It's a common occurrence. More widespread across all social classes than most people would imagine. Spousal abuse has jolted many couples to the reality that not all relationships turn out the way they dreamed.

In fact, many people, mostly women, have to live with the disappointment of broken and abusive relationships, and they simply drag their way through it in the hope that things will get better.
But better doesn't always come, and many times they're left fighting a daily emotional battle.
Here, Claudia, a nurse and journalist's wife, tells her story of years of abuse at the hands of her husband, and why she still stays.

It started after my birthday
"I remember it clearly. The first time it happened was the day after my birthday, March 19, 1996. It was one blow. I didn't know what to do and so I cried all night. The day before I had asked him for some money that he had borrowed from me. I wanted the money to pay for my dancing lessons. I owed for some classes and in order to go back, I had to pay it off, so that was what caused the argument that led to the blow.

During the week that followed he sent me a basket to make up for what he had done. I accepted, and we moved on. But since then it has happened many times. The hitting takes place at home, in the car, on the streets...

The last real bad one was in 2002. I was doing my first degree at UWI at the time. But I had stopped to study with some classmates. He called to find out what time I was getting home. I told him I wasn't sure, but that I wanted to finish with my studies first. He kept calling me. The last time he called I had just driven up to the gate. I told him I was at the gate and hung up.

As soon as I went into the bedroom and put down my bag he began to punch and box me and ask why I hung up the phone on him. I told him I didn't and I started crying and reached for my car keys, but he overpowered me and took them away. I decided that I would rather walk out than have him beat me to death, so I picked up the grille keys. He took that from me too. So I was stuck in the house. He took up an iron pipe and I got really frightened. I asked him what he was going to do with it, I asked if he was mad. I guess I got through to him because he eventually put it down.

I then went on the sofa and decided I was going to spend the night there. After a while he asked if I wasn't coming to bed and I told him no. He literally dragged me on the floor to the bedroom and pushed me on the bed where he then sexually abused me. I just lay there until he was finished.

On to the Women's Crisis Centre
The next morning my face and eyes were swollen. My son saw it and became enraged. I went to the Women's Crisis Centre. A lady there told me about the shelter but I didn't like how it sounded. So I did the next thing she proposed. I booked a room in a cheap hotel and stayed for three days. I then decided to tell my older sister about the abuse. She was very upset to find out that all these years I had been going through this and never said anything to anyone.

Since she already knew, I decided it would be better to go and stay with her. She lived alone at the time. He didn't try to find me or contact me or anything. After four weeks he found out where I was and came there. My sister told him that the best thing to do was to take me out, especially since it was August 7 - our anniversary. I decided to go. But of course we argued - he didn't like the way I was dressed. I thought I looked nice, but he didn't like the spaghetti straps and pants that I was wearing. He always wanted me to dress old fashioned.

My kids saw him hit me
I have evidence of his abuse because both of my kids have seen him hit me. One of my sons isn't biologically his, and when he turned 19, he ordered my son out of the house against my will.

After that he tried to hit me, but I think he thought about it, especially now that other people knew about it. He hasn't hit me physically since.
But that didn't stop the abuse. He has called me derogatory names like 'dutty gal', 'mongrel' and 'john crow', so the verbal abuse still continues.

I think his abuse is because of insecurity. I was the main breadwinner. It was since his last job that he started in 2005 that he has really been financially stable. Now I think he feels he has 'arrived' so he doesn't need me. That was the same year I got sick.

For three months straight I couldn't go to work. I had to stay with my mom during this time and she, along with my three sisters, took care of me. He didn't call or come by to find out how I was doing. The only time he came by was to tell me that he wanted his health card. Since he was the one paying for it, I gave it to him.

I suffered a series of illnesses, which began in March 2005. I initially developed bronchopneumonia, which resolved very slowly and subsequently required bronchoscopy and lung biopsy. I also had symptoms of lethargy, fever and anaemia. All this was a result of the stress that I was going through. One day I came and the lock was changed. I had to call in the police.

Emotional abuse
When I called my son during this time he would tell me that his father hasn't been home. He would be missing from Friday to Sunday. By October, I found out he was having an affair.

Initially I thought he was staying with his mother in rural St Andrew, but I soon found out the woman was actually living in front of his mother and that his mother was aware of the affair.

I found out because I kept seeing this particular number coming up on the phone bill. When I asked my son about it, he didn't know it. So I called the number and got the woman and we began to talk. I told her he had a son who is left alone at home at nights because I had to work night shift. She told me he had told her we had separated. From then he starting coming home. She broke it off with him after she heard my story.

Financial abuse
In May 2005, my lawyer sent him a letter advising that he support his family financially as he had stopped doing so. But he did not respond to the lawyer's letter. So in October of that same year another letter was sent to him advising him to stop the verbal abuse and to pay maintenance to me in the sum of $40,000 per month and our son in the sum of $30,000 per month.

The payment was to have started in October of that year - to this very day he hasn't paid a cent! The letter also advised that if he persists with the abuse and non-payment of maintenance the lawyer would file a suit without further reference to him at his expense. But he has gotten so bad that I now have to find the money to pay the lawyer to conduct the lawsuit against him.

Ironically, that same year he received a prestigious journalism award. In 2006 he also received another award, and one year he was even on the list of International Who's Who of Professionals. I guess he was on the wrong list!

Walking out
He insists it is his house and he is not leaving here. The house is in both our names and he still pays the mortgage. So I decided I would go. I have thought about renting somewhere, but then my credit card is up to the max and I can't afford rent. So I insisted, too, that I am staying.
Right now I would say that we are separated, even though we live in the same house. We don't sleep together, we have not shared a bedroom since April.

In the nights I get claustrophobic because I have to lock the bedroom door. I don't trust him because I don't know what state of mind he is in. I believe he is very depressed at this time so I don't know what he will do.
I wanted to mend it. Even up to March of this year when I was going to work at nights I would leave him love notes. I was thinking that for our 20th anniversary this year we could renew our vows.
But when the pastor told him in February to take me to lunch and he looked at the pastor and said "that will never happen", that was when I realised that trying to mend was a waste of time.

Advice to others
The very first time it happens [you are hit] let someone know. Because if you don't, after that you begin to believe it is OK. Nowadays you have suicide and homicide, but if you expose them from early they will think twice, knowing that they won't be able to get away with it.

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