The one truth he can’t handle: you cheated

BY NADINE WILSON All Woman writer

Monday, August 16, 2010

IT’s quite common to hear of a woman taking back her cheating husband after his infidelity, no matter how much she hurts. But for most men the woman will be gone the first time she makes a similar strike.

In fact, some men will tell you that it is best that they never find out, because once they do, feelings of inadequacy start settling in.

“I guess it’s more of an ego thing more than anything else for men,” explained 45-year-old Carl L. “No man wants to hear that his woman or his wife went out and cheated on them. It’s just the nature of the man and how he is made up.”

He said that while he has no knowledge of ever being cheated on, it could be a possibility.

“I wouldn’t want to know. What you don’t know won’t hurt you,” he said.

Thirty-seven-year-old accountant Carlos R made no bones about the fact that a cheating girlfriend is something he simply couldn’t handle.

“I wouldn’t be able to understand why she would go out and cheat and I am here and I could give her what she wants,” he said.

He said it’s hard for a man to look at his wife the same after she cheats.

“I would start thinking about them having intercourse and him touching her and that alone would get me mad,” he admitted, adding that he would end the relationship the first time it happened.

He too agreed that it is an ego thing for men.

“The man believes that once he calls you wife, he gives you everything and you are not supposed to be in need of anything,” he said.

Clifton Campbell believes that it is not so much the cheating that affects the man, but the inability to deal with the embarrassment that follows when his friends find out his wife has cheated.

He is still smarting from the embarrassment he endured when others found out that his wife of five years was cheating on him.

“I felt embarrassed over the whole situation, knowing that people told me and I didn’t believe, and people used to laugh after me and scorn me and grin their teeth,” he said.

While he refused to go into details about how he finally found out his wife was cheating, the father of two shared one occasion when he walked in and found his wife in the arms of another man.

“I saw the man kiss her, but she said is the man hold her and kiss her by force. I didn’t prolong the argument because I just couldn’t bother.”

When his wife became pregnant for another man, he knew it was time to end the relationship.

“I love her, and I won’t stop loving her, but I won’t go back because of what she did,” explained Campbell who is now in his sixth year of separation from his wife.

But while Campbell has been very understanding, not all men are willing to forgive their cheating spouse. Counselling psychologist Beneta Morris said that a man’s ego is one of the primary reasons for this.

“A man wants to know that he is in charge,” she said. “For him, it is a slap in the face and it creates damage to his ego.”

“For him, the whole issue of ‘can you imagine what my friends would say’, ‘can you imagine that I am going to be the laughing stock of my friends’ arise,” she said.

Morris said that even some women believe that it is okay for a man to cheat while society usually refuses to accept a woman who cheats.

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The one truth he can’t handle: you cheated