The right values

BY SOPHIA CAMPBELL

Monday, January 16, 2012

I attended my son's small home school graduation last June and as I reviewed the programme, I noticed his name under the awards section. Quite excited, as any parent would be, my eyes quickly dashed across the page to see the type of award. It was the award for 'Most Compassionate Student'. "Great," was my first thought: "But isn't he the 'Brightest Student', was my second... and "At least the brightest boy!" my third.

The graduation was filled with laughter as the kids sang, danced and received their respective awards. My husband and I were very proud parents, and our son, Nathan, was obviously proud of himself as he grinned from ear to ear when he received his certificate.

Later that evening, while driving home, my excitement slowly dissipated, as my mind could not come to terms that my son was not awarded for being a bright student. I consulted my husband.

"I thought Nathan's teacher said he was a bright student?"

"Yes he is," was his reply.

"So why was he not given an award for being bright?" was my puzzled remark.

"We already know he is bright and he does not need an award to prove that this is so," he replied.

I pondered for a moment, but I was still not fully convinced.

During my devotions later that night a still small voice asked, "On what are you placing your values?"

We all have that inner voice, but this time I knew for sure I was not talking to myself. I knew this was from God. I thought deeply about the question and soon realised I was placing my values on the wrong thing with regards to my son's award.

My husband and I have always prayed for our children to be loving and caring people and there it was right in front of us.

I started to reflect on the scripture in 1 Samuel 16:7: "Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart".

This is how God wants us to look at our children -- from the inside out. This was a defining moment for me as a parent. There I was, while happy that my son received an award, failing to appreciate its value. I was looking at the outward part (performance) not inward (character). I was humbled by this realisation and regretful of my thoughts.

I realised that, in this instance, I was practising "performance based parenting". It is a pretty easy thing to do, especially in a society that pushes our children so hard to perform academically all the time. Don't get me wrong, academic achievements are good, but they can easily become the focal point of how we view and value our children.

Do we really appreciate them for who they are and nothing else? This experience has renewed my mind and given me a more balanced approach to parenting. We now have "What I like about you" time at home, where we share our favourite thing (s) about each other. Believe me, it makes a world of difference.

I encourage every parent to look beyond the "outward appearance" and take time out to tell your child/children what you love, like and admire about them, void of the academic stuff. Because truth be told, we are not defined by what with do, but who we are.

When I look at Nathan I see one cool dude — he's quirky, has a wild sense of humour, loves serving people, loves to talk, loves to lead, hates to listen because, of course, he knows everything.

I am thankful for the experience, and for my son, who through his actions, brought to focus that it is the character of a man that matters most.

Do you feel buying into Facebook now is a good investment for the long-run?
	Yes
	No

View Results
Results published weekly in Sunday Finance

Username:
Password:

Teen killed for laughing at man who fell from bicycle

The right values