A sex worker's guide to keeping him at home
LOVE, SEX, & RELATIONSHIPS
UNBEKNOWNST to their wives, many men engage in sexual relations outside of home for one reason or another. These can be random hook-ups or visits to the professional. Whatever the reason for him stepping out, there are some ways to reduce the likelihood of you sufffering the same fate.
Crucial to the act of infidelity is whether or not he was "smart" enough to use protection. Some men do endanger their lives and that of their wives by consciously choosing a reckless ride. This to the point where innocent wives have contracted sexually transmitted infections (STIs), even the dreaded HIV/AIDS virus.
One wife, Rosemarie Stone, in her book No Stone Unturned, told the story of how she confronted her husband, late UWI lecturer and pollster Carl Stone about the number of women he had slept with during their years of marriage after she was diagnosed with HIV in 1992, which she advises she contracted from him.
And while many women will never truly understand why men dip in someone else's pond, endangering themselves in the process, Carlene D, a 27-year-old masseuse/sex worker advises women to pay keener attention to their husbands.
Carlene said approximately 85 per cent of men who visit the erotic massage parlour where she works are married men or men in steady liev-in relationships. A number of these men, she told All Woman, are in search of something they don't have at home.
"Sometimes they come and they say they don't have the woman to talk to at home, because she probably say she tired or she find some fault or she nagging him," Carlene said. "And it's like they need comfort. Sometimes they come they just talk about their personal life. You even have some ah dem who don't do anything [have sex], they will just lay down with you and tell you their life story," she said. "Sometimes they have a hard time at work and it's stressing. Plus when they go home stress again. So they just need that relaxation. Sometimes I even have to tell them that I am happy to help."
She said there are married men who will make it a weekly affair to visit these parlours, while others develop a monthly routine. Then there are others who, when their wives are overseas or out of town, will visit everyday; but as soon as their wives return they will only do so once in awhile.
"When you ask them why they come [to the parlour] they say they would rather come here because they know it's safer than going on the street to pick up a woman [prostitute] or to go and [pursue a relationship with] somebody," Carlene said.
"Maybe they not feeling well at home, and they dont wanna run to the sweetheart, so they come by us," she surmised.
Carlene says that from the discussions she has had with her clients if the following are done somne men will be less likely to seek our her services:
* Pay attention to your husbands
"My advice to wives is to pay attention. Oh my God! Sometimes I see some of them like they want to take the other road [walk away from the marriage], but because of the kids they stay," Carlene said. "A lot of them choose to stay because of the children. It's sad sometimes. It amazes really me."
Women need to watch changes in habits and the note when he stops telling you about the details of his day.
* Listen to your husbands
"Sometimes it's simple things. The wives just need to listen," she said. Listen to what your man says and doesn't say. Check yourself to makje sure you are not talking too much, or worse yet, talking to yourself.
* Watch porn to learn new sex moves
Yes, it's research. "I know some wives don't want to watch porn and may not be into that sort of thing, but it does help because the men are going to see other stuff out there that they will want, so if they [wives] can keep up to date that is good," Carlene said. Being the lady on the road and a freak between the sheets isn't just talk. Keep him interested. "Pop a new move once in a while" and surprise him.
* Look sexy all the time
"Some of them say when they get home their wife is wearing this long thing and stop looking sexy, because I guess they have on the ring already so they are in a comfort zone. But it's not suppose to be like that," she said. Dressing sexy around the home, when he's there, is an idea worth pursuing. We know the sweats and granny panties are good at certain times, but cleavage bearing tops and shorts that hug the hips must also come out of the closet.
* Make yourself available to him
"Sometimes the men don't really want to go out there but some wives drive them to do it," the sex worker said. "Sometimes even when they done [having sex] you hear them say 'What mi just do?'. And they start worry. Men need no feel like a part of your staff with chores to be done all the time. Sometimes let him hang out and chill; feel comfortable in the live-in space without being asked to fix, lift, move or clean something.
* Never forget he is a man
Men like to feel powerful. Massage the ego. Let him feel good about himself. Calling him "daddy" and letting him feel good about his efforts is important for him to feel the power of putting on the pants. "Some woman want gwaan like a dem wear the pants," says Carlene. Let your man be a man; and you just be a woman -- even twice a week.