All Woman

Stalking him into submission

When break-ups bring out the crazy in you

BY DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE All Woman writer husseyd@jamaicaobserver.com

Monday, July 16, 2012    

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IT is said that love has a mind of its own and that it makes fools of us all and in more cases than not, when it ends, causes us to act a bit nutty.

No doubt those who have ever been in love will have a story or two to tell of occasions where they did something in the name of love that they were later ashamed of, or that they were so spurned by love that they retaliated in a desperate and foolhardy fashion.

While some break-ups leave room for future renewal, there are others where, though a future is obviously hopeless, one partner insists on one, and does something so utterly embarrassing or desperate that it destroys every flame that ever existed.

"For the most part, break-ups suck in some way or another," Elizabeth A Hylton, a Jamaican-American writer, actress, and clinical nurse who specialises in child and adolescent mental health and relationship advice, said. "They just really suck. But they don't have to be a massive tornado, hailstorm, earthquake, tsunami, the end of the world. Be aware of how you're feeling, so you can work on healing," she advised.

It is therefore advised that no matter how much we are hurt by love, we should never do things that would ruin any future contact with our exes, or give them cause to label us 'crazy' in discussions with their friends and new mates.

In other words, think before you act!

Here are some desperate things women have done, as shared by men, that made it impossible to reconcile after a break-up.

*Taking his clothes and dumping them at his work place. This was the scene at a business place in Kingston a few weeks ago when a girlfriend packed her partner's clothes in scandal bags and dumped them at his workplace. This could easily be one of the most embarrassing things that could happen in a relationship. No man in his right mind would think of taking back a woman who has gone to this extreme to cause him embarrassment in front of his colleagues.

*Posting pictures of him in compromising positions or questioning his sexuality on Facebook. This happens a lot, as social media has become one of the easiest and quickest ways to transmit information to friends and family. The only drawback is the inability to retract the post after it has gone viral, which will leave the partner so embarrassed that he may never be able to live it down. It also serves to reveal how bitter and cold you are, and tells him that if given a chance, the next time around could be even more devastating.

* Confronting his wife and telling her about the affair. The fact that you knew he was married before you started dating him, and that you both agreed on a secret affair, meant the last thing he expected was you going to his wife. Once this happens, then be sure you have destroyed his trust in you and you can kiss getting back together good-bye.

*Taking his child and leaving him/her at his office. It has been done over and again, where upon the break-up of a relationship, the mother may decide to 'spite' the man by taking the innocent child to his office and leaving the child there. Men resent this breach of their privacy, and it also tells them that there is a part of you that is really cold.

*Throwing out his clothes on the street. "I had a terrible marriage," Marvin Green said. "My wife would always be doing things to hurt me, but the last straw was when she packed my clothes and threw them out on the roadside. I was so embarrassed. That ended our relationship. I never even thought of taking her back."

*Telling him you're having his baby, and it's a lovely way of showing how much you love him. "It's not," Paul W said. "And no man is falling for the have-baby-must-marry trick again." Indeed, all you're doing is bringing a child into an unhealthy relationship, and if you're lying about the pregnancy to get his attention, you're only proving that you're a crazy witch.

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