How to tell your long-term partner to use a condom

Sunday, November 08, 2009 2:41 AM

All Woman

Donna Hussey-Whyte

Monday, June 29, 2009

CONDOM negotiation is an essential part of a sexual relationship, especially in light of the fact that over 27,000 Jamaicans are carriers of the HIV virus, with 75 per cent of that amount not aware that they are in fact infected. But when a partner of say five or 10 years suddenly ups and tells his/her spouse that they feel they should start using a condom, eyebrows are lifted and questions raised.

But condom use - even in long-term relationships - is something health officials have been advocating for years, as the incidences of sexual diseases amongst these groups increase.

"It is very important to introduce condom use in the relationship," Ainsley Reid, counsellor and co-ordinator of the Greater Involvement of People Living with HIV/AIDS said. "When you look at relationships many people think theirs are stable - and rightly so, because their spouse shows signs of stability. But persons are surprised that things that use to bind them together are not there. They then discover that their partner has in fact been cheating."

Reid said while it is difficult to broach the topic of condom negotiation, it can in fact be done, even in long-standing relationships. Some of the ways you can bring the topic up are:

. Look at how you can discuss things related to what is happening in Jamaica. Example, start by saying that with over 27,000 persons infected with HIV, and 18,000 not knowing that they have it, these persons are in fact spreading the virus to others unknowingly.

. It is important to not just use condom but to talk about it. Talk about the reasons why you feel it is important to use a condom.

. If you know that your partner has been unfaithful, use this as a trigger for condom negotiation.

. Use something that you see on television as a means of starting up the discussion - example, "Look at Ainsley who does the HIV ads, he doesn't look sick, he looks good and healthy and yet he has it. You can't tell by just looking so you don't know who is who. Maybe it is time we start using condoms".

. Use risk assessment as a trigger to start the conversation. Example, that either you or your partner could be carrier of the virus for years without even knowing it, and since you don't want to run the risk of either you or him acquiring it, it is best to practise using condoms.

. Explain the need to use a condom not only to prevent STIs, but also to prevent pregnancy.

. Invite your partner to go along with you to get tested for HIV and other STIs. Follow this up with the desire to use a condom so that you both can remain risk free. The advantage of this is that you can ask a health professional to talk to your spouse on the importance of condom use, even after being together for years. This will save you having to bring the subject up.

. If one partner is absent from the union for a while, it is important to discuss the need for abstinence and discuss instead other ways of enjoying yourselves as sexual beings without the exposure to infections.

As one health professional noted, Jamaican men have a tendency to have more than one woman, even though they will deny this. It is therefore important that while you will not accuse your partner of cheating, you encourage him to use a condom with you all the time.
Tell him you feel much safer, and that you are not only protecting yourself, but also him in the process.

If you were to grade Derick Latibeaudiere's performance over his 13 years as Bank of Jamaica governor, what grade would he get?
	A
	B
	C
	D
	E
	F

View Results
Results published weekly in Sunday Finance

Username:
Password: