MUCH like technology, the dating landscape is always changing, but perhaps one thing some experts believe should remain constant is females allowing men to enjoy the chase.
It seems more and more women are challenging the conventional dating rules of waiting for the man to make an approach, and are instead now the ones making the first move. It’s a habit some men say they do not appreciate, especially when they are already struggling to maintain their dominance in other spheres of life, which have been taken over by women.
Twenty-seven-year-old Marlon Jones is among those who is not sure he likes the practice, especially after he was forced to stand helplessly by recently when a female friend literally cried and begged him to leave his girlfriend to be with her.
“She called me over to take a look at her computer, and before long she was telling me how much she loved me. When I reminded her that I was already involved, she said she didn’t care, I could have her on the side as well,” he recounted.
“I didn’t know women were becoming so desperate,” said the young man who says he has since gone out of his way to avoid his friend.
Said 26-year-old Damian: “At the dance now, it’s the women who are offering to buy you drinks and strike up a conversation.”
The third year university student said most of those women who approach him are usually well off and older.
Some, he said, are very subtle in their approach, while others are more aggressive and don’t leave you guessing what they are about.
“It is good for a change that women are taking the initiative, but at the same time, it sometimes sets off red flags because you start to wonder why they are approaching you,” he said.
The issue was raised by anti-ageing physician and chairperson of the National Family Planning Board Dr Sandra Knight at a recent forum. She said several of her male friends have come under pressure in recent times from females who relentlessly pursue them for money and sex.
“I have a few friends that tell me that they are feeling under pressure,” she said.
“Mark, you, men put themselves under that pressure because you can say ‘no’, but you have to be sure and have confidence in who you are and what you want.”
The doctor pointed out that those men who refuse to give in to their admirers are often teased, with some being told that they are homosexuals because of their disinterest.
The situation it seems is far worse in the church where women are encouraged to seek suitable partners from the small pickings of men.
Thirty-five-year-old Jonathan Smith, who was at one point being courted by four separate church sisters, lamented that he was tired of being rushed to make a commitment to these girls, when he genuinely had no interest in them.
He said the women had been far from subtle in their approach, with some enquiring about his love interests, inviting him out for drinks, and hitching a ride with him after service in hopes of getting closer.
“They have even gone to the pastor and expressed their intention [for marriage] without even telling me,” he said.
Counselling psychologist Lola Allen-Jones, believes this constant pursuit might actually be a turn off for some men.
“Men are the pursuers by nature, but what is happening is that women in effect have reversed the roles by pursuing them and so they are not getting a chance to really look at these women and make a decision as to why they’d choose A over B or C over D because they are constantly coming at them,” she said.
Pastor of the Christ Light Assembly International in St Catherine, Everton Thomas, agrees that men still love the chase, even in this modern world.
“Women are now, I don’t want to use the word desperate, but they cannot wait for the right person to come along,” he said.
“They are forever flirting and some have even approached the young men and even gone ahead and offered themselves,” the pastor pointed out.
He said the openness of the women, while understandable given the pressure to get married, could actually be a turn-off for men who feel they are being robbed of the opportunity to be the pursuers.
“For the woman to come and offer herself as a sacrificial lamb, it is too easy, so the respect cannot be there as it would be if you had tried to go out there and pursue her. Men love the challenge,” he said.
Meanwhile, Allen-Jones said those men who are being pressured to commit must be very frank with their admirers instead of stringing them along.
“The signals that they are sending to these women are not clear, so they will always have them coming at them,” she said.
“Women unfortunately put their own interpretation because of the vagueness,” the psychologist pointed out.