UP until recently, single-parenthood was considered the domain of mothers taken with the task of raising their children alone. This, as some men were stereotypically considered to be sperm donors whose only contribution to their child, did not go beyond biology.

Now, with the increase in divorces and the decision by some women to become independent and pursue other alternatives to motherhood, the concept of single-fatherhood is becoming more popular. Men are now being recognised more for the part they have played in the development of their child. Some have even taken on the task of raising their children alone.

Oral Small knows what it means to raise his child alone. After he ended the relationship with his daughter's mother shortly after she was born, he took the child to live with him until she migrated to the United States last year at the age of 23.

Small said raising a child from baby to adulthood presented many challenges. This, especially since he was working as a security guard at the time, which meant long hours away from home. Today, he has no regrets about the decision he took.
"Mi done know that is my child and her mother no check fi her, so mi did just have to do all that I could for her," he says.

Founder of Father's In Action and the Father's Crisis Centre, Lanny Davidson, defines a single father as one who raises one or more of his children by himself without the mother living in the house.

Davidson himself has been a single father for the past 17 years after he got custody of his son. He came to national prominence when he became ensued in a heated custody battle with his ex-wife over his daughter.

Single fatherhood, he says, "has been a wonderful journey, my son and myself are best friends and do a lot of stuff together, his friends are my friends and some of them even call me before calling my son. Some hang out with me when my son is busy, my life surrounds my children".
Small says raising his daughter alone meant that he had to make sacrifices. He recalls days when he had to give up his social life to stay home and take care of her.

"I was a member of a marching band and there were times when I was supposed to go to meetings and she want to sleep, so I had to stay home. By the time she fall asleep, it was too late for me to go again," he says. "Sometimes a all waan go out and mi put her down and go bathe and get ready and by the time mi come out of the bathroom she start sleep, so mi have to just cancel that."

After a while he got used to giving up some aspects of his life to take care of his daughter.

"One and two time, mi might say cho, mi wish I did have somebody to stay with her but I don't regret it, because you never know what God have plan for you, because I might did go out a road and something could a happen to mi, meanwhile when mi stay home mi more safe," he reasons.
Psychologist Leachim Semaj says this is all part of single parenthood.

"A single parent whether a mother or father has to give up a lot of their social life, especially if the child is younger. More often than not, women have actually anticipated and chosen that role," he said.

On weekends, Small says he got some reprieve, as he would take his daughter to stay with his sister and mother in St Catherine. Having been separated from her mother, Small said his daughter was very clingy and it took a while for her to start staying with his relatives without his supervision.

Semaj describes single parenting as, "A traumatic reality. It is something that we should not encourage. It is something that we should do as a last resort. The minimum a child needs is two parents".

He is of the view that it is in the best interest of the child to be with the mother in many cases.

"A parent can't play both roles of mother and father. Any man that says that, they are lying. The role of the mother is of greater need the younger the child is. As the child gets older, then the absence of mothering is less traumatic, and then a father can compensate," he says.

Davidson agrees that a father can never take the role of a mother in a child's life. Likewise, he believes that a mother can never take the place of a father.

"The myth that a mother can be both mother and father is the furthest thing from the truth. She can only be a good mother and that's it. She cannot be a father, children need their fathers just as much as their mothers," he says.

Small says that although his daughter was just a baby when he took sole custody of her, he was able to manage and feels it was the best decision at the time.

"The only problem I had was financially. Basically, we were alright because I could do everything for myself. I use to wash, cook, clean and plait her hair," he said.
He knew how to do these things prior to taking his daughter; even the plaiting of her hair.

"I could plait from my youth days. I usually fly kite and I would have to plait the tail. But like certain little techniques to get the hair lay down and all that, my girlfriend teach me them things there," he said.

Ainsley Chamberlain believes raising a son alone can be just as challenging as raising a daughter. The father who has been living alone with his son for the past seven years says he has had to learn to find a balance between work - which would help him to provide for his child's needs - while at the same time looking after his son.

Chamberlain took sole custody of his son when the relationship with his child's mother ended when his son was three years old.

Although his child's mother lives nearby, Chamberlain says his son mostly visits her during the summer holidays. But he is not daunted; raising his child alone is something he enjoys.

"I am a person who is not afraid of challenges and especially challenges that work for good. When she was going to go away, she say she was going to leave him with me so I said okay, not a problem. I was never afraid of taking up my responsibility," he says.

Chamberlain says while he struggles financially in raising his son, he has been able to manage as a single father thus far.
"I try to assist him to understand his role as a child, what he is supposed to be doing like make sure him wake up early in the mornings so that him can get to school. I also teach him how to prepare himself to go to school, such as cleaning his shoes. He started recently to press his uniform and to make breakfast and all those things," he says.

The father takes on the harder challenges such as washing his son's clothes and preparing dinner.
Small said he started teaching his daughter to take care of herself when she started going to high school. This made his job a little bit easier.

"Straight up to high school I did everything for her. But I always tell her that when she reach high school she going to have to comb her hair herself and wash her uniform and so forth, and as she start go I drop certain things," he says.

Both men said they got a lot of attention being single fathers. In fact it sometimes worked in their favour.

"You get far more respect, far more attention as a father growing up your daughter. A couple years ago, you never have many fathers involved in their children life like now," he says.

At school, Small said he became a favourite with the teachers who never failed to offer their commendation to the single father.

"The teachers them always know me. The teacher them praise me and say she a come a school neater than some of the children them that live with them mother. Everyday mi use to comb her hair," he said.

Even the ladies took notice. "Most of the time if she going to be late, I usually let her eat her breakfast while I plait her hair. I always sit around the front because round there was brighter so I could see to part the hair more. The girls usually gather up at my gate a morning time, and a watch me," he said. Chamberlain says that persons always noticed the fact that he was a single father.

"It is always like an amazing thing for people. Because the fact is that you have mostly single mothers and not single fathers, but I think there are a lot of single fathers but people don't notice it," he said.

But while there has been an increase in the number of single fathers, Semaj says society still questions the motive of the father.

"We tend to believe that a man can always find a partner, so when a man elects not to chose a partner to help with parenting, society questions it. While if a woman doesn't have a partner, we are more accepting that her motive is that she can't find anyone or that she has devoted herself to her child.

Davidson says he finds that some single father do not talk about their status because they fear being ridiculed. On the other hand women are not afraid to do so and have been endorsed by advertisements that portray them as being the more effective parent.

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