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True Life Stories

Monday, February 22, 2010

I was reading your recent All Woman feature on men with secret lives. I have a very interesting story. It's about men who leave your house and get married to someone else. I had heard women talk about it before. I never thought it would happen to me. You never think it will happen to you.

I had two children with this man I went to high school with. We didn't date when I was in high school. He was four years older than I was and two years ahead of me.

After I graduated, I started working at a leading bank and we reconnected. I was attracted to him then, I won't lie. He was the first man I ever slept with. We started dating and I found out he had another girl pregnant. I asked him about it and he told me she had been a one-night stand and meant nothing to him. He said just because she was having his child didn't mean he wanted to be with her the rest of his life. He said he just wouldn't abandon her while she was pregnant. His family hated her because they didn't feel she was up to his level. She gave him his first son.

I ignored my head and went with my heart. I eventually became pregnant myself. I had my baby, and he migrated. I visited him and got pregnant a second time. It was then I found out that the year our daughter was born, he had another child by yet another girl. My daughter was born in January, hers in November. The girl with whom he had his first son was also pregnant again. Our babies were born six weeks apart.

In December 1994, he came to my house. He never said anything to me, but he was nervous and edgy. He left and on the 14th he got married. On that day, I got a phone call and there was a song playing in the background which taunted me. I can't even remember the name or lyrics. I didn't know what it meant then.

The same day, I went to pick my daughter up from school. I passed several people dressed for a wedding, not knowing they were going to HIS wedding. I stopped at my godmother's salon and we saw the girl he was marrying across the street in a variety store picking out stockings. A few days earlier, my godmother had told me she had seen him and his sister going into a bank next to her salon. When I asked him about it, he denied it. They had been withdrawing money to pay for his wedding reception.

A few days after the wedding he came back to my house and still tried to have sex with me. I told him to get lost. He had the nerve to be hurt. He still never said a word about his marriage. He told me years later that he had married her because she's a teacher and had great health insurance (he has a serious heart condition). I slept with him once after he got married for spite then dumped him. He never fully accepted my walking away from him.

I migrated and my children are almost grown and he is still trying to hit on me. Every time I talk to him, he gripes about how he misses me and how good I look in my pictures. According to him, he hasn't found anyone who matched him as much as I did. He still seeks me out for counselling. My children tell me he kept asking them detailed questions about me on the two occasions they visited the island and saw him. He has never been in their lives and they say they regard him as a stranger. Apparently he never told his wife about the other little girl he had with the other woman either. She didn't even know about my son until I told her. She knew about my daughter but not my son. I told her when she was on a visit to New York in 1996, two years after they had been married. Her comment then was, "I didn't know he was responsible for that one", like my child was a puppy. She has hated me and my children with a passion, never once condemning him for his deception. I had to handle the hurt, the pain, the blame and the financial burden of raising two children on my own. They turned out great though.

He and his wife experienced great financial embarrassment because of his many failed business attempts. His green card got taken away and he never got to bring them to live here permanently. Things never went right for him after I left him. At first I was glad to see them suffer because it seemed the world had a way of righting things. Now, I just pity them. He has visited us here in the States, but I put him to sleep in my guest room. My life is going great. I have a couple guys nosing around, but I'll take my time. I was kind of hard on men before because I couldn't trust any of them after what he had done. I'm healed from bitterness now though. I'm very, very good.

Have a true story to share? Email allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.

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