For men: Why we're jealous and insecure
BY DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE Sunday Observer staff reporter firstname.lastname@example.org
GUYS, do you ever wonder why your woman is jealous and insecure, always accusing you of cheating and searching your phones and computers? The answer may be right before your eyes, but you just refuse to acknowledge it.
Many relationships suffer from one partner or both displaying signs of jealousy, which more often than not leads to insecurity. This is usually a result of many things, one of which is baggage from a past relationship that has found its way into the present relationship.
This week we asked women about some of the things that have led to them playing, and to consider playing Sherlock Holmes.
Merl G, in a relationship seven years:
I'm not usually a jealous person because I feel everybody should have their own space. My boyfriend has girlfriends and I never felt the need to be jealous. But I notice recently that at night -- 11, 12 o'clock -- he is on the phone talking to someone and I realise it's a woman. This is something that keeps happening and no matter how I tell him I do not think it is appropriate, he ignores me and still does it. So of course I can't help wondering what type of relationship they have and if talking to her means more to him than being with me at night.
Karen S, married four years:
He has a password on his phone and tells me his phone is his private affair. Really and truly that is unacceptable. Why would you have a password on your phone and refuse to tell me the password if you weren't hiding anything? We are one flesh, that's what I was told when we were getting married. So how can it be that you lock me out of your phone but claim I am the most important person in your life? I wouldn't say I am jealous but I am very suspicious and insecure. He must be hiding something or someone. If it was the other way around, I'm sure he would be wondering the same thing too.
Tianna W, in a relationship one year:
I am jealous but it's of his little daughter, not another girl. The way he treats her -- everything is about her! If I ask him to do something it's always if he doesn't have to go over to his daughter's house or do this or that for her. Everything is about her. He has no space for me and that is something I can't really deal with. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying he should not love his daughter, but if I am your woman make me feel just as special and important to you. And of course his daughter's mother is always calling him about her and no matter what we are doing, he drops it to run to their side.
Wadian T, in a relationship two years:
Being friends with his ex. That rubs me the wrong way. That is what makes me jealous. She is your ex, why do you feel the need to run errands for her still, and buy her lunch, take her to the movies and then tell me it's innocent because she is just your friend? Why not do all those things with me? Obviously, you are telling me you still want to be with her, so yes, it's quite natural that I would feel cheated on and jealous.
Leleith G, married four years:
So I'm checking his Facebook page and I notice all the girls he told me that he dated before are on his page. Not only are they on his page, but they are commenting on how hot he looks and he is there flirting with them and encouraging the conversation. Sometimes a long string of conversation is going on between them. The worst part is that his status is 'single' and he tells me it's because he does not want persons to know his business. So you can understand how I feel!
Gillian D, married nine years:
Every weekend he goes out and says he is hanging out with the 'boys'. He doesn't tell me where he is going and I don't know who these boys are that he is supposed to be hanging out with. When I ask him about it there is always an argument because he gets defensive. On top of that he whispers when he is on the phone or goes out of the room if I am there so than he can answer the call. Those things upset me, and make me feel that he is involved with other women. So yes, I am very insecure and jealous, but for good reason.
Collette R, in a relationship four years:
When we are out together and he stares at women or any woman stares at him too hard, that gets me jealous. Or when I see suggestive texts in his phone especially from persons I don't know. And when he gets late night calls that have nothing to do with business. He's not a doctor so he should not be on call 24/7!