Is it OK to be a virgin at 40?

All Woman

SO you are a 40-year-old female and you probably think you hold the title of the world's oldest virgin. You are the subject of ridicule by friends and family members and when you share with other people that you have never had sex in your life, they look at you in amazement.

You are tired of the jeering and want to be a part of the crowd; after all, everybody is doing it, even your little sister.

But before you rush out to 'hook up', let's look at the pros and cons of retaining your virginity.


1. Reduced chance of contracting sexually transmitted infections.

2. No chance of becoming pregnant.

3. No chance of an unplanned pregnancy and an unwanted child.

4. Your self-esteem will be boosted knowing that you are pure and untouched.

5. You will feel a sense of pride on your wedding night having preserved yourself exclusively for your husband.

6. You will not have the embarrassment of admitting to your partner that you slept with a dozen men prior to marrying him.

7. You don't have to worry about being pregnant if you miss a period due to hormonal changes.

8. You don't have to worry about purchasing and being on a regimental birth control method.

9. You don't have to worry about the side effects of a birth control method.

10. You will have the moral authority to mentor young ladies and share with them the virtues of sexual wholeness.

11. Even though your peers may ridicule you and even though they may not admit it, they will respect you for your principled stand.

12. You don't have to live with the regret that you gave it up to the wrong guy.

13. If and when you get married and have children, you can proudly share with them this aspect of your life.

14. It is a good feeling to know that no man can 'dis' you making claims that he knows you inside out.

15. For guys who kiss and tell, there will be nothing for them to tell.

16. It is a good feeling to know that you have intact a prized possession that many men would die for.

17. It is a nice feeling to be a 'goody, goody' girl.

18. Many men will have sex with almost all the women they come in contact with but when they are ready to settle down and get married they want a virgin.


1. You feel left out as you have nothing to contribute when a discussion about sex comes up among your friends.

2. The sexual urges can be so strong that you end up being depressed as you don't have the desirable release outlet.

3. Sometimes you are forced to fabricate stories in order to be a part of the group.

4. You have to find alternative sexual release outlets that may not be helpful.

5. Sometimes the biological clock starts ticking quite loudly and you are tempted to deal with the matter as soon as possible.

6. Sometimes just being around a male you are physically attracted to can cause much emotional stirrings that will test your sexual fortitude and lead you to indulge.

7. Sometimes the prolonged waiting period coupled with the frightening stories of friends can make you develop a fear for the sex act itself and so you fail to develop a close male/female relationship with someone.

8. Sometimes the anxiety level is so high that you are led to get involved with the wrong person and later regret it.

9. Because of your inexperience you fear that your wedding night is going to be disastrous.

Having pondered the pros and cons, see which outweighs the other. When you make a decision, either way make sure you are comfortable with the decision and be responsible and mature about it. After all, sex is a 'big people' activity.

Wayne A Powell is a relationship counsellor. You may contact him at or

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