All Woman

What never to do when your relationship ends

LOVE & SEX

Monday, June 02, 2014    

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BEING in a relationship is a great experience. You feel happy, you are ecstatic, you glow, and you feel valuable and cherished. You and your partner look beyond the struggles of life, believe your love is eternal, and that you are free from problems. But as life progresses, the magical feelings of love ebb and reality takes over. You start to lose respect and fail to understand each other and the relationship ends.

It is often said that love is blind and it makes us into fools at times. You may have figuratively given your heart and soul to a man or woman who didn’t appreciate you and in your attempts not to lose the love you once had you do some stupid stuff. Indeed, some stupidity is expected when you lose your love, but below are some silly things you should never do when your marriage or long-term relationship ends.

1. Beg

Don’t do it, ever. This is one of the greatest signs of weakness and vulnerability. You will hate yourself for it in the end.  He or she may or may not return but begging won’t change why they left in the first place.

2. Call/visit/e-mail/text

Your former mate and their new partner will sit and laugh at your desperation. Calling, e-mailing and texting are signs that you are thinking of someone and possibly miss them. Though it may be true, you don’t have to live out your feelings, especially when the other individual thinks nothing of you. Visiting is an indication that you haven’t got over the individual. It also scores 100 points on the desperation scale.

3. Rebound

Getting over an ex doesn’t require getting under another person. Give yourself time to heal, reflect and rid yourself of the hurt or pain you may feel.  Broken hearts are real. Yours is broken, fix it through venting, counselling or talking to a trusted friend. Don’t go breaking other’s hearts in a bid to relieve yourself.

4. Settle for less

Setting standards are important and so is moving on. However, ensure that you don’t accept someone because you want to make your ex see that you have moved on. Ensure that who you have moved on with is not less than you deserve but treats you with respect and understands your needs.

5. Wallow in sadness

For heaven’s sake, cheer up! Think of it as good riddance. If the individual wanted to stay they would have. Yes, it’s OK to cry and express your feelings in order to heal but don’t let it get the best of you. Try activities that will force you to focus your attention elsewhere.

6. Keep remnants

If the relationship was long-term, chances are you have a wealth of memories in the form of pictures, gifts, clothes, jewellery and the list goes on. But it’s now time to pack them up and put them far away from sight. Out of sight, out of mind. It will help with the healing process. Seeing him or her on your wall — whether the real one or the one on Facebook — will stir up grief, anger and resentment and that’s not healthy. Purge yourself of the person.

7. Be a loner

 Go out, embrace your social side. You are now single, free and have fewer responsibilities. Enjoy it while it lasts. Learn a new craft, try a new sport, hang with a few friends, go clubbing, go to church, and enjoy yourself. If you’re seeking revenge, that’s the best way. Let them see you being happy alone.

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