Dear RB,
My son is seven and is displaying tendencies that I am not comfortable with. He wants to play with his sisters' dolls, and allows the girls to dress him up in hair clips and paint his nails. I became enraged the other day when I saw him dancing ballet while watching TV. I don't want to stifle him, but I don't want him to grow up gay either. I want him to play ball, but he doesn't even want to leave the house barefoot! He's around a lot of women and I'm the only male influence in his life, unfortunately I work out of town and only see the family on weekends. How can I turn him around to do manly things?
- Concerned Father

Dear Concerned father,
Since you have not, I will say it. You can't say that your young son is having homosexual tendencies because he likes dolls and plays with his sisters and her friends. I do not think that you can say that you will reverse these inclinations by getting him involved in more manly pursuits. I know how frightened you must be if you believe that your son is gay, but may I say that your son, when he comes to this realisation will also be concerned. I do not believe that anyone chooses lightly a lifestyle that exposes him/her to violence, exclusion and ridicule.

You are correctly concerned that you do not spend enough time with your son. Sons need their fathers to pattern themselves after. They need your help to understand how men see and experience the world. This is your job as his father, and know this, his mother can't do this. So spend more time with your son. Learn to love him as he is.

Don't worry about his little boy games, just try to encourage his talents and help him realise his dreams. Encourage him to be his authentic, true self. That is the best gift you can give your son. I believe that if you do this you will learn to love your son, and if the day comes when he must cope with this challenge or any other challenge, he will know that he can count on his father's love and support. If you do not do this and force him to become your mirror image, he will ultimately resent you and hate himself for not loving his father. Try. I know that it is not easy, but you must do this for your son. He is depending on you.

Need no-frills advice about relationships, sex or just about anything else? Send questions to RB Samuels c/o all woman, 42 Beechwood Ave Kgn 5; via email to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com or fax 968-2025. We're sorry, but RB cannot provide personal responses.

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