They say that man is naturally polygamous. Is polygamy natural to mankind or is it specific to men? Man is a sexual being. There is also no question that sex makes the world go round. The question, however, needs to be asked: are women naturally monogamous?

Monogamy as defined by The Concise Oxford Dictionary is "the practice or state of being married to one person at a time or the habit of having only one mate at a time". Is it a myth to consider women as being monogamous and, if this is so, is it natural or is it an imposed, learnt behaviour, dependent on one's socio-cultural orientation? By and large, women seem to stick to one man.

A woman, who is happy and in love, won't usually have intercourse with anyone but her partner. However, some women profess undying love for their man and, yet, are able to have sex with others. A woman who does that is quite able to rationalise this behaviour. She may say that he is able to sleep around, even though he loves her and it would, therefore, mean that two can play.

The thing about a woman who plays around and has a main man in her life is that she will do her darnedest not to let him know what she is doing unless, of course, she wants things to come to a head and have a showdown. So are women any different from men?

Men will love you with all their heart and still have sex with countless others. They can have sex in an emotionless way, getting only obvious physical pleasure. And, if we think about it, we women do derive the same pleasure and release from all forms of sex. If women can derive such pleasure, like men, how come they tend to stick to one man, unless, of course, they are giving him serious "bun"?

If we look at eastern cultures, we will see that women are socialised into being a man's plaything. They may end up as one out of a harem and they accept this. They are not even expected to enjoy the sex act. One only needs to look at the rampancy of female circumcision to know that women on that side of the world are deemed to be men's sexual playmates. A man may take many wives and each one dutifully awaits his pleasure.

The westernised woman, on the other hand, is quite liberated. She is sexually astute and aware and, if her man is not giving her what she wants and needs, she will find her own salvation. There are so many women in stable relationships who do that. They will readily admit that they love their man, but because he may be out there or he is neglecting them, they find solace elsewhere. The problem is that women are so adept at hiding their infidelity that many a man is shocked to learn that his woman has been giving him bun.

So, the women who play around can have sex with more than one man and the good thing for them is that they can sleep with several men in succession without a problem.
Men, whether in the eastern world or the western world, are socialised to take their pleasure as and when it suits them.

They sow their wild oats and, once married, a lot of them continue to seek variety. It is not only expected, it is encouraged. We women encourage it when we sleep with men, whether married or single, knowing that they are otherwise involved. It really takes two. So if we accuse men of polygamy, we are also polygamous when we sleep with more than one man.

The tragedy is that there are more women who are more polygamous than we know or would care to admit, and that is why we have a pandemic HIV/AIDS scare. Contrary to popular belief, HIV/AIDS is largely a heterosexual disease.

It is high time that women take responsibility for the sexual messes they often find themselves in. They really cannot have it both ways. How can they expect fidelity when they themselves are not faithful and encourage their men to be unfaithful?

When one looks at the sexual revolution in which we find ourselves, one cannot help but come to the inescapable conclusion that not only are men polygamous, but their female counterparts are as well. Just as an erect penis has no conscience, a docile vagina has none either. I believe in calling a spade a spade.

Society tells us that we should be monogamous, but condones polygamy by men, and, all the same, women will do what they want. We cannot claim that, as westerners, we are monogamous but behave in a polygamous manner. It is high time we come to grips with what we truly are, if we are to change, that is if we want to.

After all is said and done, to thine own self be true. What will it be monogamy or polygamy?

Joy Crawford is an attorney-at-law.

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