Did my husband divorce me?

By Margarette MACAULAY

Monday, March 15, 2010

Dear Mrs Macaulay,

I got married in 2000. My husband was on the work programme to the US and I had a son in 2002. I found out he was cheating while away. He confessed and then gave the impression that he wanted the marriage to work when he came back to Jamaica. He left in 2004 and was expected to return that December but chose to take an extension without my consent and of course overstayed his time in the USA. Nevertheless we still communicated and he always ensured financial support. In 2007 he mentioned that to work legally in US he would have to divorce and re-marry. I refused to grant him a divorce. A friend of his brought some papers to me which I refused to sign. Since then I have been continuously asking if he has divorced me because I am aware that it can be done without my knowledge or contest. His answer to this is always no. I must also add that he was in Jamaica in June 2009 for a short visit and to date I do not know the reason for the trip. He was here again in January of this year. I believe he is lying to me to me but he denies everything and refuses to talk about what is really happening. I am exhausted in trying to make this marriage work because of the distance and lies and lack of trust.

How can I find out if he has actually divorced me so I can

move on with my life?

Thank you for your letter. You ask how you can find out if he has actually divorced you, so that you can move on with your life.

It seems to me that you must make enquiries in the courts of the United States of America and Jamaica, because he could he apply in either country.

I trust that you know his address and therefore know the city and state where he resides in America. If you know these things, then you can make enquiries through the clerk of the circuit courts family division or the county court clerk depending in which state he resides and which court in that jurisdiction deals with divorces. It is generally the former.

You should be able to make your enquiries by way of the Internet, on the United States' government's website, in the section which deals with their courts. This is the quickest and most direct means to get your answer about his possible divorce of you in America.

Or, you can make the enquiries through a telephone call to the clerk of court's office there.

If you are not able to Google the US court's website, then you can get the website address and/or the telephone number of the clerk of court's office from Jamaica's consular office in the particular state in which your husband resides. They should be able to give you the address of the relevant court for the city in which he resides, the court's website address and the clerk's telephone number.

They may even be able to make the enquiries on your behalf from the court and inform you whether he had filed a petition for divorce and whether and when the decree was granted and if it has been made final or if not.

You say he came to Jamaica in June 2009 and again in January 2010.

The message which I received from the way you stated these facts, was that you suspect he might have even done something about applying for a divorce here in Jamaica BUT you are not sure. You are very uneasy though.

So, my dear, you can, if you live in Kingston, go to the Supreme Court on King Street. Go to the Civil Registry and at the Divorce Window, tell the clerk that you request that a search be done to ascertain whether your husband has filed a divorce petition in the court, and if so, what has happened with it to the date of your search.

If he did cause a petition to be filed there, you will be able to find out and you can get copies of the petition and any other documents he may have filed. A small fee for searches and copies is generally charged. Or, you may be able, over the phone, to get at least information that there is record that his petition had been filed or that there is not a record of any filed.

Since there is a minor dependent child of the marriage, you must ensure that the child's future welfare is secure, and that means you must ensure that all legal orders necessary to protect the child are obtained by you. So you should apply for orders that you have custody, care and control of the child, and for the father's contribution for his support and his access also.

If your enquiries show that he has not filed either in America or here in Jamaica, then you can go ahead and cause a petition to be filed on your behalf and ask for the orders regarding your child's welfare which I have suggested. In this way, you will know your child is legally protected and therefore with a lighter and less worried heart, you can get on with your life.

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COMMENTS (7)

Ms. Lee B.
3/19/2010

@ Brooklyn Jamaican - I agree with you totally. I feel badly about what happened here. No Joke. But the work she now has to go through to find out IF this man divorce her is just too much both mentally and physically.
I'm not a lawyer, so I really don't know and I don't want to speak over the attorney here. But, if she said that this man is taking care of his child. Why she a guh waste more time a Courthouse? Let's say that this man is sending between $250 - $300 U.S. every two weeks for his child, can you imagine going to a Court in Jamaica and end up getting 1/2 of that? (It happened before). Also, she already has the child, he doesn't appear to have any issues with that. Because she admitted that this man is financially supportive and should this man show ALL his money transfer records transfer from Western Union, she will have REAL problems!
I just think that this woman should be allowed to conserve her energy and resources and find PEACE.

Sandy Tucker
3/18/2010

@Karen, overstay and extension are two different things. In addition, what he going back and forth prior to the 09 visit as mentioned in the letter? Yes you can apply for an extension but overstay means you stayed beyond the date of the visa expiration. Now you need an adjustment of status. This can be done by work, school or marriage. The question is, which did he choose?

Karen Lee
3/18/2010

@sandy..he overstayed his trip by means of a extension on his visa...so yes he can still come back and forth

Brooklyn Jamaican
3/18/2010

LIfe is tough with twists and turns. The thing that baffles me is why people resist parting from a person who does not want to be with them? What can be achieved with such a scenario?
Are you so desperate to be called wife?
Its a lesson for both men and women, if a person does not want you, let go and never return.

melissa norman
3/17/2010

Woman, I have a feeling that your husband did divorce you behind your back because he wanted to remarry. This is what you should do: Contact all Family Law/Divorce Courts that are in the cities that he lived in the US., or you can do a people search on the net using your credit card. People search can sometimes bring up all persons that are connected to your husband, such as his wife. Everything is on the Net these days. You can also go on the net and find out all the divorce courts in his cities and give them a call. They will be gladly able to assist you. I stronly feel that he has gone through with the divorce without your knowledge because he visited Jamaica more than once and remember that he was out of status which makes it harder to legally re-enter the united states in such short time. I sympathize with you and I feel that you should not stress yourself out because he probably did it because of circumstance and not because he wants to jeopardize the marriage between both of you.

Ms. Lee B.
3/15/2010

I am very sorry to hear of such a thing. Truly. It would have been better to give him the divorce he desired. The older I become the more I learnt through observation that you can't force someone to love you and to be with you if they have no desire to be there. Even if the separation it is a matter of economics. Alas, people get married for Green Cards all the time. There is a grizzly part to this story that most don't want to talk about. Ie. the emotional and sometimes physical trauma.
However, sometimes these two people (the opportunist and his/her co-conspirator) end up living productive lives together.
Since he constantly obfuscates and doges the ball, you would be better off getting obtaining a divorce on you own anyway. After all, you don't have a marriage.
Lastly, if this man is supporting his child, I see no reason to drag him through the Courts. What would be your evidence against him? He would have (and probably has) all the Western Union papers to show his continued support anyway. But then, that's just my thought. Good luck.

Sandy Tucker
3/15/2010

I am by no means a lawyer, but you stated that he overstayed his US trip in 04 and returned later in 09 and 10. Did he ever return prior to 04? If not that I can safely assume that he did indeed divorce you, remarry someone in the U.S. and got himself a green card. Now if he has remained consistent in your life and maintained support for the child and you on a consistent basis then he probably did this solely for the purpose of getting a green card.

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Did my husband divorce me?