Emotional abuse

By Wayne A Powell

Monday, March 15, 2010

"HE does not hit me, but he hurts me." This comment was made by a woman who was not abused physically, as the abuser has never lifted a hand to inflict pain or injury on her, but he had caused emotional and psychological damage by his verbal and non-verbal communication/action.

Do you remember the old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me?' This statement, though noble, is not entirely true as degrading words can certainly hurt, especially when they are said by someone whose comments you value.

Emotional abuse can cause lifetime damage as a continuous diet of negativity will certainly erode your self-esteem, driving you into a state of depression. Where a cut will heal over time, an emotional wound may never heal, especially if the individual is not helped.

Let us look at some of the strategies employed by the abuser to manipulate and control the mind and behaviour of the abused:

* He refuses to listen to you and shoots down every suggestion that you make.

* When you make a good workable suggestion he captures it, taking all the credit for himself.

* He never pays you a compliment and looks for every opportunity to put you down.

* He always compares you to his co-worker or former girlfriend and casts you in a negative light.

* He never takes you out and dissuades you from going out with your friends.

* He is always reminding you of some past event (mistake) which you have long recovered from.

* He seeks to sink you in a state of dependency and powerlessness by controlling all the finances.

* He makes life-changing decisions without consulting with you so that you will not influence the outcome.

* He blames you for every negative outcome of any decision that was made even if he was the one who made the decision.

* He disrespects you in the presence of others, especially family and friends.

* He seeks to isolate you from your support system such as family and friends.

* He views sex as a job that you must do regardless of your feelings or mood.

* He drives fear in you and makes you feel doubtful about your future.

* He limits your attempts to attain any personal development.

* He wants you to design your whole existence around his world.

If you can identify with the above there is no doubt that you are in a dysfunctional relationship. The emotional and psychological scars from such an unhealthy situation can have serious far-reaching effects. This will definitely affect your ability to relate on an intra and inter-personal level.

The advice therefore is to seek professional help as soon as possible. If you ignore your present condition, you are giving up your God-given right to a wholesome and self-fulfilling life. You deserve no less.

Wayne A Powell is a relationship counsellor. He may be contacted at crisscounselloronline@gmail.com or www.crisscounselloronline.com.

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COMMENTS (1)

collin williams
3/17/2010

"SHE does not hit me, but she hurts me." This comment is also made by a men who are not abused physically, as the abuser has never lifted a hand to inflict pain or injury on him, but she had caused emotional and psychological damage by her verbal and non-verbal communication/action. I then will then ask the question of Mr. Powell after rephrasing this first paragraph of this article. Isn't it a fact that not only men cause emotional and psychological damage by their verbal and non-verbal communication/action but women does so too?

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