KNOWING what really gets your woman psyched for bedroom action should be a no brainer. After all, research has long shown that women make love with their minds. Therefore, it really doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if a woman is content and happy in her relationship, then she will have no reservations about pleasing you.
Racquel McCarthy, counselling psychologist and sex adviser, says how a woman gives herself sexually is directly tied to the type of relationship she has with her partner.
"If she is in a relationship that she is comfortable with, that she can explore in, where she can express herself without the fear of being criticised, then she will feel free in trusting someone with her body," she says.
So generally, women want to have sex when they feel their best, feel connected to their partners, and when they aren't distracted by stressful daily events.
How can you help?
1. Compliment her often. Ensure that she feels good about herself. And guys, don't assume that she knows how great she looks. She wants to be told as that is the only way she will know for sure that you appreciate her. Knowing this will make her want to open herself up to you.
2. After an argument be sure to apologise and reassure her that things will be OK. Just about every couple knows about the joys of make-up sex. Once you've both got whatever has been bothering you off your chests, there's nothing like taking her in your arms, kissing her passionately, and feeling her turn to mush in your arms. All women like to feel they are not alone after an argument and like to know that you understand where they are coming from. Hugging and kissing her will give her this assurance and allow her to reach out to you. Even if you've upset her and she's crying, hold her anyway. Wipe her tears away and make love to her.
3. Find out her activities for the day and volunteer to help out. You would be surprised to know just how much she values this. Not only will she realise you care, but she will be less stressed at the end of the day, her mind will be more at ease, and she will be more willing to make love to you.
4. Even if you live together, take her out. Many couples living together grow into a pattern of complacency, no longer going out and no longer having alone time. But the truth is, women like to be given treats, even if it's once in awhile. Have her dress up and take her to dinner or for a walk through the mall holding hands, or even to the movies, anywhere she likes. This will help to relax her and she will be energised enough to want to make love to you later.
5. Help her out financially. No, you are not paying down on sex, all this means is that if she confides in you about financial issues that have been bothering her and you are in a position to help, offer to do so. In fact, even if she says nothing, offer anyway. This will help to eliminate some of her stress. But do not do this only if you are expecting her to sleep with you to return the favour. That is a big turn-off.
6. Have your own private party. There is nothing like a little dancing and a little drinking to get a woman in the mood. So pour her favourite alcoholic beverage, lead her in a slow dance on the living room floor, and watch as her inhibitions slowly melt away. She won't be able to resist the light butterfly kisses you place on her forehead and neck in the process. Result? Hot, steamy lovemaking.
7. Help out around the house. This is very important to women. If both of you work out and you get home before she does most evenings, sitting around the TV and waiting for her to come home and head straight for the stove does not cut it. This surely doesn't say much for your sensitivity. And so of course night after night you will hear the words 'not tonight, I am tired'. And you know what? She genuinely is! How about showing the interest and the initiative and starting the cooking before she gets home? Not only will she boast to her friends about how helpful and caring you are, but she will get all excited about having a man like you around and will do all in her power to please you.