In agony over death of brother

Dear Eve

with Rosie Stone

Monday, June 28, 2010

Dear Eve,

I am a member of the deaf community. I lost my brother to AIDS and I did not know that he had contracted the virus until after he died. I am still traumatised by what happened to him, and the worst part of it is, I did not know. I was very close to my brother and I still grieve for him inside all the time. Can you help me in any way?

In Agony.

Dear In Agony,

Unfortunately, HIV/AIDS is still shrouded in secrecy, and for many of us who are infected with the virus, steeped in shame.

Through this medium, Eve For Life has had to respond to many newly diagnosed persons who are having difficulties dealing with the acceptance of that fact. Many persons who I speak to are not ill but the psychological burden attached to such a diagnosis is sometimes too much for them.

I can just hear some persons who are not infected saying 'What's this big thing, HIV is just another illness like any other and they now have medication. So what is the big thing? Why won't they get on with their lives?'

Like most things in life we are likely to say a lot until we are faced with it directly. Stigma and discrimination are components of a wide array of obstacles that an infected person must confront. The Ministry of Health, other government ministries, non-government organisations, employed persons and volunteers are all working tirelessly to try to reduce HIV-related discrimination in Jamaica.

These are important considerations, not only for individuals but because discrimination can even affect the national response. It affects HIV prevention, as well as treatment, care and support efforts. The level of HIV discrimination in our society, real or perceived, is directly related to the level of disclosure by persons living with HIV (PLHIV).

Some PLHIV will live and die without disclosing to their relatives or even close family members as your brother did. This is not unusual, especially for men.

You have to try to understand his state of mind and the psychological pain that he might have been in. The fact that he did not tell you has nothing to do with what he felt for you, but rather with factors you may never uncover. The important thing is, you should try to forgive your brother for not telling you, and understand that if he could he would have.

There are persons in the PLHIV community who feel that the families of HIV-infected persons need special interventions to help them to cope, to give pertinent information, to understand the thought process and special needs of their family members. Those affected by HIV will therefore be in a position to give critical and useful support.

Grieving is very individualistic; the process is varied and can have many permutations. I think it is a very human expression of loss. Many years ago, 19 to be exact, I went through this process, grieving for the death of a husband and a marriage among other things. It was very difficult to navigate but I managed.

I remember the unevenness of waves of despair, pain and loss. Counselling sessions with trained personnel, talk therapy, and hundreds of hours of discussion with trusted friends fine-tuned this process for me. My advice on the matter of your grief is to try to get a few sessions with a counsellor. I realise the particular challenge of being deaf, but I think that you will be able to accomplish this with proper expertise.

You can send your questions or comments relating to HIV or related issues to info@eveforlife.org or write to Eve for Life, C/O Jamaica Observer.

Did you watch American football's Super Bowl on Sunday?
	Yes, but just for the advertisements
	Yes, just for the game itself
	Yes, for both the game and advertisements
	No, I did not watch the Super Bowl.

View Results
Results published weekly in Sunday Finance

Username:
Password:

Brazil jet makes forced stop after pilot attack

In agony over death of brother