Ms. Betty Lou
I hate to see you women 'turning fool' over men. Every time your cell beeps, you run to it with uncontrollable excitement hoping it's him, and then you are vexed when it's your girlfriend. Your phone becomes your lifeline. You visit his Facebook religiously to browse through his photos or look at girls who comment on his pics — in other words, you stalk him. You make passionate love to your cell on the dance floor because he is texting you. You get all giddy and wide-eyed and sometimes it clouds your judgement.
There are some basic things about men we seem to forget. If a man wants a woman, there is nothing that is going to stop him from going after her. A man who wants to be with you will take you out. He will put in the effort to court you. If he's really into you, you will meet his friends and you will go out in public together, you on his arm.
When we are infatuated our common sense goes out the window. We ignore negative signs or we make excuses for them when they are not up to par. For example, he hasn't called in a week, so you make up some reason to justify it. But no matter what is going on in a man's life, if he wants to talk to you and be a part of your life, he will. If he doesn't call, it should make it easier for you to cut him loose, not hunt him down.
1. STOP reading so deeply and over analysing! "He kissed my forehead, does it mean he's in love with me?" No. He could have very well kissed you on your big toe. "What does it mean when he says 'I hope I get to see you this weekend?' Does it mean he really wants to see me? Should I cancel all my plans in case he asks to see me?" No. And STOP making yourself readily available. Men spend little time reading into your texts and use zero brainpower to send texts. They don't think about how you are going to interpret it. To them it means exactly what it says.
2. DO NOT let your happiness depend on a man or having a man in your life. Focus on you and don't sit around worrying about him. I can guarantee that he is not worrying about what you are doing every second of the day.
3. STOP planning your wedding. Stop imagining what your children would look like. Please don't write his last name after your first. While you see wedding bells, men haven't seen past the first date yet. Or you see wedding bells and he sees you in a thong. They don't think longevity. Take it day by day. Don't speed. Men feel safer that way.
4. Shades of grey are rare with men because actions speak louder than words. Women are sometimes guilty of choosing to see shades of grey, creating shades of grey, or becoming complacent in the shades of grey men create because it's just easier than seeing it in living colour. To him it's casual sex and to you you're dating. Ever hear yourself talking to friends and realise you are making your relationship seem way more significant than it really is? It easier to believe what you want it to be, and live in a delusion. Be honest with yourself and watch his actions so you don't get played.
5. Never assume that a man loves you especially if he's never told you. When he tells you, then consider the possibility. If he doesn't see you the way you want him to, don't sweat it. Women scrutinise themselves terribly wondering why he doesn't want you, what you could do differently. It's not you. You may be the most wonderful woman but if he can't see that it's not meant to be. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.
6. Not every relationship is meant to last. There is a saying, "one day you will meet someone who will make you realise why it didn't work out with anyone else." It's true! You may think he's so great and he's so "the one". If it doesn't work out, imagine all that you were feeling times 500. That's what is waiting for you.
Two images come to mind. The scene in Wedding Crashers where Isla Fisher says to Vince Vaughn, "Don't ever leave me! Because if you do, I'll find you," and the video for Pink's song Please doesn't leave me. Scary! A guy I know once said that the best way to get a man is to "remain neutral." Ever hear the saying, "watch pot nuh boil?" Don't sit there and have your face steamed off. Back up. If it's supposed to boil, it will boil. If it doesn't then get out there and see what else is cooking.
Ms Betty Lou, aka Elizabeth A Hylton, is a Jamaican-American writer, actress, and clinical nurse specialist hailing from Massachusetts. She has a passion for advocating women's rights and fostering a Jamaican community that values strong women. She specialises in child and adolescent mental health and relationship advice. You can find her on Twitter: @MsBettyLou and Facebook: Facebook.com/MsBettyLou100. Send your thoughts to Msbettylou100@gmail.com.