship issues. Email feedback to mclymonti@jamaicaobserver.com or checkdis@hotmail.com.

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