Some devil whisper curses in mine ear,
And prompt me, that my tongue may utter forth
The venomous malice of my swelling heart.
— Shakespeare, Titus Andronicus, V, 3
People often blame other forces like some devil or so for whispering curses in their ears and telling them to do vile things. "Don't blame me, the devil made me do it," they often cry. But it's the malice in their heart that's really coming through, as they utter the most venomous words that cause great pain to others.
This usually affects couples and often comes from various quarters such as friends, foes, family and even fans. In most cases it's from people who are unhappy with their lot, and who wish to inflict this unhappiness on others. 'Tis true the saying, 'Misery doth love company.'
Interference is the name of the game, and it's a sport that they have mastered well. When it's from family, they always give the reason that they're doing it for your own good. When it's from friends, it usually stems from jealousy, envy, or just plain badmind as Jamaicans often put it.
Even so-called fans and well-wishers will interfere and meddle, stirring up trouble as they try to bring down their idol. If you recall, it was the president of the fan club of Mexican singer Selena Gomez who killed her and also a crazed fan who killed one of the Beatles, John Lennon. No wonder they say, 'Watch your enemies closely, but your friends even closer.'
This interference has destroyed the lives of many people, both in physical and emotional ways. We'll find out right after these interfering letters responding to 'Conscious uncoupling' and 'Father's heart'.
You asked, conscious uncoupling or hateful separation? I would also ask, unconscious coupling or hateful marriage? Of course, I'm being facetious, but implying that some folks enter into marriage despite the unsuitability of these unions. These marriages usually end up in hateful separation or unconscious uncoupling.
In spite of what those Hollywood people say, there is no easy way to say goodbye. They may put on a brave face and a plastic smile, but conscious uncoupling is just another term used to mask the pain and anger that they have to endure.
Just catching up on some old newspapers and was very moved by your article of March 16, 'A Father's Heart.' It brought me to tears because I never grew up with a father, and I never had the experience of parenting with my son's father by my side.
In spite of that, I feel confident to say that being exposed almost exclusively to my 'female influence' never made him 'girly'. On the contrary, I believe that I embodied the 'Gladiator' qualities that you spoke about, passing them on in such a way that they are now being exemplified and expressed as a natural way of being for him.
Few things are worse for a couple than to have a meddlesome person interfering in their lives. They may have money worries, emotional problems, or even just the stress of dealing with everyday life. But when this is compounded by an interfering, snooping, faas and badmind person, then that can destroy even the most stable relationship.
One person who has borne the brunt of many negative jokes, jibes and jabs, and who has even appeared in the Bible, as a person to look out for, is the mother-in-law. "And she went down unto the floor, and did according to all that her mother-in-law bade her.' Ruth 3:6.
Mother-in-law jokes are rife, and they're all negative. "Now take my mother-in-law, for example...a s far away as you can... hahaahahha."
"A cat is like a mother-in-law, if you let it in, it will run your life." I'm yet to hear a father-in-law joke. That's because most mothers-in-law feel that only they know what's good for their sons, plus no woman alive is good enough for their precious boy. As a result, they often meddle, interfere, and harass the hell out of any hapless woman who their son chose to live his life with.
The Bible exhorts couples to leave the parents' home and make their own lives together. "For this cause shall a man leave his mother and father, and cleave to his wife." Mathew 19:4-6.
Most mothers-in-law have no use for that verse in the Bible and will interfere, harass and harangue and make the lives of young couples a living hell.
Some sons will put up resistance and ask mom to back off, but many are momma's boys who will allow the mother-in-law to live up to her reputation of being a Harpy and interfere to her heart's content, until the relationship goes sour and crumbles. Many women will suffer in silence because they don't want to rock the boat....The Titanic.
It's a fortunate man who gets a gem for a mother-in-law, but woe betide the man who gets a harridan as a mother-in-law. Do you remember when boxer Mike Tyson went on his honeymoon and his mother-in-law accompanied them? That sounded the 10-count of that marriage.
Mothers of sons are bad, yes, but some mothers of daughters can put them to shame. I was lucky, for my mother-in-law 'love me like cook food'.... but I'm easy to love anyway... just ask my better half.
The other people who interfere are the friends. Oh yes, Lord, save couples from their friends, for their actions are often not friendly at all. No wonder the advice given to many couples is, "Don't have too much fren and fren round yu, but be friends to each other."
Too often these friends wait in the wings like vultures, and under the guise of helping, do nothing but try to destroy the relationship with their interference. Sad to say, but it's mostly a female phenomenon, for statistics will show that it's usually the female friend of the wife who meddles and interferes until the relationship is put in doubt. They sow the seeds and the harvest is bitter.
Their main task is to be 'helpful' with information, which they usually have in abundance about the woman's man. "I saw Errol last night talking to this pretty young girl, but I'm sure it wasn't anything." Or, "If I were you I wouldn't let Bobby spend so much time at his office after hours...his secretary is a bit too friendly... just saying."
It's always friendly advice, subtle, sneaky, salacious, that sows the seeds of doubt. Even now I remember my dear departed mom telling one of her friends that even though she appreciated her 'concern' please don't mention my father's name to her again. That put a stop to the interference.
Many women can't do that though, and they fall prey to the deluge of information from these so-called female friends who have one intention in mind -- to have her join their misery.
I mentioned that men don't do that sort of thing, but I have to qualify that view, for in some cases they do. Usually though, their motives for interfering are perhaps not as sinister as the females who just want to see destruction, but rather more selfish. That's right, a man usually has an ulterior motive....he wants your woman.
His MO is to get to her by telling her tales about the man. He will befriend her under the guise of being a concerned mutual friend and tell her tales about the man's past, present and future. "Listen, I know Kirk from him was a boy, and him can't settle down, always a gyallis."
After months or even years of whispering in her ears, as in the above quote, the woman believes him, starts to doubt hubby, withdraws from him and leans to the interfering infidel. It was Joseph Goebbels, Hitler's minister of propaganda, who said, "A lie repeated often enough will soon become truth."
We call it sussu, but it's dangerous, deadly, disgusting interference. So many couples have had their lives shattered by this interference of so-called friends, foes and family. It's best for couples to cleave unto each other and not listen to the propaganda that is disguised as truth. It was Admiral Bailey who dejayed, "Tek yu mind offa me.... ."
Footnote: Speaking of propaganda and dissemination of news, the world continues to fall prey to the whim and fancy of mainstream media that put out what they feels is important or serves their interests. Case in point is the genocide that took place in Rwanda, Africa, 25 years ago. There, over 800,000 people, that's almost a million persons, were massacred over a 100-day period, all through tribal warfare.
Yet, even now, many people aren't even aware of this monumental tragedy. It just wasn't hip enough for Western media to highlight. I'm sure some of you reading this weren't aware. Can you imagine if 800,000 people were hacked to death over a three-month period in Canada, France, Britain, Spain or any of those countries? It would be breaking news, current news, follow-up news every year forever. We wouldn't hear the end of it.
By the way, who remembers the Cambodian killing fields of 1975 when over three million Cambodians were killed by the Khmer Rouge regime? See, you didn't know that either.