All Woman

Don't marry him until...

BY DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE All Woman writer husseyd@jamaicaobserver.com

Monday, July 02, 2012    

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BECAUSE some women are so anxious to tie the knot, they sometimes do not pay attention to the warning signs that their betrothed aren't the right fit.

Indeed, not because he's willing to marry you while other men are bolting, means you should marry him.

The recent case of an Austrian groom caught having sex with a waitress at his own wedding reception, as reported in the Austrian Times, has many persons asking, 'When do I say yes?' 'When do I say no?'

It was only a few hours after the 27-year-old groom had tied the knot in Feldkirch, Austria, that the father of the bride caught his new son-in-law in the act. He stopped the party and told all the guests to leave.

Although the bride now wants a divorce, the Austrian Times is reporting that she'll have to wait six months to split in accordance with Austrian law.

The fact of the matter though is that there are many men who would have done the same, even up to the point of marriage.

Relationship experts say a woman should take into account a man's values and his ability to remain faithful to just one woman and to work with her so that they can have a bright future.

Unfortunately, not all men are capable of this, leading women to rightly come to the conclusion that not all men are suitable for marriage.

Javier Davidson, relationship advisor, said signs can be seen before that ultimate plunge into the marriage fire.

"There are certain things men do, that if you analyse them correctly, it means that they are concerned about the future of the relationship," Davidson said. "And therefore, they are on their way to taking it to that next step."

So before you take that bold step that lands you in the 'til death do us part' zone, here are some serious questions you should ask yourself.

1. Are his habits ones I can live with for the rest of my life?

His habits could range from gambling, drinking, promiscuity, an obsession with fitness, to getting angry easily. Whatever they are, ask yourself if these habits are things you can live with or if they are things you would love to change about him. If they are things you want to change, then chances are you can't live with him.

2. Do I want to be involved with his family?

Finding out if your in-laws are people with the last say when it comes to important decisions in your marriage, or if their opinions will strongly influence your life, is important at this point.

3. I want children desperately, does he?

It is important that you find out whether or not you are on the same page when it comes to starting a family and that you are both able to, or not, before tying the knot.

4. How much time will he be spending with his friends after we get married?

This may seem like a simple matter, but some relationships have broken up because of lack of attention from one or both parties to the point where infidelity may arise. It is therefore important that less time is spent with others and more time with each other.

5. What are his sexual fantasies?

Again, one partner may go astray because the other refuses to live up to his/her sexual expectations. It is very important that sexual fantasies be shared before marriage to avoid arguments and prevent persons going outside the relationship to seek sexual satisfaction not available at home.

6. What is his current financial status and how does he plan to improve on it?

Finance is one of the leading causes of marital break-ups, according to studies done. Therefore, finances must be discussed beforehand, as well as how couples plan to earn money and support their families.

7. How important is religion in our marriage?

Believe it or not, being unequally yoked spiritually can cause serious rift in marriages. Couples therefore need to decide how they will grow together spiritually or if they will not allow religion to influence their lives together. They should also discuss how they will handle situations down the line if one person decides to get saved or change their religious beliefs.

8. How much are you willing to sacrifice for me?

If he is not willing to give up bad habits and ex girlfriends that make you uncomfortable, then chances are he would not give you a kidney to save your life!

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