Gangster says he started life of crime from primary school days

More of the writings of slain Stone Crusher leader Cedric ‘Doggie’ Murray

BY VERNON DAVIDSON Executive Editor - Publications davidsonv@jamaicaobserver.com

Sunday, September 05, 2010

SLAIN Stone Crusher Gang leader Cedric Murray says his career in crime started when he was 11 years old and quickly mushroomed to the point where he no longer feared death but felt that his was a wasted life.

"Many would wonder how this all started or how it came to all of this. It started from 12 years old or 11, and the lifestyle just grew rapidly into many criminal behaviour, and prison taught me well — positive and negative," Murray wrote in his diary, excerpts of which were obtained by the Sunday Observer under the Access to Information Act.

"My story started long ago from a little boy in primary school and gang," Murray wrote. His entries are made in a mixture of good and bad grammar suggesting that the man, who was on the police's 10 most wanted list for more than seven years, benefited from some level of schooling.

Pointing out that his past has overshadowed his future, Murray wrote: "I am living but I have no life. The media along with babylon has degrade my name but not my image."

However, in that same entry, after claiming that he had seen his friends killed by the police in cold blood or in shootouts, Murray was unapologetic about his life.

"I make no excuse for my past. I am a real gangsta, hardcore. I am a player and teacher of what is right," he said. "Babylon has labelled me a threat to society, why, because they can't kill me and people love me. There are many skeleton in my closet never to be opened."

Throughout the diary, which spans the period July 14, 2008 to August 2, 2010 — 10 days before Murray was shot dead by the police in a reported shootout near the border of Clarendon and Manchester — the former gang leader reflected on the effects his life of crime had on his relationship with his woman, children, his ability to sleep and to stay in one place for long periods, and on his emotions.

"I wonder how many places will this life I live take me and how often will I see my kids," he wrote on July 28, 2010. "My life is very unstable and complex. It's... very difficult, at times boring and very frustrating."

Added Murray: "Today is just another day of mixed emotions. No one knows my daily struggles each day. I fight a deep inner fight of fear, depression and anger. I had so much to offer but I allow my feeling to drive me to anger and this is part of the result, life of a fugitive. Most of my life is spent as a wanted man."

According to the police, Murray, also known as 'Doggie', was on the run since 2002 after he was accused of at least six murders committed in St James in previous years. He was also fingered in a triple murder at Felicity Road in Montego Bay in February 2006.

Police said that a SigPro 9mm and the diary were taken from Murray's body, while the driver of the vehicle in which Murray was travelling escaped. Police believe he, too, was shot.

In several of his entries Murray spoke of narrow escapes he made from the police, as well as other times when he fled only to learn later that he did so on the basis of false alarms.

"As I sit here and reflect on my present life, yesterday I had to run to the hills and wet in the rain, false alarm, so many of those, this is a wasted life. I don't even have a roof over my head. I am all over, I miss my kids dem so much, life at times can be like the quick sand," he wrote on July 25, 2010.

In another entry he wrote: "Well, today is a day false alarm about babylon coming, pure running again. It seems like I just can't get in shape. Life in the hills of St Andrew is very ruff, day and night babylon is close, nuff movements at times."

Another escape is documented on June 23, 2010. "The morning began at 4:30 am. I was asleep when babylon came but by the grace of God I escape. The tracks are ruff. My life right now is very ruff, each day way different from what I am use to at my age."

His frustration at not being able to sleep well is documented in another entry, also dated July 25, 2010: "My life is full of issues, how I long for a real good sleep, just lay down and sleep away. But my lifestyle doesn't give me that luxury, all because of the path that I am walking on."

His roller-coaster love life is documented in detail with the gangster noting in one entry that he is very happy because he and his woman, whom he calls his "beautiful ebony princess", are working things out. "It's good to smile again, real good," he wrote. "Every man needs a woman."

However, in another entry he expressed frustration in love. "My life right now is like a jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece, my woman. I am in great distress and agony. I am watching my love life fall right apart and can't stop it. When does my pain stop."

Yet another indication of his sometimes happy sometimes sad relationship is given in this entry: "Today I got mad and strike my girl. We are having some problems, real life issues. She make me happy and I make her unhappy. She is scared of all this."

In another entry, the date of which is unclear, Murray wrote: "I have lost my woman that I love dearly all because of this delima. I caan blame her for she have a life too and kids. I am like a man living on death row but with faith in God things will work out for me.

"I am tempted to hate and react but people have grown to love and trust me as a man and not as a gangster. I am just a man trying to live in peace because I know how to fight but I choose to love."

Murray also said that he had been accused of various crimes, but his accusers have nothing but lies to back up their claims. He named a member of the Cabinet whom he said accused him of threatening him. However, he said that he had never seen the politician "face to face nor ever spoken to him".

He made numerous references to God and in one instance declared that he loves the Lord, even though he is "a real gangster all out".

In his May 31, 2009 entry, Murray talked about how secluded he felt from society and even contemplated writing a book. Said he: "My isolation from society gets farther each year. For now I am at ease but for me things are subject to change anytime. I should really write a book but I couldn't be real honest so it wouldn't be a best seller."

At one point Murray, expressing deep depression over his life, wrote that he understood why people commit suicide. "...they just give in because the brain overcrowded and the outlet seems closed", he said.

But just like the master thief Fagan of Oliver Twist fame, Murray, while wishing that no one else experienced the kind of life he had, concluded: "Each day I am faced with a new fear that I must overcome by faith and staying focus and not letting my anger direct my steps into blindness. My gun is my best friend, we are always together, always".

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COMMENTS (28)

Poco Loco
9/5/2010

This was a good move by the Observer to published the diary of Cedric Murray. I saw nothing wrong with what journalist did by printing diary. There are too many hypocrites in Jamaica.

wayne Jones
9/5/2010

Is there anywhere in his diary that he reflected on the families or kids of those he slaughtered so mercilessly. This man is the most psychopathic of criminal murderers, was he looking for some kind of pity? If so, from who. He has probably murdered more than 20 people in his time. What do you hope to achieve by publishing a daily story about this killer.

PL BOGLE
9/5/2010

Thanks Observer for the privileged to see in the mind of people like Cedric Murray. The publishing of his diary is more important than the publishing Manatt, Phelps & Phillips emails. After the scandal is long gone we'll have people like Cedric Murray to contend with. Knowledge is power thanks for the privilege

Rob C
9/5/2010

Him lucky him get time fi escape and write journal. Ask de family of 'Stone Crusher' victims how much time dem get fi live. Can you imagine de bawling and wailing de victims dem gwaan wid b4 dis dawg and him brederins dem cut dem dung ?? How him nevah write bout dem tingz deh ?
Lest we forget!!

paul brown
9/5/2010

It is very hard to categorize Mr Murray. He comes off as a man who has a vested interest in the life of a "shottas." Nonetheless, he could have been useful in curving the crimes in Jamaica. The govt should position itself to capture more of the "shottas," and incorporate them in its crime management. Mr Murray could have provided lots of information and use to deter those who are at the entry level of the gangster life. The extra judicial killing is helping to sustain the murderate in Jamaica

kulcha knox
9/5/2010

you guys need to grow up, stop being ignorant, the media is not doing nothing wrong by making the genral public aware of facts. There is good and bad in this world, we have to notice them both

Bal Ance
9/5/2010

I expect to see a movie of this in a few years time

Carlton Levy
9/5/2010

I agree that different things will have influence over our lifes but the ultimate decision is ours. Murray choose to live a life of crime and as such as given up is freedom to live a life of fear and mental torture. The media should use excerpt from his diary to educate our youngster to show them if you choose to live that way only a matter of time that you will get caught or die. What better way to campaign in schools that crime doesnt pay than to use the words of one who lived it and die in it

Brooklyn Jamaican
9/5/2010

To all who say this must not be published, the public has a right to know. Stop digging heads in the sand. Such intrigues should not be the purview of a few. Let each draw their own conclusion. Next thing Observer, we want see the Peter King taape and which big man inna it. Pastor, Police and Politician.

Lu Pa
9/5/2010

We can see into the mind of another harden and disturbed criminal, the mind of a sociopath, one minute he is call for God' help the next his gun is his friend and only God and him knows how many murders him and his friend commited, society is well rid of him.

Chuck Emanuel
9/5/2010

@Chris Miss jones. Thanks for the "needs testing". I may add, we "need" Law and order.

mark brown
9/5/2010

at least he remembers that he is only human and has only one life, we must not be too hasty to pour scorn on the media for giving us the opportunity to understand the science of a criminal and a person both are not the same.
lets take a deeper look at society role in this yes we all have a choice but we all have different circumstances that lead us.
live by the gun die by the gun I ant going to judge
after all let he who is without sin cast the first stone

Ghengis Khan
9/5/2010

The man was a sociopath and a coward. Only a true coward would call a gun his best friend. This fool had regrets yes, but kept justifying his right to prey on society. Good riddance. I hope di little youth dem tek heed from this story.

C M
9/5/2010

BAD MOVE!!!! giving too much media attention to this
"GANG LEADER" he choose his path, he had enuf education to have a compilation of his activities, what are you saying journalist, chronicle your escapades and maybe you'll get a best seller or a movie, don't you think they will all want fame in the only way they know of? what you need to write about is lack of opportunities e.g trade schools for people to learn life long skills electricians, welders carpenters, plumbers $200/hr

Esmore Gillings
9/5/2010

He had more than enough opportunity to turn himself in, he could have done it with an attorney or a pastor. I can't help but feel his pain and frustration and I pry that someone with some sense will use these words positively to help others like him.
I agreed with the thought that he probably wanted us to know what he was going through after he was gone, he knew he was going to die.

terrence duncan
9/5/2010

Let us be honest within ourselves and stop the blame game Cedric choose a path no one lead hin to it.I never grew up in an upscale community three sqare meals a day the best education and the best role models,the gun was the only answer.Yet I never chose that path.To many person don't want to responsibility for there own actions.We should look in the mirror before we blame politicians,parents,education.We have a choice.If we didn't,why you think we are commenting on this now?

daine winkle
9/5/2010

A man that is cornered by fear of the society is now fearful of life, we may wonder why he wrote his gangster lifestyle in is diary, it saying to us that he was conscious of the is action and he wanted people to know about him when he is gone. It is not for us to condemns the others who are like him that have started at a early age, but for us to find them and change them they are not lost they are here with us, we know them. We can do it together ‘to every action there is an opposite and equal

george watson
9/5/2010

otis grant says we should hold up people like Motty Perkins as role models. If he can tell me one thing that Motty Perkins has accomplished in this life let me know. Motty Perkins has the gift of gab, but beyond that what?
People's accomplishments do not rest on talk but with doing. Probably if Motty Perkins had been a motivational speaker, then perhaps I would be willing to give him that, but beyond his ability as a speaker, what would we be building a monument to him for?
Mr. Seaga, YES

daine winkle
9/5/2010

Mr. Anderson
9/5/2010

A next man suppose to have your ebony princess now! eediat.

Chris Miss jones
9/5/2010

As a people we should seriously ask ourselves how did this young man come to this sorry state and how can this be prevented in the future. We need a kinder gentler society, we need anger management programs, we need to teach conflict resolution, we need more and more education, we need more responsible parents, we need more responsible governments, we need more responsible private sector. We need to stop brutalising, abusing and belittling children with unkind words. In a word we need more LOVE.

Chris Miss jones
9/5/2010

Mr & Mrs Politician, Parents, Teachers, Jamaicans of all walks of life here is a prime example of a wasted potential. By nothing more than an accident of birth a human life that could have been a Prime Minister, a leader of men has been lost. I read the pathos and the pain, I read the ego and the grandstanding, I read the little lost boy, crying out for love and understanding and I read the angry murderous young man who sees no hope for himself. This should be required reading at schools.

Jaye Stone
9/5/2010

In death, Cedric Murray has become a star. He is being celebrated by the media fraternity surprised because he kept a journal and showed some writing skills. Of course the public is fascinated by the stories and more newspapers are sold. And the gangmembers reading about Murray decide they too, want a little glory whether before or after their lights go out. They look to the media.

Nicolas Henry
9/5/2010

The psychopath abused women, killed many & thanked GOD for helping his to escapes. Wow, let's see who's gonna find justification for that merciless creeps action. If he loved life so much, why didn't he surrender, & turn in his cronies? I posted times over, many children of "Sex Terrorist" are here on the planet to provide jobs for lawyers & policemen. "Sex Terrorist" is a Man that go around & make children with many women, they leave the kids behind to terrorize lawabbiding citizens of a state

Ainsworth Cole
9/5/2010

Thomas Hardy a great British writer wrote in his novel Far From The Maddening Crowd, that as he traveled along a path ..'two roads diverge into a wood, I took the one less travelled by, and that made all the difference'. This is what happen to Cedric Murray he took the wrong path some would say he was too young to know, by the time he was approaching his middle years 40, it was too late. But it's not late to save or rescue young people facing this choice of been consumed if the wrong path taken

Dah Hoo
9/5/2010

People need the Lord, we all need the Lord. Even our best effort to be a present day saviour is futile, because in doing so our emotions and lack of wisdom blind our eyes. Be careful the very thing we fight against we become. For true Change comes only thru Jesus, we are incapable of changing our self. May we all learn something from this young man's life we don't have to be a gangsta with a gun, to be blinded by our emotions. Ask God for Help, I did, anger is a demon

george watson
9/5/2010

I know it is not the Observer's intention, but they should be very careful lest they do glorify the name of this murdererous scum.
He is/was nothing and they should leave him to rot like the dead dog he is.

otis grant
9/5/2010

why is it that people wonder why the young men of jamaica are turning out so bad? look at the people the media are holding up to them & glorifying? just look at the headlines & their frequency & who makes them? the media doesnt hold up role models like motty perkins or edward seaga. Dudus and this fellow are the persons it seems thowant our sons to be like. i have always believed two hings in this country can change its fortunes, lawyers and media. for better or worse. seems the latter just now

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