WHILE some women — rather unwisely, psychologists say — are quick to bash men every chance they get, believing that it is only fair to ‘tell it like it is’, the truth is that many men thrive on having their egos stroked. Some experts are even of the view that failing to do this will result in serious trouble for the ‘toohonest’ woman, as men may seek out ego boosts elsewhere, often in the arms of other women.

The main reason women give for not telling the man the whole truth, is that lies, little white ones — like he’s the best man she’s ever had, or the best provider and lover — will give him the confidence to feel like a ‘man’, while keeping him faithful and at home.

“I don’t really enjoy sex with my man much. But at the end of it I tell him how great he was and when he’s away I tell him I can’t wait to have him home to love me the way only he can,” Jackie H said. “In fact, I have faked so many orgasms that I don’t even know what a real one feels like anymore.”

And her reason? “Men love when women make them feel good, especially about sex. If you tell a man that he can’t perform, the next time around he won’t even be able to perform. Next thing you know, him gone road to find someone who is really satisfied with his performance. Certain chances I won’t take, because otherwise, he is a really great guy!” she added.

When a woman will boost a man’s ego:

• Lovemaking was poor — This is one of the main areas in which women will boost a man’s ego. When he rolls over with that satisfied smile on his face after what he considers a ‘heated’ round of lovemaking, it’s really hard to crush his ego and so women do the next best thing — lie! Some believe that if they don’t, he might think his best efforts were wasted and seek to try his ‘expertise’ on someone else. In fact, Racquel McCarthy, counselling psychologist and sex adviser on Sex Wise, aired on IRIE FM, said while she is not sure of the percentage of women locally who actually fake orgasms and allow their men to think they did a tremendous job, a lot of women do it!

• He did you a favour — Men love to feel good about themselves and to feel that they make their women happy. Whenever he does something good, let him know, even if all he did was kill a lizard on your wall. This will help him to continue to strive to make things even better.

• He takes care of the kids — Though he is really supposed to take care of his kids, and many times does a poor job generally, a woman may tell a man he’s a great dad, even when all he has done is buy one school uniform for the entire school year, while she has to provide everything else.

“When you encourage him he will do better the next time,” Claudia S said.

• When he fixes something for you — Even though you are a ‘Miss fix-it’ kind of girl, there are some things that you should pretend you can’t do and give him the chance to do it. Then praise his efforts and tell him you don’t know what you would have done without him.

A word of warning from clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell, though:

“Instead of just telling him how great he was (for example in bed), you should try and reason it out,” Dr Bell said. “Lovemaking should be about the woman teaching the man how to love her, and the man teaching the woman how to love him. It is not a star boy thing going on, and men should humble themselves and learn.”

She said if this is not done, then it could lead to eventual frustration for the woman.

“If she is going to tell him how great he was in bed knowing she was not satisfied, then it will lead to frustration for her, which will eventually lead to her not wanting to make love to him at all. This would kill his ego even more,” the psychologist explained.

“No matter how you put it, you can’t boost up something that isn’t there,” Dr Bell said.

She suggests that while women shouldn’t build men’s egos when it is not deserved, they should also not put them down and belittle them.

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