All Woman

Wrong reasons to date a guy

By KIMBERLEY HIBBERT

Monday, September 01, 2014    

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THERE is no easy way to play the love game as it comes with a long list of rules, plenty of competition and many players. But if you decide to play, we suggest that you play an honest game and not date for the wrong reasons. These include dating solely because of a person's physical features or because a person is well-off.

Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell said choosing to date someone for shallow reasons will result in a short-lived relationship.

"First of all, if you make your choice of spouse based on trivial matters such as looks and foot size, you can be sure that as soon as these things pass the attraction will go, and the so-called love will die a natural death," Powell said

But Powell admitted that it is normal for people to be drawn to looks at first; however, if other qualities are not compatible, trouble will follow.

"It is true that people are attracted to the physical in the first instance, after which the more important elements like shared values and building a friendship usually follow promptly. If, however, these elements are secondary and fall very low on the priority listing, then the relationship will not survive," he said.

Here are some wrong reasons for choosing to date someone.

1. For money

So you like the fact that he has his own ride and you don't have to take the bus. You may also like the gifts he showers you with, trips he takes you on, and the expensive dinner dates he asks you to accompany him on. His wallet may give you a sense of security, but think for a second if you'd like him minus all the glitz and glamour. If the answer is no, call it quits.

2. For good looks

He has the million-dollar smile, a six-pack, he's tall dark and handsome, his eyes pierce your soul, and you can run your fingers through his hair without fear of them being bruised. But realistically speaking, if that is all you're attracted to, as Powell said, the relationship will not survive.

3. You're settling

You may have been single for a while and feel as if no one notices you, and so you settle for the much older, semi-attractive, irritating teeth-grinder at church who breathes down your neck every Sunday, but who has a good heart. Don't settle just because you think life is passing you by.

4. For sexual gratification

Even passion gets boring after a while. Ensure that there are other qualities in your spouse that you like apart from being satisfied in bed. When he or she isn't in the mood, chances are problems will arise as sex would have been the sole reason for being together.

5. Because you're lonely

It sucks when all your friends are in relationships and you aren't. You won't get invited to certain events or get togethers because they know you'll feel left out and awkward. However, entering a relationship just because you want a man is unfair to both you and him. You may simply be entertaining the thought rather than who the person is or represents.

6. Because you're living the moment

You may have been to an important business function, saw him in an expensive suit, liked the idea and decided to give it a shot because he's everything you desire. However, when you get to know him he is short-tempered and has bad breath. Being caught up in the moment is good, but never jump the gun. Know what you're getting into.

7. Because your family accepts him

Mom adores him and he's a winner in dad's eyes. Your arrogant, over-protective brother plays football with him and your narcissistic sister is unselfish towards him. These signs may make you think he's definitely the one, but it's you he's in the relationship with, not them. It is good when your lover is favoured by your direct loved ones, but if you don't like him that way, forget it. Value your happiness over what other people think.

8. Because time is running out

Many women dream of getting married in their 20s and having their first child before 30. When that projected path takes a different course with no boyfriend, ring or conversations about tying the knot, you may feel it's time to go fishing and run with your first catch. But there are always options, so try them. You may run off with a sprat while snappers are in the water waiting.

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