This is why you're still single

Jacqueline Champier

Monday, February 06, 2012

SO your age isn't off the calendar, there is no tree growing in your face, you are no gold digger, you are a decent woman and you do believe in holy matrimony. But all your friends have tied the knot and you are still sleeping by yourself; still waiting to exhale; still waiting for someone to pop that all-important question.

Chances are, if this is you, something is wrong.

I know some people are of the opinion that not everyone was born to be 'tied', but to be honest with you, I really do not support that saying. I strongly believe that if you know what you want and if you learn the ropes of how to get whatever it is, you will achieve it. Once a woman knows what she is about, nothing can stall her progress and no one can stand in her way: her success will be certain.

Therefore, if you have determined that this is your year, or if you are tired of being lonely or of sleeping all alone, peruse the list below and make the necessary adjustments.

1. Stop acting too desperate: One big turn off for a man is a woman who is so desperate that everything about her screams desperation. You cannot tell every man you meet that you are looking for a husband. This might sound way out to you, especially if you don't practice this type of thing, but there are some women who are still using this approach. Try to use some reverse psychology, that is, as much as you want someone, behave as though you are not looking for a man. Remember ladies, a man likes a challenge.

2. Project humility. If you behave as though you have arrived or like you are in a class all by yourself, it will be harder to attract Mr Right and you may really end up all by yourself. If you are serious about ending your lonely days, start by exuding humility. Note that you cannot exude what you do not have, so if you're really not humble, you just have to learn how to humble yourself.

3. Have the right self-concept. Sometimes a woman will have the wrong concept of herself and she might wonder why she has not yet attracted a worthy bachelor, only to find out that others see her totally opposite to how she sees herself. In order to get a true picture of how you are perceived, ask your good friends to tell you exactly how you come across to them. You might be surprised by what they say, but if they tell you anything negative, adjust these with positive actions. It could be that you are really a lovely person and a confident woman too but because of something that you are not doing, your loveliness does not shine through. Work on it.

4. Stop falling for losers. Some women are single and it is only because of one reason: they continue to fall for losers. Regardless of your loneliness, you must spend the time to study a potential mate before you open yourself to him. Sometimes out of desperation women will 'catch at a straw', but if you are guilty of doing this, stop it. You cannot afford to be dating one loser after another. Stop hurting yourself, set your standards by making note of the type of man that you would like. You do not have to be too picky but you should not rush into the relationship either. Learn how to go slow, remember that time is the master of everything. If he is a loser it will be bound to show sooner than later. One other thing; never let it be that by the time you realise that he is good for nothing you have gone too far. When this happens, you can become vulnerable and this can begin a cycle of attracting losers on the rebound. Lastly, do not forget your innermost feelings; your sense of intuition, it's a tool that God has given to every woman. Use it.

5. Wait your turn. Have you ever considered that maybe it is not your time yet? Think about it. They say good things come to those who wait and I can agree with the saying. Listen, it is better to wait than to be sorry, for there is no crime in waiting.

Jacqueline Champier is a counselling psychologist from Mandeville.

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COMMENTS (21)

diehardr sickheads
2/13/2012

Antonett W you are not being fair to me i Knew you were a reasonable person base on your posts but i am just stating the facts about the women of today. i am married for 12 years my self i do not stereo type all women but the reality of todays women is mind bogling a case of want to eat their cake and have it .i am surprise you did not coment on my resume list

Antonette W.
2/13/2012

Well said, Ms Coral.

Ms. Coral
2/12/2012

Gary Smith needs help, and I have told him before that the therapy that he so desperately needs cannot be had on this forum. Men and women are flawed beings. We have to pray and do our homework to make sure that we have the partner that is right for us. Sometimes a man leaves a woman because of her 'faults' and she moves on to become the lifelong and best partner of another man, and vice versa. Why? Every hoe have dem stick a bush mi dear.

Ms. Coral
2/12/2012

Antonette W, mi dear, why bother? If these men prefer to be single then they have made one of the best decisions for the female gender. We wouldn't want unsuspecting women to have them as mates, would we? The way they have it figured, all men are paragons of virtue and it is only us, women, who are exposed and influenced by a materialistic 'culture'. Never mind that we have several prominent male DJs in jail (or out on bond) to disprove their claims of male innocence, chivalry, and thrift.

Antonette W.
2/12/2012

@ diehardr sickheads & Gary, you are two extremely negative, bitter men. As a young woman, I experienced sexual, physical & verbal abuse, almost killed by vile, jealous men, yet I've never taken that to mean all men are bad. Perhaps that's why I was able to marry a good man, been together for over 24 yrs now. I have sons, but if I had a daughter, I'd never teach her that all men are bad. If you feel good wearing a cloak of misery, then go ahead, but I'm sure it will eventually eat you up inside.

diehardr sickheads
2/12/2012

modern women tend to want to be king and queen at the same time, want a domesticated man who have nuff mony who should treat them like a prize,these women put their children, job and their and female friends first.Many have taken on the white culture in terms of materialism over love.sex is seen as a trade endorse by feminism.
In the black culture this leads to among other things many female educators going the extra mile with the females and neglecting the males .Promoting man means only mony

Gary Smith
2/12/2012

Its best to remain single as a male these days, there is no benefit to be had by having a family when in the long run the woman can take you for all you have and end up making your life a living nightmare while taking your kids from you and have you finance her for the rest of her life. To all men especially the young ones, get any spouse to sign a cohabitation agreement and also sign for joint custody agreement from early if kids are involved, dont get suckered in, women only value materials.

Antonette W.
2/10/2012

@ Patriot: I don't know if you realize how many women own houses, cars, money, etc. Often, a woman may want to know that the man is on equal footing, has his own assets so that he doesn't have to rely on her for financial support & her independence does not become an issue. It's a pity that you are speaking like an old hermit. We can't give up on partnering because of $. Money can do good but it can't give you love or keep you warm in a cold bed. There's more to life than just money.

The Patriot
2/10/2012

Modern day women do no love simple and humble men they are attracted to what the west has set as the standard for partnership, big house, car, money, the works. I cant understand why some people are trying hard to have us believe that they do not go for those things. The best thing men can do right now is remain single, get their assets in order and set themselves up legally from scheming people who want to take all their hard earnings. Women have become so picky its best they remain single.

diehardr sickheads
2/9/2012

women look for four things
1) Godly,
2) educated or rational
3)ambitious and healthy
4) Adore kids respect women
keeping it simple

Ms. Coral
2/9/2012

Antonette W, I could not have stated it any better. We see them all the time - a man who woos women by spending lavishly, he drives up & down all day solely to be seen & admired since he has no fixed destination in mind. Could such a man reasonably expect any woman he attracts to be "domestic?" Yes, Diehardr, does have a point but opposites do not always attract. Sometimes shallow people attract other shallow people; birds of a feather and all that..

Antonette W.
2/9/2012

@ diehardr sickheads, some of what you say might be true, but don't forget that a lot of men use $ to "catch" women. Many are quick to boast about their cars, houses, big bank accounts, etc. even before they make a proper introduction to the woman. They put money out front to seduce. If $ is what a man uses to impress a woman, then he shouldn't be hurt or shocked to discover that said money is the only thing she finds appealing about him. Again, humility goes a long way with both men and women.

diehardr sickheads
2/9/2012

The overpricing strategy is the problem . you might ask 25 million for a bmw but the market is saying 15 million unless you want the car fe rotten down you hav to work with the market.The problem today is modern women define relationship in terms of cash for sex even when they have they earn own money., abandon cooking washing ,ironing for their man.is pure long nails a run the place.its all about feminism and women power,cant too blame them many men r fools brains still stuck in the 1500s

maroon C.
2/9/2012

@yard vibes u said it all

Jack Johanssen
2/8/2012

I know my comment won't be published, but who writes these nonsensical pieces?

Anthony II
2/8/2012

Here we go again beating single people (not only women) over the head with the "yu-haffi-fine-summadi" belt! We do not all have to "partner up." We can make conscious decisions to be single, and that is a good thing for many people. I have many single female friends who live very productive, professional lives without the appendage of a man or child! They made that choice, and their lives are fulfilling for them. Why do we think people all want to get hitched, or should?

Kedisha Thompson
2/7/2012

Too often we women put ourselves out there all in the name of finding Mr.Wright, however in most cases we never seem to see that he has been in there with us all the time. he might not be in the package we expected but if we only take a good look he will be all that we want and more. To all singles "Guard Your Hearts"

Ms. Coral
2/6/2012

"Project humility." Great advice. But there is a very fine line between being humble and being a door-mat. Truthfully, I know women who think they are all that and a bag of chips, when they are not. But, I also know men who believe that women should feel lucky to have them because they are such a "scarce" commodity. Yet some of these men carry more baggage than a freight train. My point? Be moderate & reasonable. Know when to show your value and know when to take it easy.

Antonette W.
2/6/2012

@Yard Vibz: I had intended to hold my tongue. I think there's a partner for everyone, despite physical or character flaws. Having said that, I believe we should all try to be the best we can be, knowing that beauty and charm do not guarantee a suitable mate. My advice is that people live their lives, travel, nurture family & friendships, cultivate good working relationships, stay positive and let your zest for living show. The right one will come in time.

Yard Vibz
2/6/2012

Jacqueline, I've zeroed in on point # 2 because arrogance seems to have hijacked the inhabitants of the world... And the funny thing about it all, most women whose activities demonstrate condescending traits (despite the presence of weaves & makeup) are unable to garner an authentic endorsement from their mirror... Damn, some of them have constructed their own highway in the skies, inflated their stock price & ultimately priced themselves out of the market... What say you, Antonette W? One love!

Cee Dubya
2/6/2012

Funny (not haha funny, but, funny peculiar) that your #5 abrogates #s 1-4 in one fell swoop. All else may be in place but "it is better to wait than to be sorry." So, really, THIS is why you're still single, you lovely, ready, single woman who's got it all together: It's not yet your time.
.
Saw a tweet by Rick Warren the other day. He was quoting Billy Graham's wife: "If God had always answered my prayers how I wanted, I'd have married the wrong man - several times!"

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This is why you're still single