All Woman

The most embarrassing love advice I've got from dad


Monday, December 02, 2013    

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GROWING up, we saw our fathers as our heroes -- for many of us, our superheroes. And so their words were gospel, that is, until we got older and realised they were just corny old men who probably made the same mistakes we are making. Below some of our readers share what their old men thought were words of wisdom when teaching them about the birds and bees.


My dad used to tell me that women are wicked and that I'm too young to understand what they're capable of. That's when he used to think my mom was cheating on him after he cheated and got another woman pregnant. Well, it would embarrass me a lot when I was younger, because they used to accuse each other of cheating in public while I was there.


My dad is a pastor and one day at church while preaching he said this, and I know it was a direct hit at me, "When you get married, you mustn't lose the spice in your marriage. So your wife must wear her short shorts when she's cooking, and you must go and pinch her on her bottom." I sat straight-faced and thanked God my girlfriend wasn't there because I can only imagine how she would cringe.


My dad is such a comic at times. He saw my then fiancé at the time and said to me, in front of the guy, "Leciee (my nickname) I approve, just make sure he can please you. You know, if he can't last long, don't stay with him for long." At that point I wish the ground would open up and take me in.


My father usually tells me not to stick to one girl. I was in a relationship for three years and he looked at me one day in my girlfriend's presence and said, "So you have other women on the side? You really can't just be satisfied with one. You need to try all shapes and sizes before you settle down." It was embarrassing and frankly speaking rude of him. It took my then girlfriend about six months to forgive him, but from he said it she said she couldn't trust me again and left. Thanks, dad, for making me lose a totally incredible young lady.


Do whatever a girl wants you to do; you can wash it off in the shower after you're finished.


He is a soldier and he was really strict with me in my teenage years. However, one day I decided to play brave and introduced him to my boyfriend whom I'd been dating for nearly three years at the time, I was 20 years old then. Surprisingly, my dad remained very calm but gave my boyfriend a deadly stare. My father didn't even blink and I could see my boyfriend was becoming extremely uncomfortable and maybe even scared. So my father got up and went into his room and came back with around six packets of condoms, handed them to me and said, "Whichever head he decides to use, make sure he's using it properly, especially the small head." I sat down shell-shocked and just remained silent until my boyfriend said he was ready to leave.





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