SHE seems content. The fact that he may be somewhere else with some other woman, who is giving him what she is not ready to give him, doesn't sway her. She'll remain a virgin until she's ready to partake in sexual intercourse.

She's 22 years old, has been with him for four years and "everything still seems to be fine". He's 13 years her senior and has the sexual experiences to prove it.

"So I allow him to sleep with other women. He's much older than I am and much more experienced too. I'm not ready for sex as yet but I still love him enough to let him enjoy what he's used to," she tells all woman. "I'm not a selfish girlfriend. I allow him to have just sex with other women until I'm truly ready to start having sex."

Adding that the agreement was her idea, she says she initially told him that she wasn't ready for a relationship because she wasn't ready for sex, but he promised to wait until was ready.

"But after the first year of our relationship, I started feeling as though I was depriving him of something that he's used to doing. He loves sex and he speaks about it a lot, so I told him that it's okay if he had it (sexual intercourse) with other women until I'm ready," she says.

"At first, he was very upset about what I suggested and told me that he's okay with what we have, but I knew that he really missed sex. But I'm not sure if he has started to have sex with other women. I don't ask him, he doesn't tell me. We have an 'open relationship'

Open relationships are long-term bonds where one or both members of the committed couple agree to participate in sexual activities with other partners.

However, in this case, only one partner is partaking in sexually activities outside of the primary relationship.
Some psychologists classify this type of open relationship as the 'primary/secondary model of open relationship'.
Relationship counsellor, Kathy Labriola is a US counsellor and nurse who has written various articles on polyamory (participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships).

She said in an article Models of Open Relationships, that in the primary/secondary model, the original couple's relationship will have precedence over any outside relationships.

"No outside relationship is allowed to become equal in importance to the primary relationship," she says.
But associate counselling psychologist from Family Life Ministries, Angela Daniels says open relationships are unhealthy and abnormal.

"In a 'relationship', two mature persons come together to form a common bond. But open relationships are quite different. The union is more like an 'arrangement' rather than a 'relationship' and it's a deviation from the societal norms," Daniels says.

She says that the arrangement is unhealthy for several reasons, including that the woman is opening herself up to emotional and psychological problems.

"Most importantly, she's opening herself up to Sexually Transmitted Diseases. She permits this type of behaviour in her head but emotionally she cannot be okay with it. Women like to be valued, respected and appreciated, but in this type of relationship she is not getting that security. Women usually have problems in their relationship as soon as they suspect that their partner is cheating on them with another woman. This 'arrangement' is damaging to the woman," Daniels says.

She said that after a while, the woman would have lost her individuality and identity in the relationship, and when she finds herself and is ready to start taking part in sexual relations with the man, she'll be very distrustful.

"There's no guarantee that when she's ready to partake in sex with him, he'll stop cavorting with other women," she says.

"As a result, the man can become controlling and abusive when he isn't able to get what he wants. This type of relationship don't usually last for long."

Regarding the reason such a woman would allow her man to cheat, Daniels says, "Her behaviour suggests that she has some insecurity and self-confidence issues. It may be that she wants to hold on to the man so she allows him to be with other women, but this is still very unhealthy."

Daniels deduces that the origin of such 'abnormality' may be childhood issues that were carried over into adulthood.
"The norm in our Christian society is for two adults to enter into a relationship with the aim of marriage. Anything outside of that is unhealthy," Daniels stresses.

Trousers in Denim

Cream of the 'Crop'

Cheeky's World