THE bra burning educated woman of the '60s independent era not only brought with her lessons in female survival for the rest of her species, but the ire of many of her male counterparts who were unable to deal with the alternative to the 'pregnant and barefoot' model.

But with development and globalisation came changes in attitude, and the 20th century even saw innovations like the househusband, the stay at home dad and even the man who cried contentment in the fact that his woman was earning more than he was.

So one would think that we're at the stage where most men have become more accepting of the 'on equal footing' theory - especially since women have been championing their causes in education and the workplace, outsmarting and outnumbering men at every step of the way.

But no. In fact a new theory has arisen - men are now blaming the emergence of the educated, independent woman for opening the doorway for the neglect of homely duties resulting in relationship breakdowns and divorces.

While most women will agree that independence is a wonderful thing, men like Kuntaye Steele and Delroy Pryce feel that women are now neglecting their 'womanly' duties which contributes a great deal to the divorce rate.

"They (women) will give the man sex but they won't clean, cook and take care of him. Men are not getting the love and attention they need. Women don't see these things as being important in a relationship anymore. But that will let the man stray," Steele said.

He noted that it all began with the woman getting educated and independent.

In fact, as recently graduated accounting major Delton Allen will tell you, this is the reason why when he starts actively seeking a life partner this year, he will stay away from the type of woman he met at university.

"It just wouldn't work," Allen said. "I want someone to support my dreams and to rub my back and feet when I get tired. I want a geisha girl who will attend to my every need. These so called independent women won't even boil water for tea if you're dying. I know better than to get involved with anyone like that 'cause we'd be divorced before the first anniversary."

Counselling psychologist from the Women's Resource and Outreach Centre, Faith St Catherine, says while there may be some truth to when the men are saying, one should be conscious of the fact that times and situations have changed and so has the role of women.

"Once work was available to mainly men, now you find women being able to enter into any field," she said. "Relationships therefore need flexibility. Lots of men are not working or are not earning enough and it takes a lot to send a child to school now compared to then. So you find that in order for needs to be met the woman has to work."

St Catherine said it takes two to make a relationship work, and so the cause of the breakdown shouldn't shift to one party.
"The man now needs to know that if the woman has to work she needs assistance," she said. "I understand the importance of nurturing but men need to understand that they are both going in the same direction."

But Pryce, who lives in upper St Andrew was adamant that regardless of the fact that they both may go out to work, a woman's role is in preparing his meals and taking care of him.
"Women mek up different still, dem have extra energy, and dem have to know say once they tek up a man, dem haffi tek care of him. A fi dem role dat! Worse if dem want di man fi stay," he said. "A nuff more woman out dere still - more women than men so if she not handling her business a just movements!"

Steele argues: "Women nowadays would rather run away the man than to do those things (cook, clean etc) and will tell him that is a helper him looking! It's take out service or who gets home first do the cooking," Steele added. "Now you are hearing about 'modern' girls, taking over. But the best type of girl is the modern girl with the old fashion type of loving."
This he said he observed while growing up with his grandmother.

"I grew up with my grandmother and I used to see my grandmother take care of my grandfather, she treated him like a king! She would cook his meals and dish it out in separate plates. She would ensure that his meals were warm, his clothes were cleaned and proper and took care of the home."

But as time went by this 'king' treatment gradually changed.

"When I compare the way my grandmother treated her husband to the way that my mother treated her husband, I realise that even though my mother treated him well, it was not as good as my grandmother did. Then I compare my mother's treatment to the women these days and I realise that the care of the man is being neglected. Look at the amount of divorces that are happening now. Back then this was not the case."

And that's why, Leighton Fuller said, many men refuse to marry these 'modern' girls, and even if they do, they have 'traditional' women on the side.

"I must admit that I fell for a girl at UWI - pretty girl and I married her," he said. "But worse than the fact that she wasn't the cooking type, was the fact that she was Trini and you know dem girls deh nuh tek nuh talk. I have to admit that before she left me and went back home I cheated - I'm still with the girl, a nice country girl from St Mary who never see the inside of a lecture theatre yet and who can cook like mi granny."

Said St Catherine: "Women are not deliberately neglecting their spouses. It is just that they are trying to adjust to a changing world. And the more developed the country the harder things get. The demand is more stressful. Women are really just trying to cope and coping is stressful."

Steele agrees. "You know that they love you still but it's just that they do things differently now. It is how women are socialised now. And even those who carry out these duties their girlfriends call them poppy-show. They don't see these duties as being important in a relationship. They see cooking as something for special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, etc."

While not breaking it down in terms of reason for filing, Statistical Institute of Jamaica figures show that the divorce rate in 1997 was 1,266 compared to 1,768 documented for 2007. However, the divorce rate in 1974 (the era when women were said to have treated their men like kings) was 740.

"There is no one explanation for the difference in the statistics. But the fact is that the society keeps growing and changing. We are more developed. Women are doing everything now," St Catherine reiterated. Other reasons why the independent woman may have a troubled relationship:

1. The man sends the woman through school and gets left behind as he elevates her. She later considers him 'not in her league' and seeks companionship with someone more appropriate.

2. The man is insecure. He feels inadequate since she does not rely on him to provide for her and the household.

3. Men like to feel that they are in control. When the reins of control have shifted they become hostile and defensive.

4. Ego struggle - Since he cannot control his spouse, he finds someone outside of the relationship who is less educated, in a lesser job position and sometimes less attractive that he can actually control.

For *Prince and his wife *Sweets, from St Catherine, point number one sums up their situation.

He recalls sending his wife (of two years at the time) to nursing school. After she graduated, she started her practice. He was a woodworker. Before, they had a really loving relationship. Then suddenly nothing he did was good enough anymore. So after seven years of marriage, they separated. He went to live with someone else whom he considers more compatible, and she continued in her profession and started a basic school.

"I think she only wanted to get a profession out of me," he said. "She has a sister and the same thing happened - after she left school she left her husband too. One thing I know, I will never put out that much effort with any woman again, even if she is my wife!"

But others like David Mitchell says though his wife Marlene - a director at a government ministry who now has two degrees and is currently pursuing her Masters - is cashing in the big bucks, he doesn't in any way see it as a problem since he is the one who allocates and spends her money anyway. He admits that she has never once used this as a weapon against his high school education and on and off jobs.

*Names changed

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