Battered men

Many men being beaten by women but are afraid to tell

BY NADINE WILSON Observer staff reporter wilsonn@jamaicaobserver.com

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

WHILE there is no empirical data indicating the exact levels of domestic abuse meted out to Jamaican men by women, two male gender experts say the issue is something that needs some serious attention, especially as some men are hurting in their relationships.

"It is very difficult to get statistical evidence on the issue," deputy head of Fathers Inc Solomon McCalla told editors and reporters at the Observer's weekly Monday Exchange meeting yesterday. "The men will not come forward and say that they are being physically abused."

Senior policy analyst and male desk representative at the Bureau of Women's Affairs Dave Noel Williams, said the abuse of men by women is far more widespread than thought. He said he had counselled about 10 men, ranging from age 23 to their 40s over a nine-month period last year, who had been abused by women.

"What they will tell you is that the women beat up on them, but then they come back now to justify and say, 'a me do it first', or 'a me say something that she never like', or 'a me tell her that she couldn't go somewhere'," said Williams, while pointing out that most men do this because they want to give the impression that they are still in control.

He pointed out that most men prefer that their story remains a secret, because for the most part being abused by a woman is considered a "shame" or a "sin" in Jamaica.

"It is taboo, so men will not go forward and say that they are being abused," he stressed. "If it should be written any at all in the paper or even be on the news that a man has been abused and he comes forward for help, then he is going to be seen as a wimp, to put it nicely, and that's very, very nicely."

Added to the reluctance of some men to come forward, Williams said the treatment of these men by some police officers is also another concern.

"I have had clients who have said to me that they have gone to the police station, and I went with one of them too to report violence against them, and the female corporal just said to the man that him must go home, because him a man," Williams shared.

He believes that it is this callous disregard by persons within the society and police officers that has forced men to go into hiding instead of admitting that they need help.

"I would say a lot of men are suffering, but they are suffering underneath because they can't come out and talk about it," he said.

Apart from the physical abuse, Solomon sought to point out that a number of men are being verbally and mentally abused by women who tend to be domineering. This, too, he believes, has an impact on men.

When asked what would cause a man to remain in an abusive relationship, Williams said that most do so out of love for the woman or for the sake of the children. But he believes that staying in such a relationship for whatever reason is never a good idea.

"I seldomly tell people to walk out of relationships," he said. However, he was clear that, "once you start to hit each other, please walk out of it".

Williams lamented the fact that issues affecting men are not given prominence, but said that this was something the male desk at the Bureau of Women's Affairs -- which was launched in April last year -- was trying to address.

"We need more data, empirical evidence on men and men's issues, we are not having it," he said. "Because gender (and) the whole thing about masculinity and men's issue -- it's not something that was being looked at a lot, it was just about women."

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COMMENTS (8)

rosemarie jones
2/16/2010

First let me state that it is not ok for anyone to physically abuse another person, with that said it is quite noticeable that the response to this article from the men so far seem to want to imply that 'women' have somehow used their magical powers to trap them in a life of sex, beating and mindless thinking.
Men you all need to wake up, no woman has put you in state of mind that you didn't want to be in, woman have become more empowered because a number of your male counterparts have chosen to be missing in action, there's no need to fight for power, as neither woman or man is the superior being, how about both sexes working together to build a society of proud, strong, independent indiviuals

Bill Bowen
2/16/2010

O’Neil, Don’t be naive women has greatly contributed to this situation , you have to realized a women has the power to build or break down any Social/ moral aspect of society they are the ones who brings life into this world , once they can manipulate their surroundings and become corrupt automatically this is where the whole process begins by creating an environment for their children and so these children continue the cycle and mainly the Boys became the victim the Girls continue as mom is her role model, the boys has no role model because mom creating an environment that dad had to leave because she independent and do not need a man . She wants to be free to be promiscuous. so the Boys see no real father only a couple a guys come by at nights so he became directionless some even followed mom too by bleaching, wearing tight pants and also being Gay, daughter see mom been independent so she followed Mom foot step by getting a good education to be like mom in the future no man around just come and go and the whole cycle continues.
And this where our society is today because of this same situation, check out the house hold mostly women as single parents, ask where dad is mom push him out of the house, can’t even see the kids because system is there to give mom all the rights where the kids are concern, child belong to mom about 85% and 15% for dad and that is to send money for the kids. And this some men can’t be bothered and he dear not try the system, it is there for women, and this is one of the reason women force their way to change the system s as to have their own way, and our leaders fail to see this as they are at the top, so little bit of oppression for the average man is nothing.
You do a comparison of the countries that have moral values check what role women play. We taught our self and children that women and men are equal (of course we are equal where opportunities are concern) and so produce a confused society today and I will say this women and men not to have the same role in society, this cannot be as there won’t be any head of the hierarchy even the very structure of creation tell us this can’t be even within a company there must be a head and different functions and God told us so.
We have to guide and set standards for women to follow if we allow women to continue this way then I am sorry to say that our future is going to be very Sinful and hopeless. God help our sons.

ONeil Hibbert
2/16/2010

ALL,We are the ones(Men) who give the women this power to do what they want,If we were standing up as real men and doing the things we were meant to do it would not have come to this.The women realise that we were weak in alot of areas and they had to fill in where the strenght of a man was needed and they have consequently become stronger than us.Stronger financially.mentally and now physically,If we dont wake up this world starting with Jamaica is gonna be run by women In order to take back this power we have to gain their respect and let a woman want to follow by free will not by force,dont accept being a stay at home husband,dont accept medioker standards,have strong morals, set the bar very high for your kids,take the best care of your family you possible can, give them as much love as possible.If this does not work for a woman then let her live out her natural life without a man.

Bill Bowen
2/16/2010

Aneita Campbell, you name me those countries, Africa, Ha-Ha, of course women are in powerful position all over the world especially in Europe but they Know their role in society and men in those country ensure they are there for the interest of country building, not for women interest and they never dear do that or else they will be put back behind desk or the home, men are totally in control in those country not women, unlike Jamaican men too dunce and sexoholic.
It is against very the structure that God handed down to men on earth and we are allowing Women to sway( as always) us from that structure and it is causing more social ills than ever and our boys are the Victim of these Social ills, the Girls continue for it benefit them.
Especially among African descent, no wonder they are so backward and limited.
Any man who allows a woman to batter him is not a man but a spineless Neanderthal. And the mere fact man is much stronger so if a man allows that how come he is to be called a man and that one of feature of a man.
Again haven’t Biblical history taught us any thing?

Derrick Bailey
2/16/2010

I agree with you Bill. Over the years we have relinquished our natural rights and allow women to convince us that our purpose is to provide them with money, sperm when they are ready for children in order for them to prove that they are females and to satisfy their every need in the bed room. All this is to be done while they are allowed behave any way they wish without us men having any expectations concerning their behavior even with the children that we have fathered. They tell us any thing that comes to their mouths even in front of the children or say negitive things about us to the children in our abcence. The result of all this is that we as a country end up with so called men in responsible positions who cannot make sensible decissions and who can be distracted be simplest of female guile. Hence we end up with a disfunctional society where more and more of our young people end up in prison while most of those on the out side employ all kind of foul means to obtain meaningless wealth which end up contributing to corruption and crime in our society. IT IS TIME FOR US AS MEN TO STAND UP AS THE LEADERS WE WERE CREATED TO BE AND NOT ALLOW THOSE WHO WERE CREATED AS COMPANY TO LEAD AND DOMINATE US.. FULL STOP.

Aneita Campbell
2/16/2010

Bill Bowen, men being abused is a very common issue all over the world not just Jamaica. Women are in powerful positions in many countries and are very successful in shaping and implementing policies that are essential to the operations of these countries.

Bill Bowen
2/16/2010

We need some of the Muslim Principle in this country women are out of control and using men who are spineless to carry out their act to their advantage, poor Jamaican men fool and gay. Which other country women can treat men this way , only Jamaica. Jamaican Men are so sexually hooked that we would do any thing for women, and so women of this country used them. We even put them in key position in this country for them to take advantage of the system for women interest, the Courts/ police force is a prime example.
Seems we forget biblical history, women are more the cause than the solution.

STEPHANIE W
2/16/2010

This is a great article. Those that believe that a man is weak or cannot be abused by a woman is foolish. If it is wrong for a man to hit a woman then it is wrong for a woman to hit a man. It is NEVER ok no matter what is said.
The police should be ashamed of themselves for not serving those that are being abused and sending them home to a volatile situation.
The only bit of information missing from this article is the contact info for those that need help in an abusive relationship, maybe a phone number?

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