All Woman

7 things women pretend they don’t like...but they're lying

By Shornee Carnegie

Monday, March 03, 2014    

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MEN claim that women are complicated and that we do not know what we want, but I am here to set the record straight once and for all. We are not complicated, just a tad misunderstood.

Most of us know what we want from the minute we meet you, we just pretend we don't because that is what most women do every day of the week — play mind games.

Anyway, here are seven things we pretend we don't like, but we are straight up lying about it.

1. Being like Eve

We would love if we could just lie beside you naked like Eve in the garden of Eden, and get a peaceful night's rest at least two nights out of seven. The reason we pretend we don't like to sleep naked is because some men don't have any limits. A woman coming to bed naked every night would mean open invitation for sex every night. Some of you don't have any conscience, that is why we lie, so we can get some sleep.

2. Sexy times

The truth about it is that many of us are closet freaks. If we are really into you, we will spend most of our waking hours thinking about banging you, than what you would spend thinking about banging us. The problem is that if a woman openly admits that, she is immediately labelled as loose.

3. Going down

Women pretend they don't like cunnilingus, but guys, they do that only when it is not being done properly. For those Jamaican men who still have hang-ups about it, if you intend to try it, just remember you are treading into uncharted territory, so get some decent lessons. This is not something to try if you are not properly trained. If you are not willing to be trained, please stay in your lane, this race is not for you. You do not have the stamina or neck flexibility for it. Please leave it alone.

4. Domination

Women like when their men take control. We pretend we don't like men to be our bosses in relationships because some men tend to go a little overboard with power and become control freaks. When we find a man who tells us exactly what he wants and he is decisive and in control of the relationship, we often sit back and smile and say to ourselves, 'that's my man!'

5. The proposal

Women pretend that they don't care whether a man proposes to them or not, but we all know, as Maury would say, that is a lie. That lie has been perpetrated from generation to generation to protect a woman's pride. It is a defence mechanism. Most of us want to get married, we want that monogamous relationship. Women who often say that they don't need a piece of paper to solidify their relationship are lying because not only do they yearn for the paper, they want the dress, the cake, the bragging rights, the Facebook pictures, the whole nine yards.

6. Meat on the bones

We often pretend that we do not like men with a little meat, but we are really lying. The fact is that we really cannot stand scrawny men. We need to feel at least one or two muscles somewhere, anywhere.

7. Jealousy

We pretend we are not jealous of the girlfriend/best friends that you claim is just your friend from high school days. Women wouldn't mind if you were their only female friend. They lie whenever they say they are OK with that friend, because in a woman's mind, every other woman is after their man no matter what condition the man is in. That is how women are, very territorial.

The truth is that some women lie as much as some men do, and maybe even more, the only difference is that... well there is none, most women and men lie either by nature or nurture.

Shornee Carnegie is an adventurer who likes to give a comedic spin to intense issues. A single professional, she writes to keep sane.

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