Stop! in the name of love...



Monday, June 09, 2014

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MANY times we do things we swear we'd never do, all in the name of love. Some things are understandable, like switching your 'perfect' guy ideal from the handsome prince to a quirky, intelligent frog who's just as chivalrous; others, like accepting cheating, are downright stupid.

But while love makes people act crazy, there are things that you should never settle for no matter how emotionally attached you may be to the object of your desire.

These include:

1. Accepting the other woman

"Everyone makes mistakes and has a right to be given a second chance," said Charmaine T. "But if a woman is being told by the man in her life that the only way he will stay with her is if she accepts his lifestyle of promiscuity and accepts that he is not a 'one burner', she should cut her losses and move on to someone else who respects her and what she stands for. No man is worth that much pain."

2. Videotaping, especially when you're the only one on film

"Have you ever noticed how convenient it is that in most sex videos that have gone viral it is the woman who is the star?" Nadine R said. "You ever realise that you never see the man? So women should draw the line and not allow themselves to be videotaped during lovemaking, no matter how they claim to love the man. Because all that will happen is that he will conveniently 'lose' his phone only to have the video pop up all over the internet."

3. Having sex without a condom

The National Family Planning Board has reported an increase in multiple-partner relationships in the last four years, a factor which continues to drive the spread of the HIV epidemic. In fact, a recent study by the board showed that the men surveyed reported an average of six partners, while women reported an average of 2.8 partners in 2013. Because of the prevalence of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections, it is advised that no matter how much in love you think you are, never have sex without a condom as there is no guarantee that he/she is being faithful to you, especially since the studies have shown that of the persons surveyed, almost half reported being in multiple partnerships and more than 40 per cent of them were married.

"So it suggests that married people are having multiple-partnership relationships and this is one of the major drivers of the epidemic in Jamaica," said the board's behaviour change communication co-ordinator Audi Brevett.

4. Having his "yute"

There are men who will bluntly tell women that they require a "yute", despite not being in long-term committed relationships. According to male development specialist Marlon Moore, having a child is often seen as a signal of manhood, and so men who have no children by a certain age are often ridiculed by their friends.

"... the idea of having children is very integral to manhood, and that is separate and distinct from being a father within the context of roles and responsibilities," Moore said. However, no matter how much you love him as a man, think about the long-term consequences of your actions on the child.

5. Consenting to a threesome

Psychologist Dr Leahcim Semaj said the desire to engage in threesomes is usually due to the desire of one or more partners to experiment and try new things. But according to the psychologist, the only benefit of such an act is sexual gratification, and the relationship between a couple does not necessarily survive such an experiment.

"For a lot of men, it is the most common fantasy and then there are some women who are willing to try the fantasy because the man suggests it," he said. "A person's sexuality is a private matter, but having now engaged in something that is shared with a third party, it can lead to a lot of regrets, because now somebody else knows your business outside of the immediate person that you are intimate with, adding more pressure to the relationship."

Family counsellor Angela Worges from Family Life Ministries believes that afterwards distrust and jealousy develop, especially when a wife is paying more attention to the other man or the husband is paying more attention to the other woman.

6. Having sex before marriage

Many women still do not believe in sexual intercourse before marriage but because they meet and fall in love, they decide to bend to please their mates. But Dr Semaj said not having sex could be one of the best decisions ever.

"In the short term, there are a lot of positives to gain," he said. "Nobody can call their name, they are not in any mix-up and they don't get into all the emotional drama associated with the whole casual relationship scene. And clearly, they will be getting no sexually transmitted diseases."

He believes giving in to sexual intercourse before marriage against her beliefs will only make a woman live to regret it, especially since this is something she cannot undo.

7. Getting a tattoo with his/her name

No one knows what the future may bring, and while you may be madly in love today, tomorrow the stars may change and you love someone new. How then do you deal with something as permanent as a tattoo of his/her name? Mr Right may just pass you by because he does not believe in being with another man's property.

8. Subjecting yourself to abuse

Abuse and love do not go together, despite what your abuser may say after he hits you. Don't let your love for a partner force you to accept physical, verbal or emotional abuse because you can't fathom loving someone else. A sincere lover does not inflict physical or emotional pain.




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