All Woman

Why we love no good men

Ms Betty Lou

Monday, July 09, 2012    

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DO you have that girlfriend who's with that guy she's clearly too good for? The guy who does her wrong time after time and she always takes him back, and it makes you feel like slapping her into reality?

Are you that girlfriend?

We've all either been that girl, or been friends with that girl. So methinks there has to be some reason other than secret government implanted magnets keeping us going back to them. Why do we stay with no good men when we know they are no good?

How many of you would like to get your virginity back after you split with the now loser who was once the man of your dreams? A gal gets emotionally attached to her first. 'Dude, I gave you the most precious gift and now you're saying it's not working?' So women try to MAKE the relationship work. We take crap that we probably wouldn't normally take. Until finally we throw up our hands and accept the fact that the dream of marrying our "first love" will not happen.

I advocate waiting until marriage. Nonetheless, "know yourself before you let anyone else know you," is also excellent advice.

'I'm not happy, but we've been together so long. I don't want to start from scratch! What if I end up alone?' It's the ultimate fear of being propelled back into the world of being single and dating. Some women get so used to having a man around that the idea of being alone may seem terrifying, and the chances of meeting someone else they connect with seem grim. So take the risk? Or stick it out?

In my opinion, happiness should never be compromised. You can compromise a dozen things in a relationship for it to work, but happiness and experiencing real love are two things incapable of compromise. My favourite line from the movie PS, I Love You is "even if you are alone, you are not alone in that".

How difficult it is to come to terms with the fact that the blood, sweat and tears you put into the relationship meant nothing. You were supposed to get married, have children, grow old together, and then everything crumbles in an instant. So you get down on your knees and try to hold on to all the pieces, but it's hopeless because the wind is already blowing them away. Letting go is a difficult task so too often we try to resurrect something that is no more. Let it go.

'He won't stop cheating, but I know he loves me!' How could someone who does those sorts of things have any idea what love is? In any event, love is not the only thing that should keep you with someone. Some women are too afraid to let go of their love for someone or use this love to justify the abuse they take from men. We can love the wickedest people in our lives, our enemies, it doesn't mean we have to be around them or be hurt or abused by them for love's sake.

Low self-esteem may also play a role in why some women stay. We love so intensely that we sometimes forget about a very important type of love, self love. We put ourselves second in a detrimental way. Some women stay because they honestly don't believe they can get or deserve anything better. You really must love yourself fiercely, and be sure of God's unconditional love for you, before you can love anyone else.

Ms Betty Lou, aka Elizabeth A Hylton, is a Jamaican-American writer, actress, and clinical nurse specialist hailing from Massachusetts. She has a passion for advocating women's rights and fostering a Jamaican community that values strong women. She specialises in child and adolescent mental health and relationship advice. You can find her on Twitter: @MsBettyLou and Facebook: Facebook.com/MsBettyLou100. Send your thoughts to Msbettylou100@gmail.com.

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