All Woman

Why women go after married men

Monday, March 03, 2003    

Print this page Email A Friend!


Why? Why would a single (or even attached) woman chase after a married man, when she knows that he is attached to another woman? Easy. It starts off because, as is the human condition, the food on someone else's plate always looks (and sometimes tastes) better than what you ordered.

According to a study conducted by the University of Louisville, many women tend to engage in something the study referred to as "mate copying." In other words, such women tend to believe that if another woman is either after a man or with a man, there must be something he possesses that's worthy of pursuit.

Maybe it's because these women love a challenge, drama, no strings, or even simply the thrill of sin. Whatever the case, many a woman has revealed that sex with attached men is usually incredible.

It's more exciting to be sneaky

Melanie, 28, who enjoys a high-position in a big corporation, admits that she had an affair with a married man who worked in her office. "The sex was awesome because we had to be careful all the time, so when I would end up holding onto a cabinet in the office supplies room... during lunchtime, it would excite me like no other sex I've ever had."

She admits it was tons of fun, until the "relationship" started moving from lust to emotion. "I began behaving like a possessive child and that's when I knew it was time to let go." But Melanie continued, "I knew many women who not only enjoyed lusty relationships with married men, they would take risks that I thought were simply immoral."

What did she think was immoral - this woman who opted to bed a married man, with three little children no less? Well, her list ranged from having sex in the married couple's bed to engaging in unprotected sex.

Then there are the competitive babes...

It's all about competition

"John used to tell me about all the crazy things he and his wife used to do before they got married and started having babies," said Ann, 37. "So after hearing about all the adventurous sex they had, it made me want to show him what I was made of - I wanted to give him that element of sexual excitement."

"We did it anywhere, anytime... until one of his wife's friends saw us and told his wife. Unfortunately, this only made me want him more. I guess my competitive streak took me over and I wanted to win - not him necessarily, I just wanted to win."

More sexual experience

Some women believe that married men have more sexual experience, as most are older and, because they've been making love to the same woman for quite a while, they have an adequate working knowledge of the female form.

"I've been dating attached men for about 10 years. They're the only men I date. I know it sounds terrible but I never plan to marry anyway," says business owner Sylvia, 39.

"It started out by accident. The man I was dating forgot to mention that he was married. I found out four months later by accident because he forgot to remove his wedding band one day. I didn't leave him, and anyway, he treated me like a princess more so after I found out."

When I asked if she loved that first married guy, Sylvia said, "Love? Yeah sure, for the moment. But he made me realize that I can never trust a man. So I'd rather know that he has a wife at home, rather than worry if he's going to cheat. And as well, I can come and go as I please, and he has absolutely no right to get jealous or possessive and the second he tries to pull that crap, I walk."

"As for the sex," she continues, "it's wonderful. These guys are usually deprived or bored with their women, and I'm that exciting, ego-boosting element that they're looking for. And because they've harboured so many fantasies about sex that either their women wouldn't comply with or they would never want to do with her out of respect or fear, I provide that 'fantasy' component that they want so badly.

More like downright cold

For some, however, sleeping with a married man isn't so great once he opts to leave his wife and start anew with the mistress. "When I first met Matthew, sparks flew, we just couldn't keep our hands off of each other," says Kim, 28, a real estate broker. "But we mistakenly thought we were in love and decided that we wanted to make our relationship permanent, so he left his wife. Little did either of us realize that the fantasy would fizzle the moment mundane elements of everyday life reared their ugly heads," she admits.

Suddenly, Matthew didn't seem as thrilling to be around, and he stopped treating her like the object of his every desire. "Sex with a married man has to remain that, just sex. Once we began a relationship, I became jealous - after all, he cheated on his last woman. So I couldn't enjoy sleeping with him the way I used to. Needless to say, he ended up cheating on me."

- Adapted from bodytalkmagazine.com

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

Poll

How would you feel if your partner friended an ex on Facebook? 
I'd see red
I'd be concerned, and we'd talk about it
Chill. Facebook friends aren't real friends
I'd be cool with it


View Results »

Results published weekly in All Woman


ADVERTISEMENT

Today's Cartoon

Click image to view full size editorial cartoon
ADVERTISEMENT