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Long-distance 'stuller'?

Friday, July 13, 2012

BELIEF kills and belief cures. I don't know who came up with that quote, but truer words have never been said.

I tend to frequent bars, clubs and such highly regarded establishments on a nightly basis, and if I've learned nothing else from these experiences, one of my primary lessons is never to put my faith in the words being uttered aloud by most of the men with whom I've had the pleasure of sharing a drink and conversation.

I have heard just about everything and there is one consistent belief among men, especially after a few drinks get them gabbing, and that is studs and 'stullers' do exist.

A 'stuller' is a recently coined Jamaican phrase used to denote a man, and a few women, who have such prowess in bed that they can go on forever without tiring and bring great satisfaction. And I do not wish it to sound like it's just bar folk, the average man would like to believe that he is generously endowed, can

do a long-distance bedroom marathon and is able to copulate with up to four women at the same time and not be fazed. All in a day's 'work'.

Just listen to most male-written song lyrics and you will agree.

My first-hand knowledge of such matters may be limited, but I do have discussions with females across the globe and most agree that a 'stuller' is a myth and even if such a creature did exist, most ladies expressed that they would have no interest in being pounded relentlessly for hours at a time.

So if 90 per cent of Jamaican men are 'stullers' and 90% of Jamaican women claim that they do not wish to be ridden like a thoroughbred horses there must be a very tired 10 per cent bunch of women walking around looking haggard.

I will use this opportunity to thank these women for the job they must be doing. There are products that are being sold to endorse this belief that men can be stullers, if only for a day. These include bomb, chiney brush, ginseng and the blue pill. But I have not come across sufficient scientific data available to prove that any of these methods is a sure shot, so please proceed with caution.

I personally know of one gentleman who thought quite smartly that if the suggested half dosage of an enhancer could give him two hours of upstanding performance, then a full dose would make him a legend. It did; he had to be hospitalised for several days for them to get the swelling down.

It's funny the things we will say or admit openly to assuage our perceived view of what appeals to the opposite sex. Note that 'openly' is the operative word, because in one-on-one interviews with some gentlemen, they admitted that an average performance on a good day, not including foreplay, is between 15 to 20 minutes and, depending on the surroundings, promptly to sleep thereafter.

This response was popular irrespective of age or social standing. I was relieved to know that women need not fear being mistaken for a bounce-a-bout, but could enjoy a mutually satisfying romp without ego trips.

Have a great weekend, folks; please exercise caution when using the nation's roadways. Follow me on Twitter @ElvaJamaica or drop me an e-mail elvachatalot@yahoo.com

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