All Woman

Would you warn your ex's new woman about him?

Kimberley Hibbert

Monday, August 18, 2014    

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IN the popular song Same Script Different Cast, Whitney Houston warns Deborah Cox about the perils of dating her no-good ex. Cox, on the defensive, opts to block out Houston's advice and continues the romance, as she is sure her relationship will last, unlike Houston's.

Would you warn your ex's new paramour about his dirty habits? Many women say no, as not all women will listen and some may even see it as a form of jealousy. But sometimes playing the role of foreteller may save someone from undergoing pain, as a friend of mine learnt when the new girlfriend approached her, upset that she hadn't been warned that her new love was, among other things, a dad, and she hadn't known.

Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell said warning the new girl can be a tricky issue, and deciding to tell or not to tell has both positive and negative consequences.

"You spare the unsuspecting partner the emotional pain that comes about as a result of the bad habits and behaviours of the ex, like his cheating ways, but home girl may feel you are just being jealous and bad-mind and want to jeopardise her relationship," Powell said.

He added that while it may spare the new partner some pain, because you are hurting from the break-up yourself, your motives for warning her may well be selfish and mischievous.

Moreover, Powell explained that keeping silent would give the new girl the opportunity to navigate her new relationship without prior information to dictate her approach, and it would indicate that you are trying to put closure to the relationship with the ex.

"Puss and dog don't have the same luck," Powell said. "The bad behaviour he displayed with you may not be displayed with the new girl. You want to play no role in causing a strain in the relationship between your ex and his new girlfriend."

Below, women weigh in.

Roxanne:

Of course I would have wanted to know about him, but to the question of whether I'd warn the new girl, my answer is no. It seems that such an act would receive more negative than positive feedback. She may feel I'm jealous and she may not listen. Some things you just have to learn on your own.

Nicole:

I don't want to know, and I wouldn't warn her either. Leave people to live and learn.

Shawna:

Yes, I'd want to know, and yes, I would tell her. It's an act of sisterhood. If she doesn't listen, fine. People change, maybe he did, and if he didn't, well, she can't say no one looked out for her interest.

Natasscia:

No and no. I don't want to know and I wouldn't tell her either. Know what you're picking up!

Carla:

Although I'd like to know, I don't think I'd have taken heed to what she would tell me. I'd be only seeing his positives in the beginning, so it really wouldn't make sense.

Denise:

Ignorance is bliss, so I'd rather have bliss than knowledge at that point. See people business and leave it alone! I'm not doing it!

Tanya:

I would have liked if someone had told me he was so selfish. I should have seen the red flags when he told me that he hadn't had a serious girlfriend before me. Three years into the relationship I realised he was selfish and mean. If someone had told me that, I wouldn't have wasted time. If my ex's new girl asks, I would tell her.

Michelle:

My ex married his new girlfriend and has totally transformed. So the man I knew doesn't exist anymore, which is surprising, because I knew a dog! So even if I had told her, she wouldn't believe me. But I would like if someone warned me about whatever guy I get romantic with next.

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