All Woman

10 truths about love I wish I had known 10 years ago

LOVE, SEX, & RELATIONSHIPS

BY DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE All Woman writer

Monday, March 24, 2014    

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MANY times we look back at our past either in embarrassment or in wonderment at the things we did when we were younger. Some we have walked away from with lessons learnt, others we wish we could go back and change.

Love is one of those things we often reflect on, and sometimes wish we knew then what we know now.

This week we ask women to share some truths about love that they wish they knew 10 years ago.

1. Men will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.

"I was married for 11 years and my husband never felt satisfied if he was not abusing me physically. I never fought back because I felt he was stronger than me and would literally kill me if I tried," 43-year-old Sophia B said. "I sat in the condition for 11 years. But if I knew I could be fine on my own I would have walked away the very first time he laid his hand on me. He could only hit me because I allowed him to. And I allowed him to because I stayed."

2. There will be another guy.

"I was involved with this guy and he left me for some other girl. I thought I was going to die," Shanoy T, 31, said. "I was young and in love and I thought he was my world. Day and night I texted him and begged him to take me back. I literally made a fool of myself with this guy. Today I have a wonderful husband who treats me like a real person. But I have come to realise that no matter who it is, if he is not meant to be yours, there will be another guy."

3. Being on your own isn't a bad thing.

"I used to depend on men to make me happy, so if I had a boyfriend and we broke up I moved straight into another relationship," Donaree C, 37, said. "There were times when I had two or three boyfriends at the same time. But now I know being on your own isn't such a bad thing."

4. Just because you love him, this doesn't mean he feels the same.

"Not because you love somebody will they automatically love you back," Janet C, 42, said. "That's something I wish I had known 10 years ago.

5. You cannot change a man.

"It doesn't make sense to try to change a man, because you can't," Camille D, 34, said. "So if you find a man with faults that you can live with, work with it. If you can't work with it, leave him, because it's a waste of time trying to change a man. They only change if they make up their mind to change."

6. Love is not blind.

"People always say that love is blind. Lie," 39-year-old Natalie J said. "You see exactly what you're getting into before you get into it. What you don't see is what you don't want to see because you choose not to see."

7. Mr Right will come along...someday.

"I wish I had known to walk away from a man who just wasn't contributing a thing to my life," Carlene F, 36, said. "All he did was nag because he was jealous and insecure. He was far from my ideal of a man. But I later learnt that Mr Right is out their waiting for you while you're wasting your time with a deadbeat."

8. Don't let any man kill your self-esteem.

"I was with a man who made me feel like tree was growing in my face, like no one else would want me, and like he was doing me a favour to be involved with me," 37-year-old Stacy-Ann B said. "But I should not have allowed him to kill my self-esteem because I am wonderfully and fearfully made!"

9. Don't give up your best friend for some guy.

"I stopped talking to my best friend of nine years after she told me that my boyfriend was putting argument to her," 44-year-old Trudy-Ann G said. "I never believed her and thought she was jealous of us. Today that guy is long out of my life and I lost my best friend over him. That is not worth it."

10. Love and sex are two different things.

"If a man tells you you should have sex with him because he loves you - that's a lie!" Tricia H, 28, said. "That's just an excuse to get in your pants. If he loves you he wouldn't even need to ask you."

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