All Woman

Men: It's your fault she fakes it

By NADINE WILSON All Woman writer wilsonn@jamaicaobserver.com

Monday, December 17, 2012    

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HAVING a woman experience the big 'O' is more often than not the highlight of a man's sexual experience with his partner, so much so that having a woman not climax during lovemaking is akin to committing a crime of the highest order.

But at least one medical practitioner believes men spend far too much time trying to get to this point, than they do actually enjoying lovemaking with their spouses. As a result, she said, some women just find it easier to fake the whole thing to stroke their men's egos.

"I am not saying that women don't like to have orgasms, they do, but to them sometimes it feels like the man is taking it on like a job, like a task, like it is not a part of a spontaneous, intense, passionate moment," Dr Sandra Knight, general practitioner and anti-ageing physician, said.

"Men even get frustrated or stop and then once the female orgasm is there, then it's like the job is finished," she shared with All Woman.

The doctor, who is also chair of the National Family Planning Board, said that while up to 80 per cent of women will not have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation, some men spend far more time than they should searching for the g-spot during lovemaking sessions. "Remember that the g-spot is very difficult to find. You don't want to spend two hours looking for the g-spot. She can't find it, much less you," she advised men.

During a recent forum on 'Sexual health and ageing: What older men may still not know about sex', which was organised by the Kiwanis Club of Kingston, the doctor shared several other ways men could please their women in the bedroom.

"We enjoy the interaction of it (lovemaking), and we can have a fantastic time without having an orgasm, because you have done everything and you are up and down from head to toe and you have worked your butt off and we appreciate it," she said.

But some among the large group of mostly middle-aged men in the audience said they were socialised to believe that this was the ultimate aim of lovemaking -- getting a woman to reach her peak.

"Being a man, you feel you have not completed the job until you get her to climax," shared one man from the group.

Climaxing, however, is the easy part for women, noted the doctor, since females can achieve this on their own.

"Eighty per cent of women will have orgasms by themselves than with a partner, and 60 odd per cent will tell you that they prefer to have it by themselves, than with a partner. It is apparently more pleasurable," she shared.

"When they do PET (positron emission tomography) scans of females masturbating, the hormonal stimulation is much more intense than with a partner. I don't know what that means, don't interpret it the wrong way, I am just giving you the facts as I get it," she said.

Dr Knight also pointed to the fact that while there is a biological function for males ejaculating, since sperms are released to fertilise eggs for procreation, scientists are still trying to decipher the function of orgasms for women.

"Scientists are still trying to figure out why it exists, because the male orgasm is to propel men to have sex, because they need to procreate. In women, that is not what the orgasm is there for, but nevertheless, we know that it is still enjoyable," she said.

"It really has no scientific or evolutionary function. The female orgasm is quite complicated. It is not easy to have, and yes, it is faked at times, but that is your fault. That's because you don't feel happy unless you appeared to have caused a woman to have orgasm," she admonished the men. "Orgasms are much more important to you than us, because we can get it without you. That might sound bad, but I am just saying, focus on something else (although) I know you hate the foreplay thing."

The doctor had raised the topic during the forum, as a result of increasing complaints from several women who said they were getting the cold shoulder from their men as soon as they reach climax.

"It's like the man just turns off, it's like he shuts down because his job is done, mission is accomplished," she said.

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