All Woman

The men speak: Lies I told my ex

BY DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE All Woman writer husseyd@jamaicaobserver.com

Monday, October 01, 2012    

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MANY women believe men should come pre-programmed with Pinocchio noses, as being male and being untruthful, they say, more often than not go hand in hand. The guys below proved these theories true, and for many, it didn't take much memory-jogging to come up with the most egregious deceptions they have ever dished out to their former partners, lies they claim they're now truly sorry about.

A couple weeks backs we shared the women's versions of fibs most foul; this week we asked guys to share the lies they told their exes.

Kemar, 45: I told her I had stopped drinking and used lime to hide the scent of liquor.

"My girlfriend would get mad every time I drank and warned me that if I didn't stop drinking she would leave me," Kemar said. "But I would always walk with a green lime. So every time I drank I would suck the lime and rub my hands and face with it to kill the scent. Then I would tell her I haven't touched liquor in months."

Stanley, 29: I used alcohol to hide the scent of sex.

Stanley said after he had sex with his sweetheart, he would make sure to buy a bottle of beer which he would use to wet his shirt and face to hide the scent of sex before going home.

"So now my woman at home was always cussing me about drinking, because sometimes I would even walk and rock like I was half drunk, but I really just wanted to draw her attention away from the real crime," Stanley laughed.

Dwayne, 32: I told her I would stay with her and the baby

"When my ex girlfriend accidentally got pregnant, even though I wasn't prepared, I told her I would man up to my responsibilities and would never desert her or my baby. But I wasn't prepared for fatherhood and it was hell for me trying to figure out how I was going to be a father and a provider when I couldn't even take care of myself. So one day I told her I was leaving. She had to go the last few months of the pregnancy and delivery alone. I found another girl and ignored her calls. I did come to my senses when my daughter was two months old and I am now a good father. But of course she cannot forgive me, though I do truly regret lying to her that I would stick with her and the baby."

Courtney, 40: I worked 'overtime' and went on 'overseas weekend assignments'.

Courtney said he spent more time working night shifts than anything else, despite actually having a solid nine to five job.

"Sometimes I would be in MoBay at a hotel with a little catty and my woman would think that I was at work," Courtney said. "Sometimes I told her my work was taking me overseas for the weekend when in reality I had a woman overseas who would pay my fare to come up to spend time with her." Courtney said his ex girlfriend never questioned how his salary remained the same each month despite the 'overtime' he allegedly clocked in.

Patrick, 43: I moved my 'cousin' in with us.

"I was living with my girlfriend. I took another girl to the house and told her the girl was my cousin and that she would be staying there until she found somewhere of her own," Patrick said. "Of course my woman believed me because she never expected me to be so barefaced."

Patrick said his 'cousin' stayed with them for almost a year without his girlfriend finding out that they were in fact lovers.

"To this day my girlfriend doesn't know how many nights me and my 'cousin' wrap up in bed while she was out," he said, explaining that the 'cousin' was only too willing to play along.

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