All Woman

When men cry

Donna Hussey-Whyte

Monday, October 15, 2012    

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MR Vegas isn't the only man who has cried himself a river of misery upon learning news of his woman's infidelity, indeed this reaction is more common than we realise, and occurs when there's a shift in the ideal of dominance within a relationship, one expert says.

Male Development Specialist Marlon Moore says this shift can cause a man to go crazy when he finds out that the roles have been reversed in a relationship and he's not the only one with someone on the side.

"I think they (men) latch on to the whole ideal of dominance within a relationship and that's where the problem lies," Moore said.

He explained that men see themselves as the ones who run the home, who provide for the home, who give their women money and, said Counsellor David Anderson, who provide the only source of carnal pleasures.

Anderson said for many men, the idea of multiple partners is a normal part of their realities. And the women should be satisfied with this arrangement. But when the roles are reversed, it shatters the ideal of what he believes being a man is and he is left not knowing what to do.

And even as a number of Jamaican men decry Vegas' public mourning, berating him for "bawling over woman", Anderson said many would react the same way if caught in a similar position, where the housewife turns into a hussy.

"It doesn't have to be going on Facebook to vent, look at the many incidences of murder-suicide; the other incidents where the men kill themselves and their kids to 'punish' the cheating women; it's the same kind of reaction — the same devastating feeling that men can't cope with," he said. "Indeed, in Jamaican vernacular, man can't tek bun. So whether he cries in public or in private, vents on Twitter or to his buddies, that's a typical reaction."

He said he would even go as far as to suggest that Vegas handled his heartbreak in a way that will cause him less emotional upheaval in the future.

"He would have gone through the stages of grief and would get the appropriate support from his fans. He is certainly not sitting in a room being suicidal as many men are, because they are afraid to tell anyone out of shame," he said.

Many women have shown sympathy for the entertainer's plight, stating that his mourning shows that he is man enough to show his true feelings.

Others said his public heartbreak shows the depth of his love for his ex.

"That's how I want to be loved — to the point where he lets everybody knows how devastating losing me is," accountant Tresha Francis said. "Vegas has shown that he has a soft, romantic side. And every woman dreams of being loved like that."

Moore said like Vegas, men who experience heartbreak have to find a way to come to terms with the situation and they must talk about it.

"It is no different from losing a loved one. If you don't talk about it, you are going to have issues," he advised. "The process is going to take time, yes, but the process has to be made with some kind of talking. You have to talk about your feelings."

He added: "Not talking plays a role in so many men losing their minds and killing their women and killing the woman's man, etcetera. When a man has a problem, he doesn't talk, he shuts down. Men don't talk about it in a setting where they can get it out, but women do. They will go to their girlfriends and talk about it and they make better decisions. Men don't know how to deal with it because the masculine identity becomes fractured," he said.

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